Someone New - citrusstarlight - Harry Potter (2024)

Chapter 1: Move in Day!

Chapter Text

All Regulus wanted was for his college move-in day to go smoothly. Was that really such an unreasonable request?

Apparently, yes. Honestly, he shouldn’t have been so shocked at his sh*tty luck.

The morning started off well enough, waking up to Siruis’s alarm blasting from the room across the hall of their shared flat, and his screaming, “Wake up, Reggie! It’s move-in day!” in a sing-song voice, way too peppy for someone who’d just woken up.

Regulus groaned just as loudly in response, but in reality his heart was beating through his chest with excitement.

He was actually starting college.

It wasn’t just a dream.

Rolling out from his bed which was already stripped of its sheets to save time (“I swear, I’m brothers with a serial killer,” Sirius shuddered in response upon seeing this), Regulus rubbed his eyes and grabbed his pillow to shove in one of the bags that were littering his space.

He paused to quickly make a visual sweep of the now bare and packed-up room, triple checking again that nothing was left behind, and once satisfied, stepped out into the hall to ask Sirius what he wanted for breakfast.

This living arrangement for Regulus and Sirius was fairly new, and sometimes got… complicated, but for them, it worked.

Sirius had long left the family household, disowned at sixteen, and had been living with his best-friend until shortly after his eighteenth birthday.

Sirius had inherited a truly ridiculous amount of money from their Uncle Alphard when he passed away, but was only able to touch any of it when he became a legal adult.

Using this, he invested in an education in child developmental education, as well as his own apartment in the surrounding town to the university to stay in during holidays.

That summer after Sirius’s freshman year of college and Regulus’s senior year of highschool, the apartment turned out to be useful for more than just a place to stay during vacations.

That was the summer that Regulus, too, had been disowned by their parents, and left to fend for himself with no job, no inheritance as Sirius had, and no place to stay.

Really, it was Regulus’s fault in the first place. He should have known better than to go to a stranger for help, especially one that worked in the school his parents paid generous amounts of money for him to attend, fueling his paychecks.

Even as prestigious as the highschool he’d attended was, the school therapist was an under-qualified, slimy piece of trash who obviously only stayed in his career for the money.

Regulus had opened up to him one day after finally working up the courage to admit, yes, he did have a problem, and yes, he did need mental help, and no, that wasn’t a bad thing.

The conversation had went like this:

Regulus entered the door in the back of the school’s counseling office that the kind secretary at the desk in front directed him to.

The name plate above him read exactly what she’d told him it would, Mr. Slughorn, School Therapist and Counselor.

He walked in through the open door, knocking on it lightly to grab the older gentleman’s attention from the notes he was scribbling down on his large, dark wooden desk.

The whole room was rather dark, actually, only two small, dim lamps illuminating the space in the corners of the room.

One big and cushy looking chair sat opposite of Mr. Slughorn’s at the desk, but there was also a small, two-seater couch along the side of one of the walls.

Regulus supposed the set-up was supposed to be aesthetically pleasing and minimize stimulation for a relaxing effect, but really it just made him want to turn on another light- or at least have the walls painted a lighter color than the deep, outdated emerald green that they currently were.

When the man still didn’t look up from his notes, Regulus let out a little cough, which did the trick.

Slughorn looked up and blinked, seeminging a little shocked that a student was actually using his services, and cleared his throat.

“Ahem- Hello young man, er, come in, come in,” he shuffled around the papers on his desk into a haphazard pile and linking his hands in the cleared space, “Take a seat, take a seat,” he waved.

The therapist got up to close the door behind Regulus as he awkwardly shuffled his way into the office and stiffly took a seat on the cold leather of the couch.

“Now, Mr.- er-”

“Black. Regulus Black.”

“Yes of course, Mr. Black, what brings you in today,” Slughorn started, now returning to his seat behind the desk.

“I-,” Regulus hesitated for a moment.

“You can’t tell anyone what I say to you, right? Like, legally?”

“Well, yes, you certainly are entitled to my full confidentiality, excluding a select few things. If you are planning to bring harm to yourself or others, or if there is some sort of abuse happening that you disclose to me, then I may have to alert the appropriate people. Other than that, your secrets are safe with me,” the therapist plastered on an obviously fake smile.

So of course, Regulus would just have to leave out a few details about his parents, and maybe be careful with his words, but other than that, no one was going to find out anything, right? Mr. Slughorn had said so himself.

Regulus took a deep breath in, then out.

“Ok. Thank you. I-,” Regulus looked down in his lap, “I think I need help. I think that I may have… depression.”

“And what makes you think this, Mr. Black?” Slughorn asked without looking up from the fresh sheet of paper he’d already started scrawling notes on- which definitely didn’t help Regulus relax.

He was starting to question why people even came to therapy if it was always like this, he honestly felt more stressed than before. But still, he went on.

“Sometimes… I just feel like nothing at all. Or-or like too much, all at once. Mostly just…heavy. And- well sometimes I think about dying,” he confessed, which finally made the old man look up with his eyebrows raised.

Regulus rushed to correct his poor wording.

“Oh, no, I’m not suicidal or anything, I would never try to end my own life, I just…” none of what Regulus was saying was a lie, but he didn’t think the therapist was yet convinced, “well it’s not normal to think about death so much, is it? To maybe think it would be peaceful, or just feel like nothing at all- you know, oblivion.”

“I see…” he returned to writing his notes.

“And you find this oblivion appealing?

Regulus once again hesitated, cursing himself for already screwing up his words.

“I just… I can’t imagine that it would be worse than living. It is nothing, afterall.”

And yeah, that definitely wasn’t helping his case either, but he didn’t know how to word his feelings any other way. They were beyond being described by words, anyway, but that didn’t make his inability to articulate them any less frustrating.

“Hmmm…” was Mr. Slughorn’s reply.

“Is there something- a stressor, perhaps- in your life that’s causing these emotions around death? To the point that you think it’s a better option than living with these circ*mstances?” Slughorn pried further, which Regulus supposed was his job.

“Not really? Just, you know. School, grades. They can be stressful, is all,” he lied.

When Slughorn once again didn’t look convinced, Regulus sighed and continued.

“I suppose my brother and parents had some issues a couple of years ago, but he doesn’t live with us anymore so that’s not it,” again, another lie. It definitely still did affect Regulus, even if Sirius wasn’t in the house anymore.

“It’s just thoughts, I think. Like that voice in the back of my head is just tired of trying to be happy,” he concluded.

“Ah,” another short, cryptic response, followed by more writing.

Really, what did he need to write this all down for, Regulus thought.

“Yes, from what I’m hearing, I believe depression would not be a stretch to consider. But not to fret, there is plenty to help with that. Perhaps you could visit me more regularly and we can work through these… thoughts of yours. Maybe we could dig a little more into why you’re feeling the way you do, and what will help. Quite honestly, I am still concerned about these thoughts of death, even if they aren’t driven by suicidality. Existential thoughts can be a slippery slope into that if you aren’t careful,” he warned.

“Of course, and yes, thank you. I think I would like to meet more often,” Regulus forced himself to say. He really didn’t want to meet more often, but he had to give therapy a fair shot if he wanted to get better.

“Wonderful,” Sluhorn said through his faux smile once again, “I’m so glad that you took the time to reach out to me, Reginald-”

“Regulus,” he corrected.

“Oh, yes, my apologies, Regulus. I do think that we should cut this first session a bit short, though. This was a great start, but I find that it’s more helpful if the patient has more time to process their feelings between appointments at first. I know that the summer holiday is approaching, and we don’t have much time left together, but it truly is for the best. Would next week at this same time be convenient for you?”

He blinked.

Regulus had only been in the office for less than ten minutes at this point, did Mr. Slughorn really hate his profession so much that ten minutes of actually working was too much for him?

Needing “more time to process” just seemed like a cheap excuse to get Regulus out of his office faster.

“Er- yes, that should work. Thank you for your time,” Regulus nodded to the therapist and stood from the couch, walking out the door feeling annoyed and confused.

He really didn’t think that’s how therapy was supposed to work.

When he’d arrived back home later that day, Regulus was even further annoyed by this man.

Even though he had quite literally said that he would never take his own life, Slughorn went against the confidentiality that Regulus was promised and sent a wildly misinterpretive email home to his parents.

Essentially, he’d twisted Regulus's words, and described him as concerningly unstable and teetering on the edge of suicide, as well as claiming that he heard voices that were telling him to give up.

His parents obviously didn’t react well to this news.

As soon as Regulus stepped through the front door, he was being roughly dragged into a room by his mother and lectured on how their one and only remaining son could not be a “suicidal head-case”. How it would ruin their family’s reputation.

She punctuated every point she made with a blow to his arms and shoulders or a slap to his face, telling him that he was a disgrace for turning out the way he did, and that she’d rather have no sons than two disappointments.

When she wore herself out of her wrath and finally stopped physically and verbally berating Regulus, she told him to be gone from the house by nightfall and to never return or contact them again.

Just like that.

When he finally had the strength to peel himself off the ground, Regulus staggered up to his room to shove some essentials into his school bag that he had yet to take off. He didn’t even bother trying to clean his now busted lip.

He then snuck into his parents room to scrounge for any money hanging loose. He found about fifty dollars between both their nightstands, and stuffed that away in his bag, too.

It’s not like his parents would miss it, anyways. Fifty dollars was nothing to them.

Then, noticing out the window that a tinge of pink was creeping its way into the sky, Regulus walked to the front door, and wished his old life goodbye.

Just like that.

For a while, he just walked and walked, not really trying to make it anywhere.

Regulus let silent tears fall down his face, and bitterly laughed at his sense of deja vu.

Just two years ago, it had been Sirius in this exact position.

Sirius.

Regulus fumbled for his phone in his pocket and quickly dialed in the number he hadn't used in so long, but always kept memorized after his parents forced him to delete his brother’s contact.

For a second his thumb just hovered over the call button, but then quickly tapped it before he could change his mind.

Two rings later, Sirius picked up, sounding panicked and unsure.

“Reg…? Is that you?”

“Yeah, Sirius, it’s me,” Regulus’s voice broke halfway through the sentence.

And so he explained to Sirius everything that had happened that day, and bashfully asked for help. It’s not like he knew anyone else who would help him anyways, but Regulus still felt badly about the request considering the brothers hadn’t spoken in two years.

But, Sirius being Sirius, agreed immediately, offering Regulus to come live in his apartment with him and said he was already on his way to pick him up.

Regulus cried in relief when Sirius’s uber driver pulled up to the nearby gas station they agreed to meet at, and they reunited with long, teary hugs and comforting reassurances that Regulus would be ok now, he was safe now.

And a few moths later, Regulus was back on his feet.

He’d applied for a job at the pharmacy-slash-general-store in the town where Sirius lived, and they were just a mile and a half from the university.

When Regulus expressed wishing to attend but not yet having the money, Sirius stepped in to help, much to Regulus’s initial protest. He helped pay for both his own and Regulus’s tuitions while Regulus put in most of his earnings from his job as well.

Financial aid and scholarships from the university also ended up reducing costs quite a bit, considering he and his brother lived on their own now with no parental support, and Regulus had astounding marks in his highschool classes.

So, now, Sirius and Regulus would be attending college together.

And as difficult as the journey to get there was, Regulus couldn’t have been happier.

*******

Loading the last of their belongings into the trunk and backseats, Sirius raised his hand to Regulus for a (ignored attempt at a) high five.

“Ugh, you’re such a buzzkill, Reggie,” the elder brother rolled his eyes with a smile.

“Oh no, what a terrible thing to be. I can’t believe I’ve never noticed,” Regulus replied with dry sarcasm, to which Sirius snorted.

The short drive to campus was filled with more playful bickering, fighting over what music to play, and Sirius telling excited stories of his time at Hogwarts University, happy that Regulus would get to make his own memories there too.

As much as he rolled his eyes and acted dismissive, Regulus was elated, too, aside from the nerves.

The last time he’d been in a school, it hadn’t gone great for him, but those thoughts were cast to the side as they approached the school.

Of course, he’d seen pictures, but they didn’t compare.

In the dead middle of Vermont, the Hogwarts campus was all repurposed and refurbished Victorian era architecture; tall and elaborately designed mansions stood as the different academic buildings, with four slightly smaller ones as the dorm houses.

Even the admissions building was beautiful, and Regulus had to remind himself to close his mouth before heading in.

Sirius nudged him, “I know, right?”

Regulus just nodded.

“Hello, friends!” a girl, a bit older than them with wavy brown hair, greeted the two as they walked in.

“Oh, Sirius! Welcome back.” she smiled warmly.

“Alice! You’re still here? I thought you graduated!” Sirius ran forward to see his friend.

“Got a job with admissions! Just couldn’t say goodbye to this place yet,” she explained.

“How’s Frank?” Sirius asked.

“He’s well, I’ll tell him that you say hello! He’s working as an electrician nearby.”

“Wow, that’s great!” Sirius smiled before remembering the reason they were there in the first place.

“Oh yeah! This is my brother Regulus that I told you about!”

Alice turned her gaze over to him.

“Yes, I could tell,” she laughed, looking between the two.

“Nice to meet you finally, Regulus.”

“You as well,” he responded politely.

“Alright, well I suppose I should get you two settled into your rooms…” she trailed off, skimming the pages of names in front of her and grabbing their keys.

“Sirius, you’re once again in Gryffindor building, room 315. And Regulus, you’re in the same building, room 324. I’m sure your brother will help you find your way.”

“Of course I will,” Sirius trapped Regulus in a headlock and ruffled his hair.

“Urrgh, really?” He pushed his brother off and patted his curls back down.

Alice giggled at their display, and waved them off.

“I made a bet with James that I’d be in our room first, I hope I won,” Sirius rambled along the way, while Regulus drove the car up to their building so they could lug their bags in easier.

He and his best-friend, James, were dorm-mates in their previous year, as well as James being the one to take Sirius in when their parents had thrown him out. And by the sound of Sirius’s anecdotes, they were practically codependent.

“Mmm, I hope you lost,” Regulus remarked, then added thoughtfully, “I hope Remus is as nice as he was over text. ‘Couldn’t stand it if he was actually just a sloppy creep.”

Remus was Regulus’s roommate-to-be, and they’d met over a social media app used to connect with people looking to go to the same schools. He was a year older than Regulus- Sirius’s age- but had taken a gap year before starting college, so they were the same graduating class.

So far, as Regulus had stated, Remus was very kind.

The two had bonded over various books they had read, mostly classics or period pieces, as well as shared style preferences- both of them agreed that their dorm room would be tastefully decorated in a comforting, vintage naturalist aesthetic, and that any other type of decoration was a crime.

“Yeah, that would suck, huh. It sounded like you two got on well enough, though. I don’t think they’ll be any issue.”

“‘Hope not.”

The two exited the car and grabbed the first load of duffle bags and boxes to bring up. It would take two or three trips at least to get everything up to their respective dorm rooms, but they grabbed as much as they could anyways.

“Good thing we’re on the same level. Now we only have one stop on the elevator,” Sirius pointed out as they crammed into the small space and hit the button labeled with a three.

Because of the numbers they were assigned, Sirius reached his room first.

“Yes! I knew we’d beat James,” he beamed at the empty room and dropped his stuff heavily on the floor.

“I’m going to go see if Remus is here yet, enjoy your bragging rights,” Regulus replied with a little wave, or as much of a wave as he could manage with his hands so full, and started down the hall.

“Alright! I’m gonna go grab more of my things,” Sirius called back.

When he reached room 324, Regulus struggled a bit with the key, but then was able to open the door.

“Sirius! I told you I’d be here first-” a boy, who was definitely not Remus, started but cut himself off when he turned around and saw Regulus instead.

He was half-kneeling on his bed to put up a bright, colorful poster, and had bags and boxes chaotically strewn everywhere. He had glasses that were at the moment falling crookedly over his eyes, and his hair stood up in about five different directions.

“Oh. You’re not Sirius,” the boy stated, rather redundantly.

Regulus shook his head in bewilderment, and took a breath.

“No, I’m not. James, I’m assuming?”

James blinked at him in surprise.

“How do you know my name? You’re not, like, a stalker, are you? Or have we met? I’m pretty sure we haven’t met.”

Regulus stepped in further and dropped his things lazily on the floor with a thump.

“Regulus Black, nice to meet you,” he extended a hand to James, “and I think you’ve got the wrong room.”

James took his hand and smiled.

“Oh! You’re Sirius’s brother, yeah I see it now. Lovely to meet you!” he said with the most uncomfortably long and enthusiastic hand-shake that Regulus had ever participated in.

“Don’t know what you mean, though. I think you have the wrong room. Alice told me 324.”

“Yes, she told me the same. But shouldn’t you be with my brother in 315?” he furrowed his eyebrows.

Did both Sirius and Regulus mix up their room numbers? No, no Regulus’s memory didn’t typically fail him like that, he was sure he’d heard correctly.

“I’m sure my actual roommate won’t enjoy his space being taken up when he arrives-”

Regulus was cut off by a dramatically loud shout from Sirius down the hall.

“WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?”

Regulus and James shared a confused look and hurried down the hall to Sirius’s room where a tall boy with a leg prosthetic stood, boxes in hand.

“Ok, first of all rude, second of all, I could ask the same thing. What are you doing in my room? You’re not Regulus… are you?” he squinted and tilted his head at Sirius, which, fair. The brothers really could’ve been mistaken for twins.

“Mmm, nope, you’re not him. Who are you and why are you Regulus’s clone?”

Regulus recognized the boy to be Remus from the pictures on his profile, and the realization dawned on him.

“sh*t,” Regulus groaned into his hands, pulling the attention from the other three.

“Sirius, I think our room numbers were swapped.”

Chapter 2: "All-right"

Chapter Text

Sirius POV

“Ah, f*ck me,” Sirius groaned out loudly, letting his head fall back and pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Oh, but I still don’t even know your name,” the man who Sirius pierced together to be Remus replied with an eye-roll, rather passive-aggressively, and seeming just as annoyed by the situation as Sirius.

Couldn’t something just go right for once? Sirius wanted more than anything for Regulus’s transition into college to go as smoothly as possible, considering all of the sh*t that he’d endured that summer.

Sirius also wanted to room with James, like he’d planned to do the whole time.

Guess he just had to make things go right, then.

“Sirius Black, nice to meet you,” he said a bit dismissively, attention still on Regulus.

“Well, come on then, Reg. Let’s go back down to Alice and get this sorted. Also hi, James, love you, missed you, you’re the light of my life.” Sirius started back towards the elevator, giving James a brotherly peck on the cheek on the way, and waving for Regulus to follow him.

“Wait, shouldn’t we come too?” James asked, unphased.

“Also love you too, darling, my one and only, my-”

“Ok, enough of that,” Remus interrupted, “but yes, I agree with…sorry, what was it?”

“James,” James smiled.

“I agree with James, we should all go down.”

“Hurry up then,” Sirius called back, elevator doors already opening.

And so, the four boys crammed themselves into the small space and retraced their steps downward. Regulus was the first to break the awkward silence.

“Hello, Remus. Nice to see you in person,” he nodded from the corner he was pressing himself into.

“Nice to see you too, Regulus,” Remus agreed in a much nicer tone than he’d used with Sirius.

“Finish the book I recommended to you yet?”

“No, I’m on the last few chapters, though. I couldn’t believe he did that-”

“Really? I could see it coming from chapter five,” Regulus stated. He’d always been more observant than most, and always predicted the plot twists with surprising accuracy for any movies or books they were reading as children, much to Sirius’s annoyance at the time.

Now, though, Sirius smiled fondly at the memories- now matter how much the two brothers had been through, some things never changed.

“What!? How-” Remus asked, bewildered.

They were cut off by the elevator dinging.

“We’re talking about this more later,” Remus promised as they all squeezed back out, “well, if we figure out our room situation, I suppose.”

“Mm, yes” Sirius hummed in agreement, “Love you, Reggie, but I didn’t sign up to room with your carbon copy.”

Reums snorted at that, “Oh I’m his carbon copy? Look in a mirror lately?”

“Yes, and I think I’m looking quite all right, thank you,” Sirius joked, to which James cackled, Regulus groaned, and Remus looked confused.

“Ok yeah, but that wasn’t really the point…”

“Oh, yeah, sorry, inside joke,” Sirius fought a smile and shot a pleading look at Regulus not to give him away and kill the fun.

His brother gave him an unimpressed expression in reply, but obliged.

See, Sirius was a victim of an incident involving his hom*ophobic, left-handed mother, her finding out he was gay, a strong backhand to the face, and a giant diamond ring.

It had left him having to get one eye surgically removed due to it being torn up beyond repair.

Following the events, Sirius had prosthetics made- the one he was wearing currently being the grey, hyper-realistic one that matched his other eye- but only had vision in his right side, hence the joke.

Though the cause of the disability made Sirius squirm uncomfortably if he thought about it for too long, he also didn’t want to let his mother win; he wanted to prove he wasn’t affected by her anymore.

So, he handled the situation with humor and grace, using his hardships as an opportunity for creative expression and endless eye-jokes rather than self-pity.

Most of the time, Sirius could be found wearing prosthetic eyes with different and unnaturally bright colors (or even glitter, which were his favorites).

He did occasionally enjoy the shock factor when he met new people though, and usually wore the realistic one in situations he knew that would be happening.

What could he say? The one family trait he’d inherited and embraced was his flair for dramatics.

“You all are so weird,” Remus shook his head, “ok maybe not Regulus, just you two.”

“Thank you for not lumping me in with them,” Regulus’s lips twitched up into a small smile.

“Aw, but you love me, really,” Sirius cooed.

Regulus made a disgusted face in response.

“Ha ha, yeah, I suppose you’re right. I own my weirdness, though,” James beamed back at Remus.

Remus gave an amused smile in return, “yeah, I can tell already,” he said, sounding more fond than judgemental- which Sirius supposed was… also nice.

Why did Remus seem to want to be nice to everyone but him? It was starting to annoy Sirius.

When the four had finally made it back to the admissions building, walking in through the doors, Alice looked up and grimaced.

“Oh no, not another one,” she drew out sounding pained, “Did your rooms get mixed up, too?”

“Yeah, how did you know?” Sirius asked.

She let out a sigh, “ People have been coming in all morning asking for room transfers- the school only listed everyone on the roster by first initial and last name. You wouldn’t believe how many students have the same last names,” she explained.

“So,” Alice continued, “I’m guessing when the other admissions person, who’s also a student that volunteered to help before the semester started, went through the roommate requests, he didn’t read carefully enough. And now, we’re doing our best to clean up his mess- oh I’m going to kill Gilderoy-”

“I’m sure murder won’t be necessary,” Sirius cut in and asked, a bit abashed, “but could I bother you with two more transfer requests?”

“You could, but it may take a while to process it,” she answered, honestly looking like she was about to cry from all the chaos she must’ve been dealing with that morning,

“So many mess-ups have happened that it might take over a month for yours to go through at this point. Urghh I’m so sorry, you guys!”

“Hey, don’t sweat it,” James said with a comforting tone, “I’m sure I’ll spend most of my time in Sirius’s room, anyway. Or vice versa. It doesn’t have to be a big deal, right? Our rooms are close enough as it is,” He looked back at the other three, hoping they’d join in his optimism.

Regulus let out a sigh, “I suppose it’s not worth it to settle in for a month just to move again a few rooms down the hallway… I’m alright with it if you all are.”

Sirius pouted.

“I don’t even know Remus though-”

“And I don’t know James,” Regulus shrugged.

“Yes, and James! I wanted to room with him,” his pout only grew.

Yes, he knew he sounded like a child throwing a tantrum, but Sirius really didn’t like his plans being uprooted.

“It’s ok, man, like I said I’ll see you plenty anyways, promise” James reassured.

“Mmm, ok…” Sirius gave in, begrudgingly.

“Ah, f*ck it that’s fine I guess,” Remus agreed as well, sounding tired.

“Alright, so it’s settled, then? Me with James and then you two?” Regulus motioned between Sirius and Remus.

Remus looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to answer first.

Sirius exhaled heavily.

“Sounds like that’s the plan.”

*******

Regulus POV

Though Regulus had been the one playing peace-maker, and getting everyone to agree to the new rooming arrangement in the first place, that was before he and James started to unpack.

Of course, Regulus had gotten a preview when he’d first stumbled upon James in their now-shared room, but nothing could have prepared him for the full extent of his… creativity, to put it kindly.

Jame’s idea of comfort turned out to be the exact opposite of Regulus’s.

Regulus considered himself a bit of a minimalist when it came to home-decor, preferring to strategically fill his space in an open, organized manner that helped him function more easily. Most of his decorations had sentimental meaning, or were pulled from nature- he had letters, mostly from Sirius, poems, newspaper clippings, and annotated pages from his favorite books (photocopied in color, of course) to hang up as well as collages of pressed flowers he’d made, and dried herbs, fruits, and more flowers stung into a garland. When he finished hanging these few things up, there was plenty of wall-space left, which is how he preferred it.

The only other things that Regulus laid out on his half of the room were journals, his dip-pens, a bottle of ink, pencils, and books. Anything else he’d brought could be stored in draws, or in the space under his bed.

It seemed that James's only strategy, though, was to fill his side with as many colors and things as possible.

Posters of his favorite musicians and shows, vinyl records, bright, hand-made illustrations, polaroid photos of friends and loved ones, fairy lights, cheap looking fake vines, a calendar featuring funny cat photos, various sticky notes with reminders, doodles, or stupid notes from friends written on them, and so much more were all crammed together in the little space above his bedside. A giant pile of stuffed animals was dumped over the small mattress, which had the most ridiculous, dinosaur-patterned comforter on it that Regulus had ever seen.

The stark contrast between the two sides of the room cleaved it down the middle.

“Do you think I could fit a few more photos right here?” James questioned, motioning to an already full portion of the wall.

Regulus was fighting the urge to scream.

James, oblivious, said, “Yeah, no, I can definitely fit more,” and bent over to scrounge through the box at his feet.

“How do you live with.. all of that?” Regulus asked incredulously.

“What do you mean?” James started sticking up more photos- overlapping the existing ones- with colorful, star-shaped stickers, of all things.

Regulus blinked twice.

“I mean doesn’t all of that make you feel… suffocated? How do you even sleep in a bed with so many stuffed animals?”

“Very easily, actually. It’s like being in a big group hug!” James smiled at him, because of course that was his answer.

Regulus just shook his head and muttered, “To each their own, I guess.”

“I suppose I could ask you the opposite question,” James countered, “How do you limit what you put in your space so much? I can’t imagine not wanting to fill it with anything and everything that makes me happy.”

“Very easily, actually,” Regulus parroted back to him, making James stick out his tongue like a child, “I actually have space to move around, for one-”

“I so have space to move around!”

“-and two, everything is set up by priority. It helps me function,” he explained.

“If something doesn’t need to be out, it’s risking being in the way. The stuff that’s stored in drawers and such is put there for a reason, and organized so that I can always find it. The things I use more often go in the top ones, and the things I use the least in the bottom ones.”

James raised his eyebrows in surprise, probably expecting a sarcastic remark rather than an actual answer.

“That genuinely amazes me,” he said, disbelieving, “I didn’t know people were actually that organized in real life.”

Regulus snorted, “What, did you think they were only like that in movies?”

“Yes! Exactly!” James snapped and pointed at him in agreement.

Regulus once again shook his head.

“That’s actually appalling- I’m genuinely at a loss for how you independently survived your first year here.”

James just laughed in return, as if being insulted was the funniest thing ever.

“I also understand why my brother hangs out with you now,” he added.

James co*cked his head at this, his big brown eyes making the gesture look doe-like.

“Why?”

“You’re both delusional,” Regulus answered without a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

Again, James cracked up at this, which Regulus dutifully ignored, just like the strange flutter it created in his chest.

*******

Remus POV

A few doors down, a very different conversation was taking place.

“I know this whole thing sucks enough already, but is it alright if I take the bed on the right? I don’t sleep with my prosthetic on, so it makes getting in and out easier,” Remus asked.

Sirius whipped his head around from where he was struggling to put the fitted sheet over the bed already.

“sh*t, right. Ah, f*ck this isn’t good,” he flopped his head into the side of the mattress and the hit against it there a couple more times for good measure.”

“I need to be on the right side too- no I know, I know, just-” Sirius groaned.

Remus was getting annoyed, did this guy really prioritize a little superstition or whatever the hell was the matter over Remus being able to physically get in and out of his bed safely? It was just his luck to get stuck with such an asshole.

What Remus wasn’t expecting Sirius to say next was, “I’m blind- well half-blind. I can’t see out of my left side. So, it really freaks me out at night if all I’m seeing is the side of my nose instead of the door. If something were to happen, my reaction time would be way slowed down-”

“Wait, wait, what do you mean you’re half blind? Both of your eyes look normal to me.” Remus interrupted.

For some reason, Sirius smirked at that.

“Yeah, I guess my missing part isn’t as visible as yours. Just- ok, watch this.”

Sirius got up from where he was kneeling on the ground and stood directly in front of Remus, honestly a little too close for his comfort. It was sort of amusing though at the same time- when they were this close, Remus practically had to look down to see the other man’s face.

Still, Remus eyed him skeptically.

Then, with the most dead-panned face he could muster, Sirius slowly rolled his one eye while the other stayed firmly on Remus’s face.

It was honestly terrifying, which must have shown in his face because Sirius immediately started cracking up, doubling over.

“Oh, that get’s people every time,” he wiped a tear with a wheeze.

Remus was still just standing there in shock, trying to process what had just happened.

“Ok… noted,” he finally nodded once slowly.

“So, er- what are we gonna do about the beds?” he asked, bringing them back to the question at hand.

They both just stared blankly at the beds until Sirius went, “Oh! I’ve got it.”

“What if we-”

“I swear I’m going to kill you if you suggest we share it-”

“No, no, that’s not what I was going to say at all!” Sirius cut back in, looking a little flustered, “What if we turn the one on the left so that it’s pressed against the wall with the window? Make them perpendicular to one another.”

“It’ll put one of our feet, or er- foot, closer to the other’s head, but other than that it should work, right?”

Remus thought about the scenario, visualizing it in his head, and yes, Sirius was right- it would work.

“Plus, the beds aren’t bolted down or anything. James and I lofted ours last year, but that wouldn’t work for us either,” Sirius gave a downturned smile, “we’d both need to bottom bunk.”

Remus exhaled. He really wished things wouldn’t be so complicated.

“Alright. I’ll take the turned bed, then. You mind helping me?”

“Nope!” Sirius popped the “p” at the end, then positioned himself at the end of the bedframe and pulled it out just enough away from the wall for Remus to fit behind the headboard.

Moving the bed was a challenge due to the limited space they had to turn it in, even further limited by all of their belongings that were still strewn about on the floor.

“No- ok now turn it a little more-”

“Wait, wait move that box-”

“Back it up a little- yeah like that-”

“I can’t do that, I'll be trapped. I know I’m small but not that small-”

“Ok then, more to the left- no my left.”

“What’s your left?”

“Are you stupid? It’s your right-”

The shifting, pushing, pulling, and bickering lasted about fifteen minutes, which in Remus’s opinion was far more time than it should have taken to turn a bed.

When they did finally finish though, they were both relieved and sat down on their respective mattresses with a sigh.

As Sirius predicted, Remus’s footboard was nearly touching the pillows on Sirius’s bed, but at least he could get on and off more easily, and Sirius could see.

“Well I think that went well,” Sirius remarked.

Remus gave a huff through his nose, “Yeah, whatever you say.”

Chapter 3: Brothers Again

Chapter Text

James POV

Something about Regulus fascinated James.

Just like Sirius had had when he first left home, Regulus had thick walls carefully built around him, every brick was a habit he was forced to perfect for survival. James thought Regulus’s may’ve been even more precise and calculated than Sirius’s.

James wanted to break them all down.

The first thing James noticed was the practiced neutrality that the younger Black displayed at pretty much all times. When emotions did peak through, they were only in the form of tiny twitches of the lips, somewhat resembling a smile or frown, or maybe a slight furrow in the brows.

James was determined to make him grin.

The second thing he noticed was just how far thought out every little action Regulus did was, how he was always four steps ahead of everyone else and expected every possible outcome.

James wanted to surprise him, or see him do something spontaneous.

For some reason, all James wanted to do was learn everything about Regulus Black.

He thought about this while the other boy peacefully took a nap on the other side of the room, long since having finished unpacking and organizing his half of their space to his liking, and deciding to take a quick rest before facing the rest of the day.

Even though James would have never in a million years set up his room like Regulus had for himself, he still found it very pleasant and even endearing.

It was beautifully organized beyond Jame’s own capabilities, and he could see Sirius’s signature on some of the letters on the walls. There was a pretty garland hanging over his bed which looked hand-made; it was strung with translucent, dried orange slices, as well as small red berries, shriveled mint leaves, and subtly browned, pink rose heads.

James shifted his eyes down to where the other man was snoozing, looking warm bundled up in his thick, navy blue comforter.

He let his gaze linger a little, knowing he wouldn’t get caught looking, and took in all of his features.

When most people looked at the Black brothers side by side, they saw the same body and different souls. For James, the opposite was true.

Regulus’s features were softer than Sirius’s in a very elegant way. His eyes were a little more downturned, and closer together, and his face was a little more rounded out about the edges. They both had small noses with the bride slightly protruding out, but while Sirius’s hooked down at the end, Regulus’s sloped up, creating a button-like look.

Sirius had just a few little moles dancing around his face while Regulus had a light dusting of freckles across nose. Regulus’s eyes were grey-green while Sirius’s were grey-blue.

Sirius’s curls were less defined due to bleaching and dyeing his hair red, immediately hating it, then dyeing it back to black.

Not to mention the more obvious things like their haircuts being different, or the younger brother being a bit shorter than his already short counterpart.

But as James noted before, Regulus was like a flashback of Sirius two years prior.

He walked just as light-footedly, spoke a bit more stuff and formally, and absolutely refused to let anyone see how he was really feeling.

Honestly, it saddened James a bit- he’d heard plenty about what their parents were like, hell he’d seen the aftermath of it with his own two eyes. But he also knew that Regulus was healing, and that he was safe now- and well wasn’t that something to be happy about?

He didn’t know Regulus yet, but he was excited to have the chance to.

Smiling fondly at the thought, James noticed the sleeping boy’s eyes flutter slightly, and looked away, busying his hands by straightening out an already straight photo on his wall.

He made sure he heard the rustle of sheets as Regulus sat up with a little yawn before saying, “Oh, you’re up! How was the nap?”

All he got in response was Regulus blinking at him with a tired, sleep-dazed look, and a small hum.

James huffed out a soft laugh, “That good, huh?”

“Hey, I was thinking of checking in on how things are going with Sirius and Remus, did you want a couple minutes to wake up and then come with me?”

Regulus rubbed the palms of his hands into his eyes and gave a sleepy nod in agreement, which shouldn’t have been as adorable as it was.

Like this, he very much resembled a grumpy kitten.

“Cool,” James smiled, “just let me know when you’re ready and we’ll go.”

A few minutes later, the two found their way down the hall and James lightly knocked on their door.

Remus opened it a crack, enough to see that the lights were off behind him.

“Shh,” he hushed in a whisper, “he’s taking a nap.”

James snorted and looked towards Regulus, who turned his head away embarrassed, upon their eyes meeting.

“Yeah, he just woke up,” he pointed his thumb in Regulus’s direction, informing Remus who also laughed.

“Like I said, carbon-copies,” Remus smiled.

“Yes, but unlike me, Sirius can sleep through pretty much everything, we don’t have to whisper,” Regulus joined in at a normal volume.

“Yeah, he’s right, when Sirius can finally fall asleep he’s like a brick.”

Remus groaned, “That would’ve been nice to know fifteen minutes ago when I nearly tripped over his boxes in the dark and had to stop myself from cursing. I turned off the lights to be nice, but f*ck that, I guess,” he siad, promptly flicking off the switch beside him.

Sirius let out a snore in the background.

“Well, come on in then,” he waved them through the door.

Honestly as far as decoration went, it was a pretty cohesive set-up.

Sirius had his favorite vinyls on display, per usual, as well as a couple photos, band posters, and black and white star-shaped cut-outs he’d made to fill the space between. Square above the headboard was a printed out photoshop image of who was supposed to be Jesus Chist with David Bowie’s face plastered on instead.

Remus’s side also had vinyls and polaroids on display, but they were mixed among newspaper clippings, detailed sketches of historical figures or artifacts, and hand-written cursive notes on yellowing notebook paper, connected together with red yarn wrapped around thumb tacks in a web-like manner. Lastly on the wall, there was a miniature wall calender with a vintage-painting style picture of some animal’s skull in it.

There was also a leafy potted plant on his end of the windowsill, and a stack of books on the ground by his bedside.

Which, speaking of his bed-

“The f*ck happened to your beds?” Regulus asked bluntly, which was understandable.

The bed that Sirius was sprawled across and snoring on was left in its original place, but Remus’s was turned against the back wall so that the foot of it was just an inch or two away from Sirius’s pillows.

James thought that it really didn’t seem like the best layout.

“Our disabilities clashed,” Remus sighed, ‘we both needed the bed on the right side, so we made them both on the right side.”

“Ohhh,” James said in understanding, “ok, that makes more sense now.”

“Did he do the eye-roll thing to you?” Regulus asked, smirking.

“Yes! It was f*cking creepy, too!”

Sirius stirred a bit, but only enough to murmur, “No, James, I’m not sleepy,” ironically, in his sleep.

Remus looked at Sirius, a little impressed but confused at his ability to stay unconscious.

James chuckled, “Yeah he likes to freak people out with that, dramatic little sh*t he is. Looks like the rest of your move-in went smoothly, though.”

“Yeah, honestly I thought our styles were going to clash more, but they didn’t,” Remus looked around the room, “I think it looks pretty nice.”

“Wish I could say the same about ours,” Regulus rolled his eyes, “I don’t think clashing is the right word to describe it. It’s like someone drew a line down the middle of the floor and asked a hyperactive child to decorate one side and a depressed botanist to decorate the other.”

Remus snorted, “Yikes.”

“Yeah, I can’t even argue with that,” James smiled sheepishly, “wanna come see it?”

“Sure, er- should we wake him up?” Remus motioned to Sirius, who was now… bopping his head?

Must be having a good dream, James shook his head fondly.

“Yeah, I’ve got this,” Regulus started typing into his phone, “I’ve had to hear this song every morning for the past three months.”

Regulus clicked up the volume button a good five times and held the device next to his brother’s ear before hitting play.

‘You can dance! You can ji-ive! Having the time of your life, oo-oo-oh!’ ABBA’s “Dancing Queen” blared from Regulus’s phone as he held a straight face.

Sirius blinked awake with a small smile, unfazed, and sang a slightly slurred, “‘See that girl, watch that scene, diggin’ the dancing queen’,” before yawning loudly.

James started cracking up at Remus’s bewildered face, mouth gaping open with eyebrows drawn together.

Regulus paused the song and put his phone back in his pocket.

“Come on, then. We’re going to show off our clusterf*ck of a room.”

Sirius sat up and stretched his arms behind his head, “I’m sure it’s not that bad.”

*******

“Oh, yeah, it is that bad,” Sirius wheezed as James opened the door.

“You really weren’t exaggerating at all, huh, Regulus?” Remus peered in.

“Nope, unfortunately not,” he sighed.

“Well I think it looks nice,” James smiled.

He genuinely did, too- just because it wasn’t cohesive didn’t mean it was inherently bad. Both sides were personal to each occupant, and that’s what made it beautiful.

“Love the spirit, James dear, but this is an utter trainwreck,” Sirius told him, sounding very amused.

“Say what you will, but our room definitely has to be the coolest in the building, right Reg?”

Regulus’s eye twitched, looking at James like he just killed his cat.

Sirius only laughed more at this.

“Well, now that we’ve all seen the most awesome and beautiful room on campus,” James ignored the unimpressed looks, “Pete texted me! He got here like an hour ago, wants to meet up at Three Broomsticks for lunch, you guys coming?”

Peter was the last member of James and Sirius’s best friend trio. The two had met him last year through the school soccer team (only James and Peter actually played, but Sirius came to cheer from the sidelines) and had been thick as thieves ever since. James played center defense and Pete was the keeper, so they worked together a lot on the field and made a practically unstoppable force when their efforts were combined.

“The Three Broomsticks? What’s that?” Reums asked, co*cking his head to the side along with Regulus.

“Oo, yes let’s go!” Sirius bounced, “It’s this cute little cafe right off campus, we can walk there,” he explained.

“I could use a coffee,” Regulus agreed.

Remus made a face at him, “I’m never forgetting the fact that you told me you take yours black-”

“What’s wrong with black coffee?” Sirius pushed out his lower lip in a frown.

Remus shot him the same glare of distaste before answering James, “As long as they do mochas I’m good.”

“Awesome!,” James beamed, “I’ll tell Pete we'll be there in an hour.”

James knew he had to give at least an extra thirty minutes for Sirius to get ready, he learned that lesson the hard way.

Too many times did he show up to Sirius’s apartment or dorm at the time they were supposed to leave, only to find him halfway done straightening his hair.

“And this is why I’m eternally and forever in love with you James,” Sirius praised, backing out of the room, “I’m gonna go and start getting ready.”

“He just said we had an hour though? And are you not already dressed?” Remus asked, confused.

Regulus snorted, “Don’t even question it, just let him do his thing at this point. Why he takes thirty minutes just to pick an outfit that ‘matches his eye’ will forever remain a mystery.”

Sirius flipped him off as he backed out the door.

Remus shook his head, “I guess I’ll head back to our room, too. I need to grab a sweater anyway if we’re walking there.”

“Alright, see you at…twelve, then!” James waved as Remus followed Sirius out of the room.

*******

Remus POV

After Sirius had indeed taken thirty minutes to pick out a shirt that matched the silver glittery eye he was now wearing, settling on a worn, grey Queen band tee, he asked Remus,

“Ok, I need your opinion, one braid or two?” He pointed at the back of his head, then the sides.

“I’d just go for one, we have to be at the cafe in half an hour,” Remus reasoned.

Sirius snapped his fingers, “Right, thanks,” and started parting his hair into three sections.

“Don’t you need a mirror or something?” he watched as he gracefully crossed the soft black strands and wove them into one another, occasionally dropping some and adding others.

Sirius huffed out a small laugh, concentrated.

“No, not really. I could do this in my sleep by now.”

Remus believed it too, he saw not one flaw or hesitated move from Sirius as he plaited his way down the back of his head.

Remus didn’t realize that he’d zoned out watching the process until Sirius met his eye and gave him a small smirk.

“How does it look?”

Remus had of course vaguely noticed how attractive Sirius was when he’d first seen him- both of the brothers were objectively good-looking- but he didn’t anticipate how pretty a simple braid could make one person look.

He cleared his throat, looking elsewhere to distract from the heat rising in his face.

“Nice. It looks nice.”

Sirius beamed, “Thanks!” he tapped his phone for the time, “Alright, it’s eleven forty-five, let’s go meet up with the other two.”

*******

Regulus POV

The four arrived at the cafe just a few minutes later than anticipated. He guessed this was because of the time taken for the braid Sirius’s hair now adorned, which Remus wouldn’t stop staring at.

He rolled his eyes to himself, of course his only friend he’d made here already wanted to f*ck his brother.

Disgusting.

A person waved at them from a booth in the corner of the place, whom James and Sirius waved back at with stupid smiles. He had short, fluffy, honey-blonde hair, soft, rounded features and perpetually flushed cheeks.

“Pete! We missed you, dude!” James greeted, running over to embrace his friend.

“Missed you too,” Peter chuckled.

“Woah,” he looked at Regulus, “Who cloned Sirius?”

Regulus shot him daggers, Sirius laughed.

“Well, Pete, when a cousin and a cousin are arranged for marriage for the purpose of having children, and they definitely don’t love each other very much-”

“Ok, ok, enough of that,” James rolled his eyes.

Regulus cringed, “Did you have to remind me that our parents are cousins?”

Remus looked rightfully horrified, “Sorry, what the f*ck did you just say?”

Regulus’s frown pushed further into his face, “You unfortunately heard correctly.”

“Welp, this is not a topic for lunch,” James cut off with a pointed grin, “let’s talk about literally anything else.”

“Why’d I get stuck with the weird ones,” Regulus heard Remus plead under his breath, looking up at the ceiling for answers.

“How was your summer, Pete?” James pressed on.

*******

Throughout lunch, Regulus learned that Peter spent the summer in Spain with his family, and that that was an annual tradition, as well as the fact that he was studying environmental science, played as a goal-keeper for the soccer team, loved chess, and was deeply afraid of geese.

Honestly Regulus wasn’t sure how the last one worked its way into the conversation, but felt sympathetic for the poor boy since he’d chosen to go to school in Vermont.

Peter was pretty quiet and timid, which Regulus could relate to to some degree, but too unsure of himself to really be likable in his opinion.

Still, Regulus found himself enjoying a pleasant conversation between the five of them, feeling very comfortable and able to pitch in a comment or two every now and then. Whenever he did, Sirius smiled at him like a proud father, which Regullus would die before admitting made him proud himself.

When they’d all eaten and finished their caffeinated drinks of choice, they paid and started the walk back to campus.

“Anyone want to come back to my dorm for a game of chess?” Pete asked.

“Oh, I think I’ll take you up on that,” Remus nodded, “I do get pretty competitive, though.”

“Don’t let Pete fool you, he’s just as bad,” James warned, “I haven’t once beaten him. I’ll come to mediate, though, can’t have you two ripping eachother’s heads off.”

“Hmm, maybe I’ll join another time, Petey,” Sirius hummed, “I wanted to tour Reggie here around the campus a bit.”

Regulus looked at his brother with one eyebrow raised, as if to say, You did?

Sirius gave a gentle smile, Yes, but only if you wanted to, it read.

Regulus hummed with a nod, “Mm, ok. But I’m challenging you both to a match later.”

Sirius beamed at him.

The two groups broke off, saying goodbyes.

*******

“Oh, and this is where James and I…”

Regulus listened to Sirius animatedly ramble while he gave him a complete tour of the grounds, telling over-embellished versions of stories from his previous year.

To be honest, he was mostly zoning out and kicking the rocks along the path, and nodding at appropriate times, just happy to be there with his brother.

Hogwarts was really such a gorgeous school. All of the buildings had plenty of grass and foliage surrounding them, with the vibrant yellow and reds from the trees creating a canopy over the stone covered paths, and dusted them with a layer of fallen leaves. Walking through there felt straight out of a magical movie.

Regulus once again couldn’t believe that this was their life, that he was free to walk around with his brother like this, happy, and truly getting to enjoy the little things.

He suddenly felt the urge to express to Sirius just how thankful he was for making it all possible. They didn’t talk about it, ever, because it would just bring back bad memories for the both of them, but Regulus felt like now was the time to say something.

Interrupting whatever Sirius was saying at that moment, he said, “You know, I used to hate you for leaving.”

Sirius turned towards him in confusion, caught off guard, but let him keep going.

Regulus gave a soft, humorless laugh.

“The worst part is, I understood why. Even then, I knew it wasn’t your fault, that you had to go. You were disowned, you were injured- bad. You couldn’t have stayed if you wanted to.”

Sirius gave him a sad look, still saying nothing, but nodding along in acknowledgement.

“I think- and as f*cked up as it is- I think I was jealous of you.”

“I think, that I wanted it to be me who was bold enough to tell mother exactly who I was, no matter the consequences. I just-”

Regulus broke off with a crack of his voice, teary with emotion.

He turned his eyes back towards the rock he was kicking.

“I guess what I’m trying to say is, I forgive you. I understand.”

“Not that you even need to be forgiven in the first place, but-”

“Reggie,” Sirius stopped his rambling, placing a reassuring hand on his arm.

Regulus took a breath in, out. Then continued.

“I’m glad that we get a second chance at…this,” he motioned his hand between them, “I’m glad we get to call the same place home again.”

He risked a look up into Sirius’s face, where his own tears were welling up.

Sirius blinked at them for a moment before throwing himself at Regulus, crushing him into a tight hug.

“And I-” Regulus continued, still, “I wanted to say thank you, Sirius. I don’t say it enough, and you- you deserve to know how much I appreciate you.”

“Knock it off,” Sirius softly punched his shoulder- his voice watery, and still muffled from being buried in his sweater, “You’re gonna make me cry, you sap.”

He was pretty sure they were both crying pretty hard at that point already, but neither of them actually cared.

They were safe.

They were together, calling the same place home.

And most importantly, they got to be brothers again.

Chapter 4: Tipped Kings

Chapter Text

Peter POV

“Check in three,” Peter announced as he moved his piece further in towards Remus, locking in his King.

The other boy's eyes scanned rapidly around the board with his thumb holding his chin and his pointer finger curled over his lips.

With a huff of defeat, he removed the hand from his face to tip over his King in resignation.

“Nah, you win. I think I just need to accept my fate and admit I can’t beat you,” he laughed and reached a hand over to Pete.

“Good game- or eleven,” Remus gave a sheepish smile, “Probably should’ve given up on game three, you’re a brilliant player.”

Peter grinned in return, taking Remus’s hand to shake.

“Honestly, you almost had me there a couple of times, haven’t had that happen in a while. Love a good challenge.”

“Happy to provide.”

Yes, apparently you are, Peter thought, slightly passive-aggressively, but kept the amicable smile on his face nonetheless.

“James, want a game?” Pete asked, hopeful. He hadn’t played James forever, the other always complaining that he never won. Hell, Peter even considered going easy on him, just to get him to play again.

“Nah, you always beat me!” James replied predictably.

There was a tiny falter in Pete’s expression.

“Play me then,” Remus offered with an innocent smile, “Eleven matches proved I’m not as good as him, anyway.”

“Hmmm…” James considered.

“Alright,” he sighed, though his lips were pulling up at the corners.

As they set up the pieces for a new match, Peter tried to explode Remus with his mind.

The moment James had texted him, earlier that day for lunch, and said, quote, “possible new friendz joining us!!!!:))))”, Peter knew he was once again going to be overshadowed.

And he understood James and Sirius’s codependency, he’d heard their story. But James and Peter had a story too, didn’t they?

James had been the first one to talk to him genuinely for the first time when they’d arrived at school. Everyone else gave him those fake, bitchy smiles that are just for show, but James?

Looking at him was like looking at the sun.

It had been their first soccer practice of the school year- pre-season- and here comes Peter, the short, chubby, new freshman goalkeeper.

The other boys didn’t even spare him a fake smile.

Peter pretended he didn’t mind, focusing instead on tying his cleat laces, throwing his lightly padded goalie-shirt over his head, and lastly tugging on his stiff, oversized gloves.

As he was spraying a bit of water on them for better grip (Peter was never a spitter on his gloves like he’d seen some other people do, he always found it gross) a kind voice came from beside him.

“New goalie, huh? I’m your center de’.”

Peter turned to the speaker.

He had wild dark brown curls and naturally tan skin, with big round eyes framed with long lashes. His gaze was intense, but intensely friendly. Peter later discovered that he wore contacts for sports, but had big, endearing circular gold framed glasses that softened that intensity quite a bit.

Not only was the new person cute, but it was, ‘Your center de’’, that he’d said.

Peter’s heart did a flip in his chest.

“Well, I’m probably gonna be on the bench most of the time, being a freshman and all, but figured we should get to know each other if we’re gonna be working together on the field all the time. I’m James,” he finished, beaming.

“Peter,” he smiled in return.

And work together they did.

Whenever Peter needed cover, James was there, falling back without hesitation. When James directed his line up, Peter followed loosely behind, fully trusting his judgment of the play. James was the one who covered his posts on corner kicks, or blocked every free kick by the goal. Peter was the one who warned James of sneaky passes the other team could be planning, that only his vantage point allowed him to see.

When they were on the field together, they were unstoppable.

When they did anything together, Pete was on top of the world.

But then, James would make a good play, and it wasn’t ever Peter’s “Nice, James!” he turned to with that sun of a smile. No, it was Sirius, whooping from the stands who he’d look at first- always.

And when the three of them hung out, it was never Peter’s jokes that made James double over with that contagious laugh of his. No it was always Sirius’s- always.

Peter understood their relationship, but he resented it.

He resented how they were closer than he and James would ever be, and Peter would always end up the second choice because of it.

He resented that even if Sirius and James had met after he and Peter did, he would probably still be the second choice.

He resented that he couldn’t find a way to destroy Sirius’s image to James, because James had been with him through it all.

Honestly, he didn’t think he could ever really destroy Sirius in the first place. His parents had put him through more than Peter could ever imagine, his feeble attempt to bring him down would most likely be as successful as fighting a bear with a toothpick- it would just bounce right off Sirius, hardly leaving a mark.

So instead Peter befriended him while silently hating him from the sidelines, always preferring to keep his enemies close.

Strategizing was always one of Peter’s fortes. It’s why he was such a good goalkeeper, and why he was such a good chess player. He was like a rat in the walls, someone who went unnoticed, but heard everything. Peter figured the more information he absorbed, the more he could protect himself.

He could make himself a credible source while making others seem untrustworthy to reach his goals- the world was an evil place, sometimes you had to resort to evil methods if you wanted to get anywhere in life.

Once or twice the thought floated through his head that it shouldn’t matter how close Sirius and James were because they were practically brothers, afterall. It was never going to be romantic.

But, Peter also knew that no matter how much he wished, James wasn’t gay. And even if he was, he certainly wouldn’t be attracted to Peter.

So the next best thing was being the most important person in James’s life, platonically. Peter couldn’t be that though, if the roll was already filled- hence the ongoing hatred.

Now, as he peered over Jame’s shoulder to see his next move (and wincing at the lack of thought behind it) Peter also kept a close eye on Remus.

Though Remus was a good looking guy, Pete wasn’t worried about the romantic aspect of things with him either, seeing as he practically eye-f*cked Sirius all through lunch, but he and Jame’s seemed to be clicking rather quickly anyways.

Peter was content with his second place trophy, he could live with that; he’d earned it for being such a dedicated friend.

He was not about to be bumped to third.

Peter would’ve also liked to watch over James’s new roommate- who was apparently also Sirius’s younger brother, the fates were honestly just having a laugh at him at this point- but he’d gone off with Sirius over an hour ago and they still hadn’t returned.

That one, he didn’t trust in the romance genre.

Oh, it was subtle all right, but Peter saw those small, wistful stares from Regulus’s eyes.

Seriously, hadn’t they just met?

Peter rolled his eyes at the memory, putting Regulus on the backburner for now.

All he could do was watch and see how everything played out.

And if Regulus started taking his pieces, Peter would make him too, tip his King.

*******

James POV

After failing miserably to beat Remus at chess, even with Peter occasionally whispering moves behind him, James walked back into his dorm with a contented sigh.

It was so good to be back and with his friends, his people. It was so good that the list of who those were was already growing.

His connection with Remus was instant, it felt like he’d known him for years instead of hours. James liked the push and pull of their newfound dynamic, he felt like a good, solid rock to balance the scales, opposed to his friendship with Sirius where they were two of the same breed. Those two always functioned in extremes, on one side of the spectrum or the other. Peter was sort of like Remus in his and James’s dynamic, but he was more of a cushion than an anchor.

His connection with Regulus on the other hand, was still…pending.

James could figure out Regulus himself pretty easily, or at least assumed he could read his behavior decently, but he couldn’t figure out their dynamic yet.

James couldn’t tell if his jabs and insults were just sarcastic jokes or not, but he figured laughing at them couldn’t hurt either way. He couldn’t tell if Regulus’s frighteningly neutral, analytical looks were of curiosity or disgust, but figured smiling back was harmless.

Honestly, James couldn’t tell if that boy liked him or hated him, but he was determined to try making Regulus his friend anyways.

Speaking of which, as James opened the door and waved at the other boy, all he offered in response was a small glance up from where he was writing in a journal and a small nod before returning to his task.

Regulus had on a pair of big, noise canceling, over the ear headphones that were plugged into his phone which was lost to the sheets. He’d also already dressed down into a comfortable looking, worn black crew-neck and dark green joggers.

His small journal was propped up on his knees, and had a plain black leather cover with one small star indented in the center. Regulus wrote fluently and calmly, never slowing down or hesitating over words. It was like he was just pouring out every thought in his brain simply to make room for more.

James cleared his throat to get Regulus’s attention.

When he looked up again, this time an annoyed little frown tugging at his lips, James tapped on his own ear to indicate he wanted Regulus to remove his headphones. With a small huff, he obliged.

“Yes?” Regulus asked with an even tone, but a sharp glare. It truthfully made James a bit nervous, but he continued for his mission of befriending the younger Black.

“You write,” he stated dumbly.

Regulus raised an unimpressed eyebrow.

James coughed, “Hem-Um- well, yeah that was obvious but um…what I meant is, what are you writing? Or er- what do you like to write?”

Regulus stiffened a bit, holding the journal closer to his body instinctively, as if James would steal it from his grasp and shout all of his secrets to the world, “It’s a journal. I’m journaling,” he replied unhelpfully, looking a bit suspicious.

“Oh, cool!” James smiled and flopped down onto his bed, not wanting to press and make Regulus even more tense- not that Jmaes would ask anyone the details of their private journal anyways, but he had a feeling that Regulus needed him to display that to earn his trust.

Apparently, it worked, because a few seconds later he heard the other man exhale, and turned to see that the tension dissolved from his frame.

“I like… poetry,” he added, still sounding a little unsure.

Then, with more confidence continued, “Since you asked what I like to write- I like poetry. I’m studying historical writing, though.”

This piqued James’s interest (he also internally fist-pumped in celebration at the small win of getting information out of Regulus).

“Oh! Maybe we’ll be in some of the same classes, then. I’ve got some history ones on my schedule since I’m minoring in Sociology, but I’m a Psych major other than that. I just really love people,” he gave a soft smile to himself.

Regulus scanned him over once again with his terrifying neutrality.

“Hmm…,” he hummed, “Hero complex much?”

James blinked, not expecting that reaction.

Recovering from the call-out, he painted back on a co*cky smile.

“If I were to have any complex- which I don’t,” Regulus’s lips twitched in amusem*nt, “it’s not like a hero complex is the worst one to have. What’s wrong with wanting to help people, wanting to make the world a better place?”

“Well you tell me, Mr. Psychology Major, just how far can you stretch yourself for other people until you break? How far are you going to take it? If someone else’s happiness is at the expense of your own, who’s are you prioritizing?” Regulus challenged with a knowing smirk, leaving Jame’s mouth gaping like a fish, struggling to find the words to respond.

This was exactly the sort of thing that confused James about Regulus so much- one second he looked like he wanted to kill him, the next he was lecturing James on taking better care of himself. The only thing he was learning to expect from Regulus was to be a bit awestruck every time he opened his mouth.

The first thing James managed to say was, “Are you sure you’re not a Psych major? Because you honestly just read me like a f*cking book.’

He actually got a little laugh out of Regulus at that, which James also internally celebrated. It was the first time James had heard him properly laugh, not just blowing air through his nose or giving a derisive snort. No, this laugh was like a soft tinkling of jingle bells, and carved out a warm pit in Jame’s heart while matching that temperature to his face.

“Or, screw the historical writing,” he went on, “if your poetry is anything like that… you’d connect with so many people.”

Regulus sighed dreamily, “Mm, that would be the dream, but I don’t want to be stuck stocking shelves in the pharmacy for the rest of my life to support myself. There’s a lot more money in historical writing, it’s the safer option.”

Before James could cut in to tell him it was more important to follow his dreams, Regulus was quick to reason with a pointed look, expecting James’s next words.

“And I do enjoy it…I guess I love people too, in my own way. History is just the study of all of our when’s and where’s and why’s and how’s. And poetry- well it has to be the most raw, personal expression of humanity that’s ever been created,” he said profoundly, eyes lighting up a bit with his obvious passion for the subjects.

Looking like that, Jame’s would’ve believed anything that came out of Regulus’s mouth as fact. If he said that up was down and left was right, or that the sky was red, not blue, James would’ve just nodded along without a second thought.

Upon seeing and misinterpreting James’s shocked stare as one of judgment, Regulus cleared his throat and got that defensive look back in his gaze.

“I don’t like people like you do, though. I prefer them from afar,” he said with implications that James ignored.

Instead he beamed at Regulus and said, “Yeah, I get that. Sometimes people are a bit much up close, even for me.”

Once again, the protective sharpness softened in Regulus. James felt like he was solving a complex and delicately set up puzzle, but it was one he was so interested in that he didn’t care if it took years to complete. Figuring Regulus out felt worth the hard work.

Maybe the feelings were a bit extreme for them having just met that day, but it felt right to James.

“Yeah, they are aren’t they,” Regulus gave him a once-over again, this time with a gentle smile, then lightly shook his head and repositioned his headphones over his ears.

The two lay in content silence on their respective beds until they both drifted off, bringing their first day that year at Hogwarts to a close.

Chapter 5: Awakenings

Chapter Text

Regulus POV

The next week flew by, getting settled into his new living space, getting settled with who he was sharing that living space with, and just in general getting acquainted with life on campus.

It was a peacefully small school, so it was pleasant to go and wander the grounds and buildings ahead of time to avoid getting lost.

Sometimes Sirius tagged along just to spend time with him, other times it was Remus who came along, also taking in his new surroundings- but most often Regulus went on these walks by himself.

Then, he’d come back to the dorm, and James would be there asking how his walk was, or what he thought of the school so far.

Or, if Sirius wasn’t already with Regulus, he too would be with James in their room. And if neither of them were there, he’d find a sticky note from James on their shared desk saying he went to Sirius and Remus’s dorm. Sometimes Regulus would join them (mostly to gossip with Remus or judge his brother).

It was much easier than Regulus expected it to be to become acclimated to this new life, perhaps he just felt more at ease there.

Before he knew it, the first day of classes was upon them.

As every other morning thus far had started, Jame’s alarm (which was considerably quieter than Sirius’s, thank God) woke them both up bright and early for five-AM.

Regulus made a noise of discontent, turning flat on his stomach and burying his face deep into his pillow.

“What lunatic decided sports had to be done at five in the morning? I’ll f*cking break their legs,” he complained, muffled by said pillow.

So maybe he got a little violent when unwillingly woken up- Regulus was decidedly not a morning person.

James let out a soft chuckle, voice hoarse from sleep, “Well it wasn’t me, so my legs are safe for now, but I quite like morning practice. It’s more peaceful before the world wakes up,” he said thoughtfully.

Still not raising his face from the depths of his pillow to look, Regulus flipped James the bird.

“Shut up. It’s too early to be poetic.”

James sighed dramatically, his bed squeaking from what Regulus guessed was him sitting down, “Never is it too early, nor is it too late to be poetic, dear Reginald.”

Regulus surfaced one eye too glare at him, “You know that’s not my name.”

James smiled idiotically, “Yeah, I do.”

“Urgh,” Regulus groaned, shifting to be fully face-planted again.

There was a bit more bustling around the room from James as he got ready for practice, which Regulus had made a routine of listening to carefully, trying to guess what the other was doing- drawers opening and closing (getting out a set of clothes to play in, and another to change into afterwards), searching footsteps (trying to find one last piece of gear he needed), and indiscernible murmurs to himself filed the space (again, trying to remember where he’d put his things).

“Hey, you still up?” James whispered when he was finished.

“Unfortunately.”

“Want me to set my second alarm for you so you don’t miss your first class?”

For some reason, out of all the nice things James had done in the short time they’d known each other, this made Regulus blush.

Regulus was sure that James was just being his typical kind self, always thinking of others first, but something about the fact he cared enough to program his second alarm to Regulus’s needs felt so… domestic.

Suddenly feeling a bit rude in comparison, Regulus finally managed to push himself up to properly look at James when he responded.

Which might have been a worse idea with James now dressed for soccer, and glasses discarded for contact-lenses.

“Sure, thank you,” Regulus gave a small nod, ignoring whatever attempt his heart was making to go into cardiac arrest.

James’s expression melted into something soft- which really wasn’t helping.

“Of course. See you later, yeah? Don’t we have Mythology & Theology together at nine?” as he messed with the buttons on his clock.

Regulus nodded again in agreement, yawning softly.

“See you.”

*******

When Regulus woke up for the second time, the sound of the alarm made him smile fondly, remembering that James had set it for him.

Two seconds later though, now well-rested enough to process his reactions and what they meant, his smile vanished.

Oh, absolutely not. He thought, because, well- absolutely not.

Regulus didn’t get crushes, and he definitely didn't get crushes on boys. He just didn’t.

And James wasn’t just a boy either; not only was he hisroommate, but his brother’s best-friend. The notion of having romantic feelings for him was borderline perverted, wasn’t it?

This had to be the absolute worst scenario to have his gay awakening, Regulus thought, if that’s what it even was. Seriously, why couldn’t it have happened in high school or something when he wasn’t actively living with the cause?

Regulus dug his palms into his eyes.

Maybe if he didn’t think about it at all, the feelings would just resolve themselves. Not that Regulus even had any serious feelings for James, but he certainly wasn’t going to let it get to that point.

When in doubt, shove it down.

Regulus knew that that technically wasn’t a healthy solution to his problems, but considering the last time he was in a ‘sharing-mood’ he was kicked out, abused, and disinherited…well, he was bound to have some trust issues.

Mood thoroughly ruined, he shoved back his blankets and got up to slam off the alarm and find an outfit suitable for class.

Once completing his morning routine with much more violent intent than normal, Regulus looked back at James’s stupid side of the room with his stupid cute pile of stuffed animals from the doorway, and tried to burn it all away from existence with a glare. Nothing moved.

The little black cat on his pillow even seemed to smile at him, infuriatingly innocent.

With a huff of defeat, Regulus spun on his heel and clicked the door shut behind him.

*******

James POV

Getting back out onto the field really did wonders for James.

Not only was it great to see all of his teammates again- and meet his new ones- but there was something about running drills that released and dissolved all of his anxieties.

There was nothing like the familiar, repetitive, hard work of training with his team to put James’s mind at peace.

So entering his first class of the new year, James was feeling happy and calm, almost in a trance.

He caught sight of Regulus already seated across the lecture hall, and plopped down next to his roommate with a smile, saying, Hey!.

He might have seen Regulus tense a bit, which would’ve been odd considering how comfortable he seemed just a few hours ago with James, but the difference in posture was too unnoticeable to be sure.

Before he was able to ask, the door swung open and their Professor walked to the desk in the front of the classroom to start introducing herself. James had actually taken a different class with her last year, and had enjoyed Minerva McGonagall’s course so thoroughly that he would often stay afterwards to chat about it, so he didn’t pay much attention to the woman’s introduction.

Instead, James was staring off at Regulus, trying to figure out if he had seen the other flinch.

James was aware of the conversations flipping to actually relate to their coursework work, questions being asked and answered in the background, but the only thing he was seeing was Regulus.

He seemed fine in general once the discussion picked up- maybe James was just overthinking it?

Regulus didn’t show any further signs of discomfort, he just wrote down notes in focus, or got an excited gleam in his eye when someone said something interesting- or, countering that, looked subtly confused and annoyed when someone said something rather dull-minded.

Suddenly the hour had flown by, and James hadn’t absorbed a single thing actually related to the class, except Minerva’s final statement of,

“And that will be due on Wednesday, when I see you next.”

James blinked back into focus as the rest of the class started shifting to pack up their things around him.

sh*t.

He cleared his throat awkwardly to get Regulus’s attention. Regulus raised an eyebrow in response.

“Er- this is sort of a stupid question, but um- What’s due Wednesday?”

Regulus looked at him flatly, “Are you serious?”

James refrained from answering, No, that’s your brother! which honestly showed his dedication to Minerva- or how much he feared her disappointment. Not just any teacher could make James lose the opportunity to make a corny joke in favor of getting the homework.

Instead, he sucked in a breath through his teeth, and replied, “Yeah… I kinda zoned out at the end there,” as if he didn’t zone out the whole class.

Regulus just continued his unimpressed look and got up from his seat, walking entirely past James, who scrambled to follow.

“Regulus, please,” he drew out, begging as he sped down the hall to catch up, “I’ll trade you a stuffed animal for your knowledge?”

Regulus stopped in his tracks to whip his head around, eyebrows knit together, “Why would I want that?”

“Hm, that’s never not worked before,” James mumbled, tilting his head.

“Wait, you've traded stuffed animals for homework multiple times?”

“Well not just homework- getting my friends to volunteer for things, internet stalking my dates before I went out with them, keeping secrets…” James listed, counting off on his fingers as he did, “getting Marlene to make me a grilled cheese-”

“Ok, ok, I get it,” Regulus interrupted, shaking his head.

“You realized you could just go back and ask Professor McGonagall, right?” he asked, exasperated.

James squinched up his face, “Not as fun. Minnie would just scold me, and I’m way more scared of her.”

Regulus made a face at the nickname for their professor, but then thought for a moment before sighing heavily.

“The black cat on your pillow,” he spoke with finality, as if making an important business proposition- which was way more endearing than it should’ve been.

“Deal,” James beamed.

Good to see his tactics of persuasion were still working.

Regulus nodded as they resumed walking, looking like he was questioning all of the decisions in his life that lead up to that point.

“Ok. We were assigned a one-thousand word minimum essay on our own personal beliefs, whether that’s religious or moral values. She said it was good to consider what we believe is right and wrong before trying to begin to understand what people through time believed was right and wrong. I think it’s to help us realize our values revolve around modern context or something- like, if we don’t agree with something of the past, it’ll be easier to hold an argument for why we don’t agree, but it'll also be easier to make an argument for their logic by looking at the type of society they were historically living in,” Regulus said casually with a shrug.

James once again found himself staring at Regulus in awe.

The latter folded in a bit on himself, looking away shyly.

“McGonagall basically said the same thing, I’m just paraphrasing…”

“No, no, I had Minnie last year,” James pointed out, “she never tells us that much context for why we’re doing an assignment before we actually do it. You’re just a genius little sh*t,” he bopped Regulus on the head with his pointer finger.

Regulus swatted at his hand like an angry cat, “Stop that- so maybe I made some of that up. Wasn’t too hard to figure out,” he brushed himself off again.

They stepped out of the history building, the punch of crisp, cold air refreshing after being in the stuffy, artificially heated building, and they turned on the path back towards their dorms.

“I wouldn’t have made that connection,” James argued.

“Yes, but you’re an idiot,” Regulus stated bluntly.

“‘Aye, Reg! stop calling James an idiot,” Sirius appeared behind them, flicking Regulus on the side of the head.

Regulus swatted at Sirius too, but more to push him directly in the face.

“Compared to him? I think it’s valid enough,” James laughed.

“Pff, Reggie here being a little nerd?” Sirius teased, obviously undeterred by Regulus’s attempts to shove him away seeing as he now hung his arms around his little brother’s neck from the side to dangle there. Regulus just let it happen this time.

“Mm, only because James ‘zoned out’ and didn’t hear the homework.”

“And did Jamie dearest appropriately compensate you for saving his ass?”

“So this really is a common occurrence?” Regulus asked, disbelieving.

“Yes,” James and Sirius chorused in unison.

“I got a black cat,” Regulus filled Sirius in on the trade.

“Ooo, James let you have that one!? It’s like, his favorite!” Sirius exclaimed, giving James a suspicious glare.

Is there something going on here? It seemed to say.

Nope! That was just the one he wanted, that’s all! James tried to convey with his own eyes.

Because really, that’s all it was to James… wasn’t it?

“Oh, you don’t have to, then,” Regulus inclined his head in confusion.

“No, really, it’s ok! He’s the only one you wanted, right?”

“Well yeah, but if he’s your favorite…” he pouted, still looking unsure.

“I really don’t mind, and it’s not like he’s leaving the room anyways,” James reasoned.

“Yeah, you guys can just have shared custody of him! Problem solved.”

Sirius smiled, then cringed at what he said, “wait never mind, forget that analogy.”

“No that actually sounds… fine,” Regulus agreed, “he stays on my bed though.”

James bickered sarcastically, “Aw, I don’t even get him on weekends?”

Both brothers gave him the same scary neutral face- which was honestly quite creepy.

“Yeesh, that’s creepy,” Remus voiced James’s thoughts, joining their walk, “what’d you say to them?”

“I asked for custody of my own stuffed animal on the weekends,” James explained, serving only to perplex Remus further.

“Yeah, I’m not even going to ask.”

When the four got to the entrance of Gryffindor, Sirius and Regulus split off in opposite directions to each go to their next classes while James and Remus continued inside.

On the way back to hang around in James’s room, he explained the cat-trade to Remus, even though as Remus said before, he didn’t ask. To be fair, he didn’t complain, either.

Once inside, James made sure to transfer the little black cat lying on his pillow over to Regulus’s.

*******

Regulus POV

Regulus still had room in his schedule for a filler-class after signing up for all of the required courses for his major, so he chose Introductory Ceramics. Because why not?

People said it was relaxing, and Regulus could always use another creative outlet.

The instructor of the class tasked them with attempting to build a pot on the wheel with no instruction first, to see how their artistic processes took shape, or something.

Safe to say, some people’s artistic processes ‘took shape’ in much more creative ways than others.

As Regulus was trying to gently guide his blob of clay upwards like he’d seen in videos online, the boy next to him nudged his shoulder, careful enough not to mess up his work.

He had long, near-white dreads tucked haphazardly into a large bun on the back of his head, and white eyebrows and eyelashes to match. The delicacy of that was counteracted, though, by his square, angular features, the elegant but abundant floral tattoos along his pale skin, and multiple facial piercings.

“I think that guy’s just sculpting a dick,” he pointed a few wheels down to where another student was indeed, just sculpting a rather detailed imitation of male genitalia. It was obvious that he’d just used the wheel to stretch the clay as tall as it could go, grossly exaggerating the proportions.

The guy himself was rather scrawny, purposefully baggy clothing and smudgy, raccoon-like makeup even furthering that look. His hair was a mess of pin-straight, brown, spiky tufts, intermixed with a few strands of neon green.

“Not very proportional,” Regulus noted to the classmate who nudged him.

He snorted, “You’re funny. What’s your name?”

“Regulus… Black.”

“Evan Rosier,” he introduced himself in return.

“Yo, dick guy!” Evan abruptly called out, “Your proportions are off!”

‘Dick-guy’ gave him a wicked grin.

“Naw, you’re just jealous that you can’t make a beautiful sculpture like this,” he then looked Evan up and down, unsubtly licking his lips.

“From the way you handle that clay though, I bet you have a beautiful ‘sculpture’ like this,” he waggled his dark, metal-studded eyebrows, motioning to the phallic shape in front of him, “‘Love a guy with strong hands.”

Regulus rolled both of his lips in and pressed them together to avoid laughing, while Evan just looked baffled.

“Did you just insult my pottery skills… and then make sexual advances towards me?”

“Mm, I think he did,” a soft, sweet voice observed cheerily from beside Evan.

There was no way she wasn’t his twin, they shared the same ethereal white hair and sharp features, though hers were more triangular.

She had braids instead of dreadlocks, with various charms and metal coils adorning them, making her look fairy-like.

“Very interesting tactic,” Regulus added, very observantly in his opinion.

The girl nodded with a smile.

“Thank you,” dick-guy mock-bowed, “gotta keep it interesting to catch the crazy ones.”

“And who are you, calling me crazy?” Evan challenged with heat- but didn’t necessarily look upset.

“Well my name’s Barty, but you can call me whatever-”

“No, I think I’m going to stop you there,” the girl interrupted, her serene smile still in place, “I love being in my brother’s business, but not that much.”

“Thanks, Panda.”

“Panda?” Regulus questioned the odd nickname.

“Pandora,” she clarified, “nice to meet you.”

“You as well,” Regulus nodded.

“Hmm, well if I can’t get in your pants, then this whole budding-friendship thing you’ve got going on seems nice. Mind if I join?” Barty raised his eyebrows in question.

“Of course,” Pandora beamed, exposing the smiley piercing that lay on her two front teeth, “being your friend will definitely make this class more entertaining.”

Regulus hummed with a nod. Evan still looked thrown for a loop.

“You try to be outgoing one f*cking time,” Evan muttered under his breath.

“You sort of just learn to roll with people like that at some point,” Regulus was reminded of Sirius as he inclined his head in Barty’s direction, “it’s easier than trying to figure them out, believe me.”

“Yeah, guess you’re right,” Evan sighed, returning to his own failing pot.

Regulus was surprised how much he was enjoying his new little friend circle, the rest of the hour being filled with soft, easy conversations with the Rosier twins, or the random out-of-pocket innuendos from Barty- which typically lead to bickering between him and Evan.

His pot may have looked like garbage, but he was having too much fun to really care.

Chapter 6: Sharks and Songs

Chapter Text

Remus POV

The “Students With Disabilities Group” ran at one PM, and Remus was still debating whether or not he should go at twelve forty-five.

He’s had some really good experiences with these types of groups in the past- it was always nice to gain support from people who can actually understand what you’re going through- but he’d also had some more regrettable ones, making him hesitate.

Remus scrubbed a hand over his face and looked back down at his phone, where he’d taken a picture of the flier he’d seen around campus, stating the meeting place (a reserved study room in the library) and time.

Couldn’t hurt to try, he reasoned with himself, I just won’t go again if it’s sh*t.

And so, decision made, Remus got himself up and started on his way to the library.

*******

The first person he saw when he entered the room was a peppy-looking bleach blonde with bold, red-painted lips and wildly framed glasses- well, she was the only other person at the moment, but she had quite a presence.

“Hi, er- this is the Student’s with Disabilities meeting, right?” he asked, double checking that he’d walked into the correct study room.

“Hiya, hon! Yep, you’ve come to the right place!” she confirmed in a squealing voice, “My name is Rita, I lead the group. Take a seat, you’re still a little early.”

Remus gave Rita a nod, and chose the seat directly across from her in the circle she moved them into, which honestly already lowered Remus’s expectations for the group.

He swore that anytime a group leader felt the need to arrange the chairs in a circle like one of those f*cking movie stereotypes, the meeting was doomed to be insufferable.

“And your name?” she pressed once he sat down, readying her pen and clipboard- because of course she was taking f*cking attendance, too.

“Remus,” he replied politely, forcing a smile.

A couple minutes went by, and a few more students filtered in. Two girls linking arms entered first, one with lovely white braids reaching almost to her thigh and dried clay streaking up her arms, and the other with a wild mane of honey blonde curls, tied away from her face with a flowery handkerchief, and thick-lensed spectacles.

The first introduced herself as Pandora, and the other Sybil.

The next person to join them was a girl in a wheelchair, “I heart women” plastered across her t-shirt. She had choppy, yellow-blonde hair that was poorly blended at the roots, but she managed to pull it off, along with the pink racoon-stripes framing her face. It made her smudgy black eyeliner stand out even more against her freckled cheeks. Her wheelchair was also decked out in stickers, adding to her punk-rock vibe.

She introduced herself as Marlene, Remus instantly liked her.

Just a few more people had come in by the time it was one, and just as Rita went to close the door to start the meeting, one more came bolting through.

“Hi- hi, sorry I’m late- ah f*ck, I shouldn’t have ran- we haven’t started yet, right?” Sirius asked, catching his breath from his aforementioned run.

Rita looked at him with wide eyes, “Um- nope! We were just about to get there, though. Welcome, take a seat.”

Barely refraining from laughing, Remus gave Sirius a little wave and motioned to the still-empty seat next to him. Sirius immediately brightened upon seeing his roommate, and took the spot.

“C’mon, Sirius, can’t even beat the lady in a wheelchair?” Marlene teased, “that’s just sad.”

“Oh come off it, Marls,” he rolled his eye, “I almost died on the way here, I’ll let you know. f*cking bikers, never watch where they’re going,” he murmured in distaste.

Marlene cracked up at her friend's expense, earning a playful glare.

“Alright, then!” Rita clapped at the head of the circle, drawing everyone’s attention, “let’s get started, shall we? It seems a few of us already know each other, that’s just wonderful, yeah? But for good measure, let’s go around and do introductions.”

“Just our names?” asked Sybil, “Or should we say anything else?”

“Hmm…” Rita hummed, “How about this. Name, pronouns, the year you’re in, and why you decided to come to our meeting! I’ll start…”

And so one by one, they rattled off their introductions (Marlene simply opted to motion to herself for the question of why she was here), and it was all running pretty smoothly until Sirius’s turn.

“And you are…?” Rita prompted.

Sirius blinked rapidly a couple of times, very obviously having been zoning out, “Hm? Oh yeah. My name is Sirius Black, and I’m an alch-” he coughed, “Hem- wrong meeting, sorry,” he corrected bashfully.

Remus pursed his lips to avoid laughing- really the fact that Sirius had the experience linked to his mistake wasn’t funny, but the horrified looks on everyone’s faces were hysterical.

“Hi, I’m Sirius…er…”

“Pronouns, grade,” Remus leaned over to whisper.

“Right! I’m Sirius,” he now repeated for the third time, “I use he and him pronouns, and I’m a sophom*ore.

“And the reason you’re here?” Rita attempted to salvage the trainwreck that the meeting was turning into.

“My eye was bitten out by a shark,” he said, deadpan.

Both Remus and Marlene burst out laughing at this, while everyone else looked mildly concerned.

“Oh, well I’m very sorry that happened, that sounds very traumatic,” Rita nodded with pity.

“It was,” Sirius smiled, countering his answer.

Catching Sirius’s very blatant lie, Remus decided to mess with him, just a little bit.

“Alright then,” Rita awkwardly moved on, making eye contact with Remus, “And you? It was Remus, right?”

“Yes, my name’s Remus, hello everyone,” he gave a little wave, “I also use he-him pronouns, I’m a freshman, but I took a gap year, and I’m here because coincidentally a shark also bit off my leg.”

Which was also a lie, but much more believable that Sirius’s due to the body part it revolved around.

Sirius jumped a bit in his seat, looking at Remus in utter mortification at his joke being in poor taste.

Remus held a straight face for about five seconds before losing it and cackling once more.

“Oh, f*ck, not really,” he managed between laughs, watching Sirius’s face turn from horror to relief to mild annoyance, “the look on your face, though.”

“I-um- alright, then,” Rita continued again, sounding unsure as she looked to the next person, desperately hoping they would have a normal answer, “um, and you?”

*******

After the meeting had ended, Remus, Marlene, and Sirius all made their way back towards the dorm buildings together.

“You prick,” Sirius elbowed Remus lightly once beyond the threshold of the study room doors, “I thought I had, like, seriously offended you or something!”

“He wouldn’t have been laughing so hard if you had, nit-wit,” Marlene rolled her eyes fondly at him.

“Yeah but- yes ok, but I was caught off guard,” Sirius stuttered out, flusteredly trying to defend himself.

“That was my intention,” Remus smirked down at him.

Sirius pouted.

“No fair. You don’t get to be tall and smart, pick one you loser,” he grumbled, crossing his arms.

Remus full on chuckled, “ When did my height become part of the argument?”

“You are a f*cking giant, man,” Marlene pretended to shield her eyes as she looked up to his face.

“You’re seated,” he pointed out.

“Wooow, never would’ve guessed,” she replied sarcastically with feigned shock.

They all had a laugh, all picking fun at each other until Marlene split off to grab some food from the dining hall.

Remus and Sirius walked in comfortable silence, enjoying the fresh air and good spirits they were in. It was really a very nice day, if not a little chilly, but nothing that a sweater and knit hat couldn’t fix.

Sirius was shivering lightly, though, so Remus pulled the beanie off his head, mused curls falling out as he did. He had the sides of his head shaved into a mullet, so the rush of cold air felt a little funny.

He wordlessly handed the hat to Sirius, who smiled sweetly.

“Thanks,” he breathed out, pulling the warm fabric over his head.

Remus blinked stupidly, gulping.

“‘Course.”

When the two did make it up to their room, Sirius handed the hat back over to Remus and flopped down on his bed.

“Well I don’t know about you, but I’m never showing my face in that club again,” he sighed.

“Mm, yeah, as lovely as it was to publicly embarrass you,” Sirius stuck out his tongue, “the group wasn’t really my crowd. Honestly, they wouldn’t know a good joke if it slapped them in the face.”

“Right?! That was peak humor on our part! No one even laughed!” Sirius agreed in mock-outrage.

“What a shame,” Remus shook his head, “well, we tried!”

“Yes we did,” Sirius lazily threw up just his arms, “Go us.”

“Go us,” Remus smiled.

*******

Regulus POV

Regulus’s last class of the day ended at three-thirty in the afternoon, and James’s started at four, so when Regulus got back to the dorm, Jame’s was getting ready to leave.

“Hey, how was class?” James asked as Regulus walked in.

“It was okay, nothing too exciting,” he shrugged.

“Mm,” James hummed, “that’s nice though, sometimes.”

“I suppose.”

Regulus walked over to his bed, where his headphones lay, and grabbed his CD player from the desk, plugging them in. He then carded through the small, square cases in the desk-top bookshelf, trying to decide on the best music to wind down with.

Settling on Hozier’s self-titled album, a favorite in his collection, Regulus pressed the button to pop the player open, carefully inserted the disk, and listened to the familiar mechanical buzzes and whirls as he waited for the starting notes to play.

Wanting to start with something more cheery and upbeat, he skipped to track three- Jackie and Wilson- before reclining on his bed with a contented sigh.

About half-way through the song, James waved him a good-bye, and left for class.

Then, it was just Regulus and the music.

As track three came to a close, he smiled at himself in anticipation of the next song- Someone New.

The opening notes were warm and playful, followed by energized piano chords staggering against them, and finally guitar, before opening up to the melody.

Now alone in the room, Regulus couldn’t help but get up and dance to the rhythmic, syncopated harmonies.

The thing is, Regulus loved dancing, despite the rigid, cold demeanor people often perceived of him- dancing alone, at least.

He could never find the freedom to flow with the melody or boldly step to the beat like he did in his privacy, when he was in a crowd.

There was just something so beautiful about dancing on your own, it made Regulus feel like he was running on water’s surface.

“Go and take this the wrong way,” Hozier’s rich, distinct voice sang out and into his ears, “You knew who I was with every step that I ran to you.”

Regulus let the tension release from every muscle, fulling letting his body be washed away by the music.

“Only blue or black days,” the man called out, Regulus bobbed his head fluidly at the rasp in his voice, “Electing strange perfections in any stranger I choose.”

Suspension chord rings out.

Regulus let his head fall back, arms circling slowly down and back with it, and then back over his head as Hozier’s voice cut in for the pre-chorus.

“Would things be easier, if there was a right way? Honey, there is no right way.”

He danced his arms down to chest level again, nodding on the two down beats before the drums picked up for the chorus, punctuating them in tandem with the piano.

He beamed to himself, then flooded into the chorus with every ounce of energy he possessed.

“And so I fall in love, just a little- oh a little bit! - Everyday with someone new,” repeats four times over, blaring out in his headphones.

Regulus started skipping around, jumping up and down, and bouncing his hips side to side with the fast pace of the song, forgetting to care about the people in the room underneath him.

It was just him, just him and his music, just him and his dancing.

It was just Regulus, and it was his first real day of college, and he was dancing.

If only him three months ago could see him now. If only his mother could see him now.

Regulus laughed out loud in pure, childish delight at the thought.

He twirled and twirled with the notes, banged his head around like a crazy person, let his arms do whatever they pleased, just because he could.

When the song came to a close, Regulus fell back on his mattress with a giddy grin.

Look at me now. I’m someone new.

Chapter 7: Party Animals

Chapter Text

James POV

James had made it all the way down the hall, into the elevator, and back onto the ground floor before realizing he’d forgotten his backpack- and therefore all of his note-taking supplies- in the room.

With a sigh, he spun on his heel to retrieve them.

Regulus is definitely going to give me sh*t for this, he thought, smiling to himself.

Was it weird that James was fond of the insults his roommate constantly threw at him? He didn’t know, but didn’t really care either. They made him laugh.

Fumbling with the room key, a little winded from sprinting down the hall, James opened the door.

“Sorry, Reg, I forgot my…” he trailed off.

What James wasn’t expecting to see when he entered their room, was Regulus absolutely absorbed in whatever CD he was listening to, jamming out, jumping around, and-

God, that smile. James had never seen anyone smile so brightly and genuinely. It was the type of smile that only comes out when you’re alone.

And then, to top it all off, Regulus laughed. Like, he properly giggled. It was the most innocent, lovely sound James had ever heard.

Jame’s heart could have stopped then and there, fluttering in such an intoxicating way.

“...bag,” he finished his original train of thought, whispering it out in a breath.

Regulus was lost in the music blaring through his headphones, eyes squeezed tightly shut in pure indulgence. It was beautiful. He was beautiful.

It was also the only reason James allowed himself to watch the other man for a couple of seconds… ok maybe a minute. Or two. Who could blame him though?

Regulus was proving over and over again that he was a complete and utter mystery to James, and oh how that made him want to spend every moment of his life solving it.

But James also knew that if he was caught watching, he’d be a dead man. Regulus would probably never look him in the eye again, or worse, be too scared to dance again.

So with a stupid, unmoving grin spanning ear to ear and a chest full of butterflies, James eased himself back out of the room, clicking the door softly behind him.

The little voice in the back of his head rang out softly, Is this what falling in love feels like?

It was only when he got to class (five minutes late) did James notice he still forgot his bag.

*******

A week later…

*******

Sirius POV

“Urghh, James, I’m so bored,” Sirius groaned out, dropping his face back down onto his best friend’s shoulder.

“We should go and do something, the whole group of us.”

The two were currently sitting in Sirius’s room, cuddled up on his bed and scrolling through James’s phone. Sirius loved James but seriously, he could only endure so many cute animal videos before his mind turned to mush.

“Yeah, sounds fun,” he agreed, distracted by a cat adorably befriending a deer on his screen, “Maybe Hog’s Head?”

“Ooo, yes!” Sirius bounced, sitting up.

Last year he, James, and Peter had found the little, sketchy-looking bar a few blocks from campus and taken a chance on it out of boredom.

The chance paid off.

It was honestly the most laid back, coolest place Sirius had ever been.

The music was always amazing, too- they played exclusively seventies and eighties songs, a blend of glam rock, new-wave, post-punk, and even occasionally a pop song or two to mix it up.

The crowd it attracted was also of some of the most diverse, kindest, and most accepting people that Sirius had ever interacted with. He’d seen strangers hold back each other’s hair when they threw up, help each other to their uber when they’d had too much to drink, and teach dance moves to newcomers in the scene.

They’d also always been served drinks, no questions asked, no ID needed- which technically wasn’t the most legal thing in the world, but Sirius wasn’t complaining.

“I’ll make a group chat, we can invite Reggie and Pete- oh, and Remus!”

“What time, do you think?”

“Hmm… let’s go after dinner, maybe eight-thirty? Nine?”

“Yeah, that works,” James nodded, now also getting excited.

Sirius got to work adding in all of their contacts into the group chat.

New Conversation:

<5:23 PM> You added ‘the love of my life’, ‘little sh*t’, ‘sharkboy’, and ‘ratatouille’ to the conversation

<5:23 PM> You changed the name of the conversation to “Party Animals”

Party Animals:

<5:24 PM> heyyty mitherf*ckers, hog’s head tonite at 8:30?

little sh*t

Sirius, what is this? And I really hope that isn’t some weird pork dish. <5:25 PM>

<5:25 PM> no, dwar brther, it is the voolest plaxe in the plsnet and we’re goinf

ratatouille

dont worry lol it’s just a small bag down the street <5:26 PM>

*bar <5:26 PM>

im down they don’t id you <5:26 PM>

little sh*t

That is actually illegal. We are all underage. <5:27 PM>

<5:27 PM> inly you wovld co*kplain reg, only you 😒

the love of my life

OOOO YWS YESLETS GOOO HIGS HEAD ♥️♥️♥️<5:27 PM>

little sh*t

Did you have a stroke? <5:28 PM>

the love of my life

HAKJDYBW LMAO NO <5:28 PM>

little sh*t

Sirius, I’m in class. Could you please check if there is a corpse in my room? <5:29 PM>

<5:30 PM> [image sent]

(picture of Sirius holding up a peace sign over James, who’s waving)

little sh*t

I think I’d prefer the corpse in my room. <5:31 PM>

ratatouille

LOL THIS DUDE <5:31 PM>

Regulus you’re my favorite now <5:31 PM>

<5:32 PM> BWTRAYAK PETE. VETRAYAL.

the love of my life

w8 pete i thought that wuz me :((((( <5:32 PM>

sharkboy

I got out of class TWO f*ckING MINUTES AGO <5:32 PM>

Can we all take a moment and shut the f*ck up for a second <5:33 PM>

And yes, 8:30 sounds good, i need a drink or five after that f*ckery of a class <5:33 PM>

little sh*t

I don’t know why I had faith in you, Remus. <5:33 PM>

sharkboy

Me either, I constantly reek of weed <5:34 PM>

Which I will also be bringing <5:34 PM>

<5:35 PM> YEXSS RWMUS I KMEW I COULD COINT ON YOU!

<5:35 PM> also can cnfirm, you coukd get srcond-hamd high frm just being in our riom

sharkboy

🖕😀 <5:36 PM>

<5:36 PM> ♥️

<5:36 PM> so we’re all goinf yeah?

the love of my life

YESSS 😁😁 <5:37 PM>

ratatouille

yup! <5:37 PM>

sharkboy

Yes but where is it? do we need a ride? <5:37 PM>

little sh*t

I suppose I’d feel guilty if Remus and Peter died from drunk driving… fine. <5:38 PM>

<5:38 PM> HEY f*ck YOH REGGIE >:(

the love of my life

🥺🥲 regggg so mean <5:38 PM>

but yeahhh we gnna need a ride its like a 30 min walj <5:38 PM>

little sh*t

I see you haven’t yet made full recovery from your stroke. <5:39 PM>

I guess I’m driving, then. Meet me in the visitor’s lot at 8:20 sharp or we won’t be having fun. <5:39 PM>

<5:40 PM> guys that’s not a threat he’s just like that i swear

<5:40 PM> it was a good attempt at showing excitement over text reggie!

little sh*t

Oh, it definitely was a threat. <5:40 PM>

<5:41 PM> aw see even your jokes are getting better!

sharkboy

Should we tell him Pete? <5:41 PM>

ratatouille

naw let the man be delusional <5:41 PM>

*******

Regulus POV

Pottery whor*s:

<5:45 PM> You all seem like you would know what to wear to a bar.

Dick Guy

oh f*ck yeah i do >:) <5:46 PM>

Rosier 1

I guess, why? <5:47 PM>

Panda

Not really but I can imagine! <5:47 PM>

Evan, you usually wear that cropped hoodie right? <5:47 PM>

Rosier 1

Mhm its yurs but i pull more in it <5:49 PM>

Panda

Happy to help! <5:49 PM>

<5:49 PM> Hmm, interesting. I don’t own anything cropped, though.

<5:49 PM> My brother and roommate are dragging me to be their driver.

Dick Guy

wow i just got the mental image of both of you in cropped hoodies thats hot <5:50 PM>

you’d definitely pull me rosie ;) <5:50 PM>

and easy fix, you have scissors? <5:50 PM>

<5:50 PM> I’m going to ignore that, Bartemius Crouch Jr.

<5:51 PM> No, I don’t have scissors. Will a dagger do?

Rosier 1

also ignoring <5:51 PM>

so you don’t have scissors, but you have a dagger? are those even allowed on campus? <5:51 PM>

Dick Guy

WTF MAN HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?? <5:51 PM>

<5:52 PM> I’m ignoring that as well.

Dick Guy

LOLOLOL <5:52 PM>

Panda

It would be a little difficult with a knife. I’ll bring my scissors! <5:53 PM>

Room 324? <5:53 PM>

<5:54 PM> Yes.

Rosier 1

we’ll see you in five <5:55 PM>

*****

Five minutes later, Barty was digging through all of Regulus’s hoodies, Evan was vetoing the options, and Pandora was sitting happily on his bed, kicking her feet and waiting with her scissors.

Regulus sighed, “I can’t believe I’m allowing this.”

“Trust me, I’m an expert in being unbelievably hot and sexy. You’re going to look so good, dude,” Bart replied, holding up a dark green sweatshirt.

Evan tilted his head, humming before giving the thumbs-down.

Regulus scrubbed his hands over his face in exasperation, “This is exactly why I’m worried.”

“Don’t worry, Evan’s a photography major, and I’m in fashion designing. We won’t let Barty make you look stupid,” Pandora smiled.

Evan then pulled a plain black, fitted , mock-turtleneck from the pile, a little smirk creeping onto his face.

“This one seems more…you,” he held it up to Regulus, as if taking a mental snapshot.

Regulus was in fact more fond of that shirt, but hardly wore it due to the light-weight material. It was too warm to wear in the spring or summer, but too thin to wear in the fall or winter without additional layering. It was more of an undershirt than anything.

Still, he gave his nod of approval, to which Barty cheered, throwing his hands over his head.

Evan, still holding the stretchy material up to his frame, beckoned Pandora over to make the modifications.

“Mmm, a little higher,” he directed.

Pandora moved the scissors.

“There, perfect,” Evan confirmed as she made the first cut.

Pandora snipped a few more times, making an impressively straight line with steady hands.

Once they finished, they all turned their backs politely so that Regulus could try it on.

He felt a little bit exposed, not used to his stomach showing, but otherwise the outfit was very comfortable.

He didn’t really even need to change his pants either, the baggy, light wash jeans he was wearing went surprisingly well.

Clearing his throat awkwardly, he said, “Ok. You can look.”

“Damn, Regulus. Smash,” Barty wolf-whistled.

“Huh?” Regulus tilted his head to the side in confusion.

“Nothing,” Pandora stopped Barty from clarifying, “You look very handsome.”

Evan looked him up and down, arms crossed, and gave a smile and a nod.

“Ooo, I have an idea!” Pandora bounced on her toes.

She delicately took one of Regulus’s hands into her own and transferred a few of her excessive, chunky silver rings onto his fingers.

Regulus flexed the joints in his hands a couple of times, testing the new weight and admiring the accessories. His favorite was the one on his middle finger, a shiny tan crystal with an octagon-cut, lying within the snake motifs of the metal.

“Thank you, Pandora. They’re beautiful.”

“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I agree with Barty. Damn, Regulus,” Evan laughed with a crooked grin.

At that moment, James and Sirius entered the room, blinking a little at the unexpected group of people.

“Friends from pottery,” Regulus explained shortly.

James’s eyes settled on him- and stayed there, widening. A flush crept up his neck and into his face as he swallowed harshly.

Regulus felt a little too exposed now under Jame’s gaze, and crossed his arms over his belly self-consciously.

“Cool,” Sirius replied, oblivious to their silent exchange, “nice outfit.”

“Thanks.”

“Hello, Sirius!” Pandora waved, “are you coming to the meeting tomorrow?”

“Oh, hi, Pandora,” his brother smiled, then sheepishly cringed a little, “no, wasn’t for me.”

She nodded in understanding.

Barty looked between James (who was still staring dumbly) and Regulus.

His eyebrows shot up, and a knowing, evil smirk grew over his face.

Regulus glared daggers at him- how was he reading the tension that even Regulus himself couldn't?

Not a word, Bartemius, he mouthed.

Barty ignored him.

“Well, we were just heading out. You guys have fun tonight,” he Barty winked at Regulus bravely.

“Oh, yes! And stay safe!” Pandora wished sincerely.

“Thank you for your help,” Regulus addressed them all, still sending warning looks in Barty’s direction.

“No problem, see you in class tomorrow,” Evan said as the three of them retreated from the room, closing the door behind them.

“They seem nice, I know Pandora is, at least,” Sirius smiled proudly at him, “I’m glad you’re finding some friends in your classes.”

“Me too,” Regulus agreed, letting his lips upturn a bit.

James finally shook out of his daze, clearing his throat, “Hm- I uh- like your outfit, Reg. Wearing that tonight?”

Regulus tightened his arms more around his waist, red tinting his cheeks at the compliment.

He ignored that that wasn’t the case when everyone else said the same things.

“Yeah, Barty and the twins helped pick it out, well, mostly Evan. They’re more into that…scene that I am.”

James bobbed his head, maybe a bit too much, “Ah yeah, makes sense. I like it.”

Sirius frowned, furrowing his eyebrows. His eye ricocheted between them, analyzing.

Whatever he was concerned about, he dismissed with a shake of his head.

“Alright, I’m going to go grab a snack, then start my hair and makeup. You two want anything?”

“No, thank you,” Regulus answered, sitting down on his bed.

“I’m good too, thanks. I’ve got some snacks in here.”

“Alright…” Sirius gave them another suspicious look before heading out, “See you at eight twenty, then.”

*******

Remus POV

It was getting close to the time they had set to leave, now seven-thirty, and Remus was still pondering what to wear.

Typically when he went out for a drink and a smoke, he didn’t really put too much thought into his outfits. He usually went alone, not really looking for attention.

Looking how he did though, he tended to get it anyway, occasionally hooking up with one of the random guys flirting with him in the bathroom if he had too much to drink; or, just if he felt like it.

Remus didn’t really understand why people tended to be drawn to him, his height, maybe? Lots of people were into tall guys.

But tonight, there was only one person he wanted to impress, and he just so happened to be hunched over a makeup mirror on the opposite side of the room.

Remus had come to terms with the fact that he felt something for Sirius.

First of all, Sirius was pretty. He’d never met another man theirage that he would describe as pretty. Not even Regulus, who was practically identical- he was more elegant.

And not only was Sirius pretty, but he was a f*cking mess.

He was a walking contradiction: a sweet, awkward, funny, confident, calculated, dramatic, loud, gentle, nervous, mess.

And oh, how Remus loved a good mess.

Which led him there, then, trying to choose the right outfit to make Sirius swoon.

With a sigh, he settled on his favorite skirt. It was long, straight, and black with a slit down one side of the soft, flowy fabric. Remus had grown to rather like skirts over the years, they were loads easier to put on with his leg than most pants.

He also pulled out a large, beige knit cardigan and an oversized green t-shirt to layer under, one of those cheesy prints of the wolves howling at the moon on it.

It wasn’t his best work, but Remus never claimed to be a stylist.

“Hey, I’m just going to change in here, don’t look, yeah?” he asked Sirius, blush dusting his cheeks as the thought crossed through his mind of what could happen if Sirius did look.

He internally scolded himself, Don’t be a creep, jeez.

“Alright,” Sirius said, absent-mindedly, and turned toward the wall.

“You changing too? Or wearing that?” Remus casually tried to start a conversation, pants discarded and now pulling the skirt over his legs.

“Oh, I’m definitely changing. Reggie’s got a cool outfit on and I can’t let him look cooler than me. Older sibling rules.”

Remus huffed a laugh, “Don’t tell Reg, cause he’s my friend, but between you and me you always look cooler… seriously though, don’t tell him I said that,” The last part was muffled through his t-shirt being pulled over his head.

Sirius cackled, “Thanks, Remus.”

“Ok, you think this outfit is too lame? Does it fit this place’s atmosphere?” he questioned, buttoning up just the two bottom buttons.

Sirius turned back to him, jaw falling open and making a small gasp.

He then proceeded to choke, having a coughing fit, and stuck a thumbs-up and Remus in response.

Once he regained his composure, he suggested, “Maybe not the cardigan, though I do love it. Love the skirt too, it’s um- cough- it’s nice.”

Remus smirked at him, feeling a little more confident at that reaction.

He quirked up one eyebrow, making eye contact as he undid the buttons, “Yeah? Thanks, love.”

Sirius choked again.

They resumed getting ready again, Remus opting to wear a thin, black, long-sleeved shirt underneath the tee for warmth, then adding his brown, vintage leather jacket over it.

There was an obvious shift in the air between them, something a little more tense, but not necessarily bad.

Remus wasn’t complaining.

Especially when Sirius, too, got dressed for the evening in an outfit that punched the air out of his lungs.

He wore an ungodly tight pair of flared jeans and a black, silk blouse that was almost completely unbuttoned and had the sleeves rolled up, revealing the abstract tattoo on his chest. Sirius had on a few necklaces as well, dangling up against it. Last, his hair was tied up in a spiky half-bun, the rest cascading prettily around his face, and his eyeliner was a bit more harsh than normal, angular with little points on the inner corners of his eyes.

Remus let his eyes scan over the other man slowly. Up, down, and up again.

“You look good,” he smiled, “definitely cooler than Reg.”

“Yeah?” Sirius beamed.

“Yeah,” Remus confirmed.

“I have this sort of trench-coat thing I was thinking of putting over it- kind of a nod to the new-wave, post-punk vibe this place has.”

Sirius swung the coat so that it hung over his shoulders.

If Remus had been standing, well, he wouldn’t be anymore.

“Yeah, that goes nicely,” he replied dazedly.

Sirius beamed again.

Chapter 8: Honey, Honey, How You Thrill Me!

Chapter Text

Sirius POV

The drive over to the Hog’s Head was… interesting.

He, and Remus met James, Peter, and Regulus down at their car in the visitor’s lot at exactly eight-twenty, as promised.

The whole group was dressed up to go out in varying styles, honestly it was a bit funny. You really couldn’t tell what event they were going to just by looking at them.

James was sporting a casual, red button-down and black jeans, along with a gold chain around his neck.

Regulus was wearing the same outfit as earlier, now with Sirius’s leather jacket thrown over top- the one that had mysteriously gone missing a week ago (the little sh*t was living up to his contact name).

And lastly, Peter wore a light-beige knit sweater with a leafy-patterned, short-sleeved collared shirt over it and ripped jeans.

“Alright, everyone. In the car,” Regulus commanded, opening the driver’s side door.

“Shot-gun!” James and Sirius called at the same time, then frowned at each other.

“Oh for the love of God,” Remus sighed beside him, “Eenie-miney-miney-moe-,” he lazily bounced a finger between the best-friends, “there, James gets it”

“Yes!” Jame’s threw up his hands, opening the passenger door and climbing in.

“Aww, what the heck,” Sirius complained, but resigned.

“Sirius, sit in the middle. You’re the shortest,” Regulus directed him, looking back at him smugly through the rear-view mirror.

“Seriously, guys, what the heck!” he pouted, scooting in next to Peter in the middle.

Remus sandwiched him in on the other side, laughing at his expense.

“f*cking bean-stalk, giant-legged-” Sirius muttered grumpily under his breath as Regulus reversed out of the spot.

Remus just smiled at him fondly, which definitely didn’t make his heart-rate spike.

Now, Regulus wasn’t a bad driver, per-say, he just… picked and chose which rule of the road he was going to ignore sometimes.

“So when this next light turns green, we’ll turn right,” James informed, taking the role of navigating for Regulus, who nodded in reply.

Instead of fully stopping, like a normal person would at a red light, Regulus simply slowed down enough to check that his path was clear- quickly swinging his head in both directions- and took the turn.

“The sign said ‘No right on red’!” Sirius and Remus shouted in unison, exasperated.

They then shared an intimate-feeling look with down-turned smiles, taking notice of another funny little thing they had in common.

It turned out Sirius wasn’t the only back-seat driver.

“So? It was safe to go. Besides, we’re all literally going to illegally order drinks at a bar right now. How we get there is the least of your concerns,” Regulus dismissed, speed steadily creeping past ten-over.

Peter held on a little tighter to his seat belt, now looking a bit sick at Regulus’s approach to driving.

“You do have your license though, right?” he asked nervously.

Regulus just kept on driving silently.

There was a beat.

“Regulus! Why did you offer to drive us if you don’t have a license!?” James laughed incredulously beside him, “I could have driven!”

Regulus shrugged, “I drive Sirius and myself places all the time. I have to get to work somehow.”

Peter tilted his head up to face the roof of the car, eye’s closed and hands together, as if praying to not end up in a ditch on the side of the road.

“I was studying for my driver’s test before the er- incident happened,” he motioned to his left eye, “so I kind of just taught Regulus to drive myself, tell him what he’s doing wrong as we go,” He explained.

“That is. By far. The worst idea I’ve ever heard,” Remus clasped his hands over his nose and mouth, then dissolved into a hysterical sort of laughter.

“Well one of us had to drive- hey, Reg, look in your side mirrors when you switch lanes, you almost hit them- and it definitely wasn’t going to be me.”

“Sirius, my love, the light of my life. I love your idiotic ass so much,” James smiled back at him.

*******

When they arrived, safe and sound, the group piled out of the car (Peter took a moment to thank the lord) and made their way inside.

The loud music blared above the sounds of lively chatter over drinks, and people belting the lyrics to Modern Love by David Bowie on the dance floor. Bright, colorful lights lit the otherwise dark bar.

The walls were lined ceiling-to-floor with stickers and graffiti that had accumulated over the years, a big, decapitated hog’s head being the most prominent.

A familiar head of red hair made its way over to them, Sirius grinned.

“Lily!” he wrapped his friend into a hug, “Didn’t know you were going to be here!”

Lily and Sirius had become friends last year by watching James and Peter play soccer from the bleachers.

James and Lily had dated very briefly at the beginning of the year, before Lily realized she was a lesbian, but they all remained strong friends.

“Sirius! James! Pete! Uh- you two!” she slurred excitedly, very obviously drunk already, “Hi!”

“Hey, Lils, you here with Mary?” James asked, checking that his friend would make it home safely.

Mary was Lily’s girlfriend, and was typically the more responsible of the two when it came to alcohol.

Mary had said once before that Lily liked to get white-girl-wasted, after being brought up in a strictly religious home that she never agreed with. Lily herself proved this time and time again.

“Yeahh, she’s uh,” Lily motioned in a general direction with her hand, “pfff over there or something. James, wanna dance?!”

James laughed, “Sure, Lils,” and let himself be led away.

Sirius turned to see a look of distaste on his brother's face, which made sense- Regulus wasn’t too fond of loud places of flashy lights.

“Hey, Reg, too much?” he asked.

“Hm? What? No, I’m good,” he replied.

Maybe it was just his resting-bitch face, then.

Sirius watched Lily and James retreat out onto the floor. Lily was attempting to dance with him, but it turned more into James holding her up than anything.

Sirius was eager to join them, and asked if anyone else was coming.

Remus and Regulus gave him matching dead-panned looks, and Peter politely declined, the three instead heading over to the bar to order drinks.

Sirius came dancing up to Lily’s other side, also in effort to keep her on her feet.

“This is so fun, guys!” she shouted over the music.

*******

Remus POV

“This sucks,” Regulus muttered in the stool beside him, “I don’t know why I agreed to this.”

“Sounds like you could use a drink,” Remus nudged, to which Regulus made a face.

“May I remind you that I have to drive us back to campus after this?”

“We’ll just make James drive this time,” he shrugged, looking out at the trio laughing on the dance floor “he looks like he’s having fun regardless.”

Regulus let out a long sigh, weighing his options, “Fine. But I’ve never had alcohol in my life so I’m trusting you to order.”

Remus smiled wickedly, “Course.”

While they waited for the bartender (bartenders? Remus couldn’t tell if it was just one guy be-bopping around behind the counter or a set of identical twins) to make the drinks he’d ordered, Remus kept his eyes on Sirius, who was not a shy dancer.

Sirius swayed his hips like he did everything else- with confidence. He had a huge smile plastered on his face as he made big, bold movements with his body, head going side-to-side and arms flying through the air.

Remus caught his bottom lip in his teeth, admiring him.

Sirius had also at some point removed his coat, holding it over one elbow, allowing his loose-fitting shirt to reveal more skin as he jumped around.

“Not to be gross, but your brother is f*cking hot, dude,” he commentated to Regulus.

The other man whipped his head towards Remus in surprise.

“What?” he hissed.

“I didn’t know a man could even move like that,” he gushed.

Dragging his hands down his face, Regulus groaned, “You are disgusting. I mean, not the fact that you’re- well-” Regulus cleared his throat awkwardly, in place of saying gay.

“I’m supportive of that. But my brother? Really, Remus? The one who you said looked just like me?”

“Oh, don’t flatter yourself,” Remus rolled his eyes fondly, “he’s way hotter.”

Regus screwed his eyes shut and clapped his hands over his ears, “Gross, gross, gross, shut up.”

Peter chuckled a bit at the exchange.

“I’m not sure Sirius is even… well, I don’t think he’s gay?” Regulus scrunched up his nose, “Not that he’s told me at least.”

Peter properly burst out laughing at that, “Oh, he’s bent, alright. As a f*cking wet spaghetti noodle. Just look at him. He probably just assumed you already knew.”

“Oh…” Regulus frowned, considering the fact, “well that would explain the love letters I found in his room a few years ago to someone named Daniel. I always just thought he forgot how to spell Danielle.”

Remus snorted.

At that moment (one of?) the bartenders brought over their drinks. Remus handed over the mojito he’d gotten Regulus to him.

He knew Regulus always had a pack of mint gum in his pockets, so he thought he’d like it.

Regulus proceeded to take a large sip, wincing only for a moment before giving a content nod.

“As long as I don’t see or hear anything that I shouldn’t… go crazy, keeps him from bugging me all the time,” Regulus inclined his head to his brother, the three now making their way back over to them since the song had ended.

“But if you so much as make him sad one time, Remus,” Regulus’s look turned sincere and deadly, “I know how to make things look like an accident,” he warned.

“Noted,” Remus nodded, shaking on it.

*******

James POV

Breathing a little heavy from the last song, he, Sirius, and Lily all met their friends at the counter, now all nursing beverages.

“James, you’re driving home,” Remus told him with a sheepish smile, “‘got Regulus a drink.”

“You intoxicated my baby brother?!” Sirius gasped.

“Relax, I’ve had one sip,” Regulus rolled his eyes.

Remus smirked at Sirius- was there something going on there?- and asked rather smoothly, James noted, “Can I get you a drink too?”

Yeah, there was definitely something going on there.

Sirius sputtered, a mix of disbelieving and flustered.

“Sirius,” Lily leaned onto Regulus, though Sirius was only standing a few feet away.

“When did you have time to cut your hair?!”

Regulus blinked at her, then looked to James for help.

James laughed, then softly explained, “No, Lils, that's Regulus. Sirius’s younger brother.”

Lily did a double take.

“Oooh!” she drew out.

Honey, Honey! by ABBA, James’s favorite song for dancing, started to play in the background.

Lily clapped her hands, “Ooo, James! We have to go dance! Come dance with us, too, Reg-Regula-” she struggled over Regulus’s name, then gave up trying to pronounce it, instead pulling the man too his feet.

“I can’t dance, sorry,” Regulus gently pulled himself away, trying to sit back down.

James knew that was a lie, thinking of just a week ago when he’d seen Reg disprove that statement in their room.

“Yes you so can! I saw-” James drew out the “aw” sound, realizing his mistake.

Regulus’s eyes widened, “You what?” He sounded mortified.

Unable to take it back, James finished his initial statement, carefully saying each word.

“I… saw you in our room, dancing. I forgot my bag in the room, and you were having such a fun time so I just left!” he stumbled out.

Regulus looked like he was trying to explode James with his mind.

“You’re a really good dancer, by the way!” he tried adding in hopes of subduing his anger.

The glare intensified.

Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath in, then out, Regulus- as always- surprised James with his next words.

“Fine. Lead the way, Lily.”

*******

Remus POV

With Regulus, Lily, and James back out dancing (or just nodding his head to the music, in Regulus’s case) and Pete taking a smoke outside, it just left Sirius and Remus by the bar.

“Wanna dance?” Sirius asked, still a little out of breath.

Remus raised an eyebrow at him, waving at his leg, “Really?”

Sirius’s mouth formed an “o”.

“sh*t, sorry… maybe we can just sort of… sway? Or just use our arms?” Sirius suggested.

Remus gave a snort, “Ok, ok,” he obliged, “let me take a shot first- I’m too sober for this sh*t.”

Then, shot taken, Remus let himself be happily dragged away from his stool.

Sirius absent-mindedly grabbed both of his hands, boogieing them back and forth with his own as he sang out the lyrics.

Remus laughed and lifted an arm to twirl Sirius around.

The other man giggled at getting un-gracefully spun, and his smile softened when his eyes landed back on Remus.

Maybe it was the shot he’d just taken giving Remus the unearned confidence to do so, maybe it was the practically tangible sexual tension that was building between the two. Or maybe, it was even the more innocent way he felt so effortlessly comfortable and happy in that moment with Sirius, but Remus found himself saying,

“You know, you really do look amazing tonight.”

Sirius’s face instantly lit up red.

“Yeah?” he asked, a bit breathily.

“Yeah,” Remus let his eyes wander to the tattoo on Sirius’s chest, a sense of deja vu hitting him from their earlier conversation.

Remus softly brushed the back of his hand over the ink.

“What’s this?”

Sirius swallowed harshly at the contact, “Oh, that? Just thought it looked cool I guess, doesn’t really mean much…Remus?”

Remus flicked his eyes back up to meet Sirius’s grey ones.

“Hm?” he hummed.

“Are you flirting with me? You are flirting with me, right? That’s what this is? I mean I’m not mad about it, god no- I mean look at you, but are you fli-”

Remus cut him off by surging forward, hand delicately tilting Sirius’s chin up and locking Sirius’s lips in his own.

Sirius made a startled noise from the suddenness of it all, but quickly adjusted to kiss Remus back with a satisfied sound that drove Remus crazy.

The soft, steady rhythm of the kiss quickly escalated to something a lot deeper and much more enthusiastic.

Remus reluctantly broke first, both of them catching their breath.

“Yes,” he exhaled, “I think it’s safe to say I was flirting with you,”

Sirius had stars in his eyes, as bright as his name sake, and a giddy grin took over his face. His lips were cherry-red, and a little dampened with saliva.

It was a sight to behold.

Sirius giggled, a lovely, bubbly, twinkling sound, “Good,” and pulled Remus back in with the same ferocity as before.

And while Remus was thoroughly enjoying it, he was also aware that they were currently making out in the middle of the dance floor, where Regulus could easily see them.

He pulled away once more, making Sirius pout adorably.

Remus ran his thumb over it, just because he could.

“Hey, I’m enjoying this just as much as you are, love, but we might want to take it somewhere a little more…private.”

Sirius’s flush deepened, looking like a scandalized middle school girl who’d just heard the word penis in health class.

“Don’t worry,” Remus breathed a laugh, “we don’t have to take it any further if you don’t want to, let’s just spare your brother’s eyes, yeah?” Remus reassured, an amused smile tugging on his also reddened lips.

Sirius sucked in a breath, then choked on air.

“Hem- I mean, we should! Hem- I mean, maybe not tonight, but- hem-maybe-hem- in the future if you want?” Sirius cut himself off to cough a few more times.

Remus gazed at him, more utterly besotted with this beautiful disaster than he thought.

“Yeah, I’d like that,” he gave a tender smile, leading Sirius out to the less crowded back terrace to continue.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Chapter 9: It's Friday, I'm in Love!

Chapter Text

Regulus POV

So maybe, after dancing with James, Regulus had a few more drinks to calm his rising nerves.

“Could I get another… uh, whatever this was?” he came up to the bar, scolding himself for not asking Remus the name of the drink.

The bartender, who had his red hair styled into a crown of hair-gelled spikes all over his head, took the glass from Regulus and held it up to his nose, giving it a whiff.

“Hmmm, I’m gonna guess this was a mojito. If it wasn’t and you hate it… eh, not my fault,” he shrugged.

Luckily, it was the same drink, which Regulus had enjoyed very much. Trust Remus to be observant enough to know your flavor preferences.

“Woah, might wanna slow down there, Reg,” James chuckled as he gulped down the liquid instead of sipping it.

It wasn’t like it was going to affect him that much. Regulus told him so.

James sighed, teasing, “Alright, as long as I’m not carrying you out of here by the end of the night.”

Regulus rolled his eyes in response, he would be fine.

He felt better than normal even, he was having a great time now, after downing yet a third drink. Everything felt a little bit smudged, and his thoughts were slowed down just enough to properly enjoy the night. The volume of the music that had bothered him so much when the group first arrived, now just pleasantly blended into the background with everything else.

Everything else, except James.

James could never blend into the background, Regulus thought, he’s too bright.

They were alone now on the dance floor, Regulus honestly didn’t know (or care) where Sirius and Remus ended up, and Mary had come over a couple of songs ago to bring Lily home.

Regulus complained at the loss of his dance partner when she did- he was just getting to like Lily!

But he didn’t mind terribly, because he still had his James.

Bright, beautiful James who looked so lovely under the colorful lights, brown eyes twinkling with rainbow catch-lights. James, who was laughing more than usual, making Regulus’s heart soar, and dancing with a fluidity that only came from practice and confidence.

For just one night, Regulus was just going to let his heart feel what it wanted to (he was too tipsy to stop it, anyways).

He would let himself stare, let his mind wander, let himself appreciate this boy that he was surely falling in love with.

“See, you can dance,” James shouted over the music and conversation, though it really just sounded at normal level.

“Obviously I can dance,” Regulus shouted back at him with an exaggerated roll of his eyes- just to make sure James could hear it… wait no, see it was the right word- contradicting his earlier claim.

“Sirius ‘n I were forced inna ballet when we were little.”

James let out another heart-stopping laugh, “Oh, I just got the mental image of Sirius trying to pirouette, f*cking hilarious.”

“He was sooo bad, our mother really didn’t like that,” Regulus chuckled, then frowned at the memory.

“She was really mean to him for it act’shly.”

“Aw, Reg,” James gave a sympathetic look, and put a hand on his shoulder. The touch sent a warming fire, straight to his chest.

“It's ok, that’s all over now. See? We’re all having fun, yeah?,” he smiled.

“Yeah! f*ck you, Mom, I’m having fun!” Regulus shouted towards the ceiling, dissolving into laughter once again and resuming his dancing.

James shook his head fondly at him.

*******

James POV

James was absolutely carrying Regulus out of the bar at the end of the night, but he didn’t even mind.

Regulus seemed to be thoroughly enjoying himself, taking a break from that startlingly unmoveable mask he always threw up- it was honestly a bit sad that he didn’t feel able to be himself more often, but James was happy he was getting to do so now.

Even if it was heavily alcohol induced.

James was also happy to get a chance to admire Regulus like that, without the fear of spooking him off.

The way just a smile could make a person so magnetic must have been illegal. The smile, mixed with that f*cking cropped turtleneck and Regulus swaying his hips?

James could’ve been the one committing the crimes at that point, just to see him.

It was now nearing midnight, so James unfortunately, probably had to go and gather all of his idiots in a few minutes- but for now it was his favorite part of any Friday night at the Hog’s Head.

“Ohhh! I love this song!” Regulus laughed, jumping up and down to the tell-tale, energetic guitar riff that opened Friday, I’m in Love by the Cure- per Friday midnight tradition.

“Wooo!” James tilted his head back, shaking it back and forth to cheering loudly with him.

He and Regulus both screamed out the lyrics as they started coming through the speakers, Regulus slurring through them a little bit, but doing so with zero hesitation.

I don't care if Monday's blue,

Tuesday's grey and Wednesday too,

Thursday, I don't care ‘bout you,

It's Friday I'm in love!

James looked adoringly at Regulus as he sang, directing his words toward his oblivious roommate who was currently occupied with thrashing his head and arms around.

Regulus giggled to himself a little bit, muttering something almost too soft for James to catch, but he did catch it.

“It’s just like the song.”

“What is?” he asked with a curious grin.

“It’s Friday?” Regulus replied in his ‘that was obvious, idiot’ tone that James loved so much. Of course, even like this, Regulus was going to be his usual self and insult James.

But then, once again, Regulus Black surprised him. James was really going to have to start keeping count, with how often that happened.

“And I’m in love?!” Regulus added, as if it were also obvious, and James just needed to catch up. He laughed giddily.

“Yeah! I’m in love!” he whooped.

James’s heartbeat stopped, then tripled.

I don't care if Monday's black,

Tuesday, Wednesday heart attack

“I just wish he wasnna boy tho,” Regulus pouted, still bopping his head and arms along to the music- which would’ve been funny if Regulus had not also just dropped that bomb on him.

James instantly deflated, Regulus said he, not you. Not James.

He supposed he probably should have expected that, it’s not like Regulus even seemed to like James much, anyways.

Well, he seemed to like James when he was drunk, but James didn’t know what to do with that information- James liked everyone when he was drunk.

“Who’s that?” he plastered back on his smile to ask. At least if it were someone really cool, James wouldn’t beat himself up over it too much because, well, he’d get it.

Regulus seemed to process who was standing right infront of him, then once more started cracking up at nothing.

He’s going to be so grumpy tomorrow morning, James thought fondly despite the ache in his chest.

But, as was his nature, Regulus Black served to surprise him once again.

“That’s so funny! ‘S you and you di’in even know it!” he said between laughs.

James stopped. Blinked.

Boom, another bomb dropped like it was nothing.

James wasn’t sure Regulus even knew he said that out loud, and not just in his head.

“You’re drunk,” James reasoned, because yes, that would be amazing if it were true-

But. It. Wasn’t.

“Pff, am not,” Regulus crossed his arms, swaying a little on his feet, “Yurjust… you’re just sober,” he stuck his tongue out.

“God, I wish I weren't right now,” James murmured under his breath.

Unaware of this, Regulus grabbed James’s hands- because of course he did- and started moving side-to-side again, trying to get James to join him.

Helpless to do anything except what Regulus wanted him to do, Jame’s let the other man move him, falling into step.

Dressed up to the eyes,

It's a wonderful surprise,

To see your shoes and your spirits rise,

Throwing out your frown,

And just smiling at the sound

James still couldn’t take his eyes off of Regulus, especially with this new information bouncing off of every surface in his brain like light through a kaleidoscope.

Was it just a drunken mistake? James really, really hoped not.

Would Regulus even remember telling him this in the morning? For Regulus’s sake, he also really, really hoped not.

Oh, I am so screwed, James internally groaned. How did he even get himself into these messes?

So, call him stupid, but James then decided that if this were already going to be a mess, why not go a little crazier before trying to clean it up? His conflictedness could wait until the morning.That was a Future-James problem, right?

For now, James had the boy he was hurtling towards falling in love with face first, no safety harness on, holding his hands in his own, dancing with him, and apparently confessing his love for him. James was going to enjoy it while it lasted.

Even if it turned out all to be a big misunderstanding when they woke up, James would still have this.

*******

Peter POV

Peter finished his smoke and headed back inside content and relaxed.

His first instinct was to go and find James- Peter didn’t exactly like going to places like these, but to dance with James, even as a friend, made it all worth the while. He was always the life of the party, drunk or not, and always managed to lift Pete’s spirits until he was laughing and dancing just as hard.

Peter scanned the bar stools (nope), then the dance floor where he found a familiar red shirt shimmying around next to-

Oh. Him.

Regulus was obviously pretty drunk at that point, Peter didn’t think he ever even saw the boy smile until then, much less whirl and twirl to whatever song was playing.

He was getting clingy, too, it looked like. Which really rubbed Peter the wrong way. There was only about a foot between him and James, who was occasionally reaching out a hand to stabilize Regulus by the shoulders. Everytime James did so, Regulus looked at him as though he’d hung the sun.

All sense of contentment from his smoke was gone, replaced with seething, jealous anger.

The song changed, Regulus seemed to shout something, jumping up and down, while James tilted his head back to holler with joy.

It was adorable- well, James was at least.

The two seemed to be disgustingly singing the words to each other, which also made Pete give a bitter huff. James had a tender look in his eyes that Peter could only dream of being directed towards himself, almost worshiping towards Regulus.

“It’s Friday, I’m in love!” both men shouted at each other along with the speakers, carefree and laughing.

Oh yeah, Peter wanted to punch something. Or somebody- he could definitely think of one person in specific.

But then, Regulus seemed to say something that made James’s smile falter and his body come to a stop.

What are they talking about? Peter knit his eyebrows together, trying to read their lips and failing.

Regulus crossed his arms and pouted like a child, nearly tripping over his own feet.

James looked to the sky like he was asking God to strike him dead, should Pete have considered that progress?

He was going to, until of course Regulus grabbed James hands to start dancing with him again.

Regulus really has a death wish, huh?

Peter was ready to throw away his last shred of dignity by storming up to them and physically ripping them apart, but refrained upon seeing a look of absolute devotion soften across James’s face.

Peter may have had a growing hatred for Regulus, but he loved James.

Wiping a look like that off his face would feel wrong, no matter how much he despised that it wasn’t his.

With a harsh scrub up and down his face, Peter stepped back outside and lit up another blunt.

It was probably for the best that he hadn’t acted so brashly, it would have definitely ruined James’s opinion of him. Peter didn’t know if he could handle that.

He congratulated himself for his self restraint, puffing out a cloud of smoke.

Now at least, Peter had time to come up with a better way to rip Regulus and James apart, without turning the object of his affections away from him.

It was a mental game of chess.

Regulus was still safe for tonight, but little did he know that he’d just found himself in check.

He would only have two choices- tip his King, or have it stolen.

*******

James POV

After the song ended, James used the fact that his hands were still intertwined with Regulus’s to guide him off the floor to go and find the others. He switched to hold them behind his back, effectively dragging Regulus.

James and Peter still had to get up early for practice in the morning and Sirius had a field-trip coming up to Hogwarts from the town’s elementary school to guide, being in early education.

James wanted to make sure he and all of his friends were well rested and prepared for the next day- they may complain of going home now, but they’d thank him later.

Regulus stumbled behind James, swinging his hands behind him so that they swayed.

“Where we going?” Regulus asked, “Mmm, doesn’ matter, I’d follow you anywhere, I think. ‘M caught ‘n yur orbit,” he added thoughtfully, making a circle with both James’s arms on the word orbit.

James tried with all of his might to ignore the wasp’s nest in his gut.

Damn him for falling in love with a poet. Drunk Regulus was going to make his heart melt.

“We’re going to find your brother, Remus, and Peter. ‘Gotta head home, it’s late.”

Regulus blew a raspberry at him, “No fun. Let’s dance more, Jamie,” he insisted, whining and giving his arms a little tug.

James internally screamed, summoning all of his remaining strength- he really thought he should’ve gotten an award for resisting that offer. Especially when Regulus was calling him Jamie.

James usually hated that nickname, but it sounded so right rolling off of Regulus’s tongue.

“Maybe we’ll come back next week, yeah?” he tried, chest thumping obnoxiously.

Regulus grumbled, but didn’t protest any more.

Though he did trip, bumping into someone in the crowded bar and landing with his head between James’s shoulders.

“Oof,” he punched out, then started giggling to himself again.

James sighed heavily, Am I really going to do this to myself?

He didn’t really have another choice, did he?

“Alright, come on,” James turned to face Regulus, “come here,” he coaxed, holding out his arms.

Regulus stepped into them, happily nuzzling his head in the crook between James’s neck and shoulder with a hum. He reminded James of a cat.

James shifted to lift Reg under the armpits and hoist him up over one shoulder- it was alarmingly easy, why was he so light?

Regulus writhed a little in his hold, kicking his feet in protest. He was definitely not expecting his new pillow to be carrying him.

“’Snot fair for you to be all strong and athletic,”' he complained, punching lightly on Jame’s back, “D’you spend every day ‘n the gym ‘r somthing? Get a life, man,” he stopped wiggling around and fell limp.

James threw back his head to laugh at the non-insult. Regulus was simply adorable, trying to make fun of James while being carried by him like a sack of flour. It was almost a shame that no one else was witnessing this right now- almost.

James was secretly a little happy to get this side of Reg all to himself.

James made his way to the front of the building first, having last seen Peter go out there.

A couple strangers gave him, or rather Regulus, amused looks as they passed.

Pete was thankfully right outside the doors where James guessed he would be.

He looked them up and down with one eyebrow raised, letting out a slow stream of smoke. “Overestimated his alcohol tolerance?”

James snorted, shaking his head in exasperation, “Yeah, yeah he did. Thought I’d come grab everyone since it’s getting late- any idea where Sirius and Remus went off to?”

“Wouldn’t be surprised if those two ended up screwing in a bathroom stall,” Pete muttered, dropping his joint to the asphalt and dousing it with his shoe, “Let’s go find those idiots.”

Sirius and Remus were in fact not screwing in the bathroom, but instead they were out on the back terrace, still doing things that probably should’ve been done in the bathroom (if any public space). The scent of weed now radiating off of Remus in addition to Peter.

James blinked in surprise when he found them, happy that Regulus’s head was blocked by his back.

“Well that escalated quickly.”

Sirius jumped in his place, pressed up against the outside wall with Remus unashamedly sucking at his neck.

Sirius’s face lit up red and he shoved a hand in Remus’s face, moving the latter off of him.

He cleared his throat, “Hem- uh… are we leaving?”

Sirius then tilted his head, now processing the situation better without Remus basically trying to eat him.

“Wait, why is Reggie over your shoulder?”

Regulus flapped his arms, “Jamieee, turn me around, I wanna make fun of Sirius.”

Sirius raised his eyebrows, Did he just call you *Jamie*? he questioned with his eyes.

Yeah, I’m as lost as you, James desperately looked back.

Remus roared with laughter, “Oh, sh*t. My bad,” though he didn’t look sorry at all.

“You got my baby brother drunk?!” Sirius scolded.

Remus held up his hands in defense, “I ordered him one drink. He just liked it enough to get a couple more, from the looks of it” he snigg*red.

“But yes, to answer your question, we are leaving. You’ve got fourth graders to deal with tomorrow, remember?” James cut back in.

Sirius slapped a hand over where a large red spot was beginning to bloom on his neck, “sh*t, thank you for reminding me. Is it bad?” he removed the hand to ask.

Remus dopily answered, “No, it’s perfect,” at the same time as James answered, “You have a good concealer, right?”

Sirius groaned, leaning forward to burry his head in Remus’s shirt, “f*ck me.”

Then realizing his mistake in wording, covered Remus’s mouth with a hand, “Nope, you don’t get to answer that.”

Peter exhaled loudly at their antics.

“Alright, dumbasses, let’s go then,” Peter waved for them all to follow as he started his way back through the bar. James followed with Regulus, and Sirius and Remus trailed behind them, arms around each others’ waists.

James really was happy for those two, and looking back on all of their times hanging out together, he probably should’ve expected it more than he did. It had only been a short time of knowing each other, but something about Sirius and Remus seemed to just fit.

James supposed he’d also only known Regulus for the same amount of time, anyways- so he had no room to judge.

He mostly just hoped that nothing came between the two though, since they shared a room and all.

“Siiiriuuus. Your neck looks weird,” he giggled, James felt one of his arms lift. He guessed Reg was trying to poke Sirius in the neck.

“Remus, what did you do,” Sirius whined, “you got Regulus giggling. I haven’t heard him giggle since I was six years old.”

“That’s actually so sad, I hope your parents rot,” Remus frowned.

Then the tone of the conversation took a one-eighty as he pondered, “Why is ‘giggle’ even a word? Can’t we just say ‘small laugh’?”

“That is so smart, yurright, Remus,” Regulus agreed, flopping back down onto James.

“Jesus, both of you are so out of it,” Sirius groaned into his palms.

“That’s not what you were saying a few minutes ago,” Remus winked, “well, maybe the ‘Jesus’ part…”

“James, I’m dying. This is hell. Help me.”

“No can do,” James smiled innocently at him, “one Black brother at a time,” he bounced the shoulder with Regulus on it a little, making him laugh hysterically.

*******

When they got out front to the car, James deposited Regulus into the passenger seat and buckled him in, then grabbed the keys from the pocket of his leather jacket.

“I thought I was driving,” Reg pushed out his bottom lip in discontent.

“Nope, not anymore,” James used the opportunity of Sirius being on the opposite side of the car to run a hand over Regulus’s hair, then down to tenderly cup his face, “you just get to just sit right where you are till we get home. Alright, love?” he whispered with love, everything about the interacting feeling exceedingly domestic.

Regulus gave him a smile that could light up the whole damn world.

“Mm, I like that. Say it again.”

Of course, James was powerless to do anything but oblige.

He smiled back, “Alright, love.”

“I love you,” Regulus suddenly gushed, whole galaxies in his eyes shining back at James.

James’s heart clenched, “You’re really drunk, Reg,” he winced.

Once they were all situated and buckled in (Remus was still mouthing Sirius’s neck in the back seat, which Sirius didn’t even attempt to protest, and Peter was quietly turned towards the window to avoid them) James started the drive home, which was a lot more peaceful than the ride there.

He paid special attention to avoid bumps and pot-holes, not wanting to jostle his intoxicated friends and cause them to be sick. About half-way through the drive, Regulus was lightly snoring and curled up under his jacket beside James, using it as a make-shift blanket.

They arrived back on campus at around one AM, and all said their goodnights in the parking lot before heading to their respective rooms- Sirius and Remus all but running back up to theirs.

James, of course, still had to carry Regulus.

He unbuckled the sleeping boy, who let out a soft, groggy sound, and this time knelt for him to climb onto his back- Jame’s poor shoulder was killing him after lugging Reg around the first time.

Regulus attached himself like a koala to his back, snuggling his face into James’s neck.

James honestly could have imploded right there at the sweetness of it all.

The elevator ride back up to their floor and the walk back to their room was quiet and comfortable. James could hear the tiny sniff, puff, puff, puff, of Regulus’s breathing that was tickling his neck.

James indulgently closed his eyes and imagined waking up every morning to that sound. The thought made him smile.

When they were at last back in the dorm, James carefully placed Reg down on his bed, taking off his shoes and tucking him into the blankets. He grabbed the little black cat stuffed animal and placed it next to his head.

James melted with the strong wave of affection he felt- how could one man be so perfect? He briefly sat beside Regulus on the bed and smoothed the hair off of his skin, admiring the unusually pure, relaxed expression he wore.

He was undeniably angelic- the tiniest flush in Reg’s pale face blossomed under the light paint-splatter of freckles that dusted his nose, and his long, dark eyelashes kissed the apples of his cheeks with reverence. His lips were slightly parted and chapped, but looked soft and sweet nonetheless.

James couldn’t help but plant a gentle kiss on the other boy’s temple before getting ready for bed himself.

Before resting off the long night he’d had, James made sure to set out a water-bottle, some aspirin, and a note for the morning on their desk for Regulus’s inevitable hangover.

He fell asleep thinking of those three bittersweet words, over and over.

“I love you.”

Chapter 10: Asprin

Chapter Text

Regulus POV

When Regulus woke up, his first thought was that he wanted to shoot whoever was playing guitar that loudly at…

sh*t. It was already eleven AM. Good thing it was a Saturday.

He sat up with a loud groan and immediately regretted it, the throbbing headache between his ears increasing by a tenfold.

I’m never drinking alcohol again, he vowed.

When it finally felt safe to open his eyes without his retinas searing permanently into his brain, Regulus was met with a glass of water and a cutely folded piece of paper on the desk. It was creased down the middle and turned on its side so that it faced his bed, and sure enough the nickname ‘REG’ was written across the middle with an irritating amount of smiley faces surrounding it.

Regulus slowly peeled his way out of his bed, which took longer than he’d like to admit, and stood to read the note.

He managed to restrain himself from gulping down the water, though his mouth was impossibly dry- instead, he took small, careful sips to avoid being sick. He then noticed the two aspirin tucked beside the glass, making his lips tilt up instinctually, and popped them in his mouth.

Regulus picked up the note with a sigh, this really wasn’t helping his feelings for James- not that he had any, of course, he corrected his inner monologue.

It ridiculously read:

Good morning, Reg! And (trumpet noises) welcome to your first hangover!

Regulus changed his mind, it was the guitarist’s lucky day. He was going to shoot James.

He pinched his brow, and continued reading.

I got you some water and two aspirin, hope it helps with the headache :). If I’m not there when you wake up, I’ve gone off to practice, then I’ll probably be ambushing Sirius (pray for me that I don’t interrupt him and Remus in anything I’ll have to bleach my eyes for).

Sirius and Remus? Regulus furrowed his brows, when had that-

No, wait, he did remember, now. They’d been holding each other when they left the Hogs Head.

Did that mean Sirius was actually… gay? Well that certainly changed some things.

As much as Regulus would have to be tortured to admit it, he admired Sirius a great deal. No matter how idiotic he acted most of the time, his big brother was extremely smart, especially when it came to his views on the world and his sense of right and wrong.

It was the reason Regulus had been so elated when Sirius told him he was doing his degree in Early Education. He had honestly shaped all of the best parts of Regulus into what they are today, and the thought of him helping to shape new generations of young minds in the same way put a smile on his face.

So maybe, just maybe, if Sirius was ok with not being straight…

But ANYWAYS, hope the hangover isn’t too bad, and that Mr. Paws did a good job watching over you.

There was a poor drawing of the black cat stuffed animal, who Regulus assumed was “Mr. Paws”. He rolled his eyes.

Have an amazing day today!

-James :)

Regulus sat back down on the bed and finished his water, trying to remember something from the night before. It was all a big blur, which did not comfort him in the slightest, but after reading James’s note, one irritatingly out of context piece of dialogue swam through his mind.

In a tight voice, he recalled James saying, “You’re really drunk, Reg.”

What did he do or say to prompt James to say that? If he was ‘really drunk’ wouldn’t that be really obvious? No need to be redundant.

And then there was the way he said it- painfully. Like he’d been stabbed through the chest, and those were his last words, “You’re really drunk, Reg.”

Regulus nearly dropped the glass of water all over himself.

f*ck.

“I love you,” he heard himself say in his memory.

He took a shaky inhale in, then rushed it out.

“I love you”

“You’re really drunk, Reg.”

His breathing picked up, f*ck, f*ck, f*ck.

How could he have let himself get so out of control?

Self control was Regulus’s thing. It was the foundation of his very being, his entire personality was created around controlling what he displayed to others and when.

“I love you”

“You’re really drunk, Reg.”

How could one man- one man- make him feel like he could break down all of his walls in one night. The walls that he had been building for years, especially this past one, for situations just like that.

f*ck, f*ck, f*ck.

No wonder James had said it with so much strain- so much disgust, Regulus realized, so much discomfort.

And the note this morning, oh, James was just going to pretend like nothing happened. He was probably just going to hope Regulus was so drunk that he forgot about the whole interaction, that what he said was a drunken mistake, never to be spoken of again.

It was probably just easier that way, huh? To act as though Regulus didn’t have any feelings for James.

Because, well, f*ck again, Regulus couldn’t lie to himself any longer, could he?

He did have feelings for James.

He was in love with James, and had admitted it right to his stupid f*cking face.

Regulus was so conflicted, James Potter was a man, James Potter was his roommate, James Potter was his brother’s best friend.

He was practically Sirius’s other brother. The person he moved on with when Regulus stopped being reason enough to stay.

Because after the incident, it’s not like Regulus could protect Sirius for a change right? No, that would have been ridiculous.

James was the only one who could do that.

Really he should hate James for it, but he didn’t, couldn’t.

Even more bitterly, Regulus could understand why Sirius had wanted James immediate presence when he’d gotten hurt.

There was something about James that was so inherently comforting. He could wriggle his way into the center of even the deepest, darkest souls and grow them into a forest, all from the seed.

He cared for everyone, he cared for the people who had no one else, he cared for the people who had everyone else. He cared for the big things, and the small.

James just cared.

He cared, but for Regulus, he wouldn’t love, would he?

Regulus’s minute crisis was interrupted by his phone vibrating at him angrily on his dresser.

He wiped his face of the tears he was unaware fell, and checked who the caller was.

sh*t, it was Severus, his bitchy manager at the pharmacy.

Regulus remembered with dread that he had a shift scheduled for eleven thirty.

It was eleven twenty-nine.

Regulus let out a long groan before hitting accept and bringing the phone to his ear.

“Crap, sorry, Sev,” he put on his most fake-apologetic voice he could muster just then, “I’m running late, leaving in five.”

“Your shift starts now,” Severus hissed, “not ten minutes from now. This is unlike you Regulus, has college life already crumbled all of your punctuality? You’re lucky you’re usually so on time, or this would be a write up.”

Regulus grit his teeth, really, he worked at a convenience store for crying out loud. He stocked shelves for barley above minimum wage.

It wasn’t going to kill him to be ten minutes late on a Saturday morning, when everyone was probably lying in, anyway.

“No, I promise I’ll be more on time next shift, just,” he sighed, “I was sleeping off a migraine, forgot to set an alarm because my head was f*cking trying to kill me,” he half-lied, using the excuse to vent out some of his frustration.

“I’ll see you in ten,” he said before hanging up and rushing to pull on his horrendous blue polo shirt and khakis- the company uniform. Before leaving the dorm he decided it would be considerate of him to leave a note back to James to let him know his whereabouts, so he turned the paper over and scrawled down shorty, “At work.” with a neutral face beside it.

The aspirin was starting to take effect as he speed-walked across campus to his car, but not enough.

Regulus could feel the bags pulling down on his eyes, and he was sore everywhere. Plus, now the added light from the late morning sun was directly invading his eyes, illuminating his grey irises painfully and worsening the headache.

Seriously, what the hell had he done the night before, other than make a fool of himself?

Probably literally nothing but that.

With all of the reluctance in the world and a heavy sigh, he finally made it out to his car and drove off to work.

*******

Sirius POV

Sirius woke up that morning on a comfortable, warm pillow. He happily buried his face back into it, it smelt nicer than usual too.

Wait. Why was his pillow breathing?

Sirius shot up from his pace on the bed in a panic, at least until he saw what- or who, rather- his pillow really was.

Remus blinked awake now too, groggily pouting up at Sirius.

“Mm, no, come back,” he tugged adorably on the hem of Sirius’s t-shirt (which was actually Remus’s own from the night before), coaxing him back to lay on his chest.

Sirius exhaled in relief- well, more than relief. Absolute bliss would be the better way to describe how it felt to mesh himself back into Remus’s arms, one of which began gently carding through Sirius’s hair.

He hummed contentedly, “Sorry, thought it was just a dream for a second,” he turned his face to sleepily smile up at Remus’s, just inches apart.

Remus smiled back, “A good dream, or a bad dream?” he teased, “‘looked pretty scared for a second there.”

“Good dream, definitely,” Sirius sighed, moving up to plant a light kiss on the jagged scar that sliced across the bridge of Remus’s nose. Sirius had found out that the scars proceeded all the way down his torso as well, and assumed they traced along his legs as well. The cause of them was still a mystery, but Sirius wasn’t going to push for an answer.

Remus blinked, face flushing from the innocent, intimate gesture.

Sirius giggled, “So you can practically undress me in a club full of people no problem, but a little peck on the nose makes you blush? A mystery you are, Moony.”

“Moony?” Remus questioned the nickname with a lopsided grin.

“Mhm,” Sirius confirmed, “All of us have a nickname, well, except Reg so far. James is Prongs, Pete is Wormtail, I’m Padfoot-”

“What kind of furry cult-”

Sirius planted a hand over his mouth good naturedly, which of course Remus licked.

“Ugh, gross,” he laughed and crinkled his nose, wiping his hand on the sheets, “but anyways, you needed one. And now you’re Moony,” he declared with finality.

“But why?” Remus’s amused smile grew, patiently waiting for his answer.

Sirius cleared his throat, feeling a bit sappy for the reasoning now.

“Well, um, the shirt,” he gestured to himself the best he could while flattened on his stomach on top of Remus, “I thought it would be a nice reminder of, um, well, the first time we kissed,” he finished, face lit up red to his hairline now.

Remus gave him a devastatingly adoring look, “You’re such a sap,” he whispered, pulling Sirius’s face the rest of the way up into a kiss.

Sirius melted into it instantly. The feeling of Remus Lupin was excitingly and wonderfully new, but yet felt age-old, practiced until it was foolproof.

It wasn’t fireworks, it wasn’t butterflies- no, it was home.

Before things could escalate further, Sirius softly broke their lips.

“We should… talk about this, shouldn’t we?” he breathed out, still dazed in the warmth of the moment.

Remus hummed through a sigh, “Suppose we should, shouldn’t we?”

They fixed themselves so that the were sitting in an upright position on the small full-sized bed, though Sirius was still heavily sitting on Remus’s thighs- which was a bit awkward without Remus’s prosthetic on, but they made it work.

“Ok, I can’t believe I’m actually saying this out loud in real life but…what are we? To you, at least?” Sirius asked, feeling a bit nervous now to have this conversation.

What if it had just been a one-night-stand for Remus? It certainly didn’t feel that way, but Sirius had been fooled before.

Remus paused for a moment in thought, which really didn’t aid in Sirius’s nerves.

“I think… well we aren’t boyfriends yet, but… we could be, eventually,” he said at last.

“I-I think that I want to be. Just not yet.”

Sirius mulled this over, and then gave a nod in agreement. He honestly felt the same way, they had just met two weeks ago, to be fair. And Sirius hadn’t even liked Remus upon first impressions.

Funny how things like that could change. He thought humorlessly at the fact that he once again proved his mother wrong, first impressions weren’t everything.

“I feel the same,” he voiced his thoughts, “I-I want to be boyfriends eventually, too,” he nodded firmly.

“I think we should maybe slow it down a bit then, though- don’t get me wrong last night was fantastic-”

“But we should get to know each other a little more before rushing into it?” Remus read his mind, filling in exactly what Sirius was about to say.

“Yeah,” he smiled, burying his head into Remus’s shoulder.

“Yeah?” he could feel Remus smile into his hair.

“Yeah,” Sirius chuckled, shaking his head at the little inside joke.

“Hate to burst our bubble- like I really hate to,” Remus groaned, “but you had that thing at noon, right? With the fourth graders?”

“f*ck,” Sirius drew out the curse, banging his forehead onto Remus’s gorgeously freckled skin, “what time is it now?” he asked, since Remus was the one turned towards the alarm clock.

“Eleven, but I know you take your time getting ready,” he replied fondly, again bringing his hand to the back of Sirius’s head.

Sirius’s heart did a little dance in his chest. It was one thing for James or Regulus to remember the little intricacies of his routines and habits, but when Remus did it?

Sirius was falling in love over and over again with this man.

“Mm, I suppose I should get up then,” he muttered, not moving at all, rather tightening their embrace.

Remus laughed, a raspy thing due to his morning voice, which really shouldn’t have been as attractive as it was.

“Five more minutes?” Remus suggested.

“Five more minutes.”

*******

Peter POV

After their morning practice, Pete and James went back up to James’s room. Apparently James was going to go bother Sirius, but decided against it in the end so he didn’t need to “bleach his eyes,” as he’d said. Peter couldn’t help but agree, he already had to deal with being in the backseat next to those two sucking face, he couldn’t imagine what they were getting up to alone- and didn’t want to.

So, in hopes of at least picking up some dirt on Regulus while he was there, Peter agreed that Jame’s room would be the best place to hang out.

And now he was twisting back and forth in the swivel chair at James and Regulus’s desk, looking up to where the sun was sitting in front of him on his bed.

“What’s this?” he asked, absentmindedly picking up a folded piece of paper with handwritten notes covering every surface.

“Oh, ‘left Reg a note this morning. Let him know where I was. I don’t think he’d really care, in all honesty, but felt nice to do anyway,” James gave a self-deprecating chuckle, looking at what Peter was holding.

“Hmm, wait. I think he wrote something on it,” James made a grabby hand for the paper, which Peter could never refuse. He just looked so innocent when he did that, it melted Peter to his core.

So, he handed over the note despite instead wanting to rip it up. Anything that positively connected Regulus to James was on his list of things to burn.

James let out a cackle when he read it, which could only ever annoy Peter in these circ*mstances.

“He just wrote ‘At work,’ and a straight face, of course,” he shook his head lovingly.

Peter found some solace in Regulus’s suffering.

“Probably hell of a morning shift, with a hangover and all,” he said with faux concern.

“Oooh, you’re right,” James pouted, “hopefully the aspirin I set out for him helped.”

He knew James was just a nice person in general, but now he was setting out aspirin for Regulus’s hangovers? It felt far too domestic for Peter’s liking.

“Yeah, me too,” he responded politely.

For a while he just let Jams talk his ear off about practice that morning, discussing strategy for their first game, and where their weaknesses still lay. Peter occasionally offered his own input, happy to rant along with James about something they both loved and almost always agreed on.

They both got particularly excited about one play they thought out, and decided to write it down to get Coach Weasley’s opinion on.

“Do you have some paper in here?” Peter asked, beaming now that they were focused on soccer together.

“Uuh, yeah! Should have some in my school bag,” James bent over to rifle through his red, worn-out backpack on the ground.

“What’re these journals here? Could we use them?” Pete picked up one of the small, black leather bound journals on the desk that he was about to flick it open.

“Oh, nope! Those are Regulus’s, I wouldn’t open them- privacy and all, yeah?” James let him know, eyes still on the clutter in his bag.

“Oh, alright,” Peter twistedly smiled, though James could not see his expression, and tucked the journal into his inner coat pocket.

Jackpot.

“Ope! Found some!” James popped up none the wiser, holding one of his spiral-bound notebooks for class.

It had little soccer-balls all over it, how fitting.

“Great,” Peter grinned, making his way over to sit next to James.

He could barely even pay attention to what James was jotting down- no, he was planning something much more important.

*******

Regulus POV

Fortunately, Severus hadn’t given Regulus too much sh*t for his tardiness when he finally did arrive.

He could relate to Sev in the way that they were both far less confrontational people face to face than with the buffer of a phone in between.

He did make Regulus put the heavy sh*t away, though, which his noodle arms were not pleased about.

Sleep deprived and still recovering from his headache (though, it was significantly reduced now thanks to Jame’s aspirin) Regulus started humming to the cheesy early-two-thousand’s pop song that he’d heard once of twice on the radio as a child subconsciously as he loaded can after can of beans onto the shelf.

Seriously, who even bought beans at the convenience store?

Ironically enough- and much to Regulus’s dismay- that was his coworker-slash-classmate Dorcas’s nickname for him at work, Beans.

She was probably one of the only tolerable people who worked there, so he was pleased to see she was also in his Creative Writing class with him. If it were anyone else from that godforsaken job, Regulus would have screamed.

The unfortunate nickname had come into fruition after Regulus continually scared the living sh*t out of everyone by accidently sneaking up behind them; Dorcas said he was like a cat, silently prancing around on their little toe-beans.

And so, the name Beans had stuck.

Speaking of which.

“‘Kay, Beans. Gonna tell me what’s up?” Dorcas hovered over where he was kneeling in the fluorescently lit aisle, hand on hip and eyebrow arched.

“Nothing’s up,” he shoved another can into the last empty space, then moved to the next shelf down.

Her unimpressed look remained firmly in place, “Nice try. For starters, you were late, and you’re never late,” she counted off on her fingers, “next, you’re humming along to my playlist, specifically ‘Hollaback Girl’ by Gwen Stafani-”

“Who says it’s not just extremely catchy?” he replied with a deadpanned, sarcastic tone.

“-which you also never do. You don’t even hum along to Sev’s depressing emo sh*t.”

Regulus turned to her, lifting one eyebrow, as if to say ‘Really?’.

“So spill the beans, Beans. What’s going through that tragic little noggin of yours,” she lightly tapped one long, manicured nail into the crown of his hair, which he batted away.

Regulus took a deep breath, considering his life choices, “You cannot mention this to Severus, is that clear?”

Dorcas dutifully nodded, muttering, “You think I tell that asshole anything, anyways?” under her breath.

“I went out last night- my brother dragged me to a bar in town, the Hog’s Head?”

“Oh, yeah I’ve heard of it. Sounds pretty cool, was it?”

Regulus rolled his eyes, “Yes, it was fine, but that’s not the point. Apparently they think they’re above the f*cking law there, and decided not ID-ing underage college student was totally legal,”

A teasing smile slowly formed on her lips, dark brown lip gloss shining.

“Ohhh, I see. Someone’s just bitter cause he’s hungover,” she taunted.

“No…well, yes, but that’s- that’s not all, though,” he stuttered, not knowing if he wanted to keep heading in the direction he was walking himself into.

That would mean admitting, for the first time, out-loud, that he was… not straight.

“Oh?” Dorcas frowned in confusion, then raised her eyebrows with a small gasp, “Oh, you didn’t hook up with anyone, did you? Regulus, you tiger,” she snorted and laughed, obviously joking.

Regulus groaned, tilting his head back up toward the broken, flickering light-fixture. It made his head spin.

“No, I did not hook up with anybody,” he detested the idea, “I may have made some… regrettable confessions, though,” he winced.

“Ooo,” Dorcas sucked in a breath through her teeth, “The big L-O-V-E kind of confession?”

Regulus buried his face into his hands and nodded.

“And did she take it well?” Dorcas said hopefully.

Regulus’s heart skipped a beat, “He…” Regulus waited for some kind of negative reaction before continuing.

It never came, which slowed his rapidly accelerating heartbeat just a tad. Dorcas just made a small ‘o’ with her mouth, and nodded in a way that said, ‘got it.’

Regulus finished his statement,“...just winced and told me I was ‘really drunk’.”

Dorcas pulled a face, “Could have been worse?”

Regulus looked her dead in the eye, “He’s my roomate.”

She gave a low-whistle, “Oof. Yeah, man that sucks. Your lateness is definitely justified.”

Then she seemed to think of something else, pushing her lips out, “Oh, that must have been a pretty awkward morning, huh?”

“Luckily, he missed my mental breakdown, ‘get’s up at the ass-crack of dawn to play soccer,”

Dorcas caught a laugh in her mouth, “Sorry, sorry, you fell for a soccer boy? Regulus Black, everybody,” she clapped her hands for no one.

He glared at her, which had no effect after working together for months. It probably didn’t help that a begrudged smile was quirking up on his lips.

“f*ck you, Dorcas,” he flipped her off with no heat, using his other hand to keep stacking in beans.

She cackled at him, unrestrained this time, “Naw, you deserve to be made fun of just a little for that.”

“But anyways, it was fine. He just left me a note, and some water and aspirin for my hangover,” he blushed- f*ck, when did he start blushing over things.

Dorcas’s face softened, “Well, that’s sweet, isn’t it?”

“Yes, well, no.”

“No?”

“Well, James is just a nice person in general, and-”

“Hold the f*cking phone.” Dorcas interrupted, “You have a crush on James f*cking Potter?” she cackled even more at him.

“The literal stereotypical, ray-of-sunshine, golden retriever, rainbows-out-of-his-ass guy?”

Regulus sighed, “Unfortunately, that’s the one. But, as you said, he’s just nice like that. It didn’t mean a thing- he’s probably just hoping I was babbling nonsense and would forget it all in the morning,” he deflated.

Dorcas gave him a knowing smile, “I bet he doesn’t set out a loving note, water, and painkillers for just anybody. God, you can be stupid, you know that?” she ruffled his hair, much to his displeasure.

“Would you stop that- and it wasn’t a loving note. Irritating, more like it,” Regulus crossed his arms.

“Suuure, Beans,” she drawled, and started walking the rest of the way down the aisle.

He flipped her off again. She feigned heartbreak, clutching a hand to her heart.

“You love me,” she teased.

“I tolerate you,” he shot back.

“Woo! Doing better than all the other bitches here!” she threw up her arms and turned the corner.

Regulus shook his head with a huff and a smile, feeling just a bit lighter having told someone he considered a friend.

It was officially thrown out into the world now, instead of just locked away in the deepest part of his brain- and by his own conscious choice instead of a drunk slip of the tongue.

Regulus Black was in love with James Potter.

Chapter 11: Misunderstanding

Chapter Text

Reg POV

What Regulus didn’t count on after coming to terms with his emotions, was the never ending loop of James that flooded his head.

Funny how acknowledging your emotions could make them blossom by a hundredfold.

It was a constant distraction from his everyday life, daydreaming rather than doing his school work, or paying attention in class, or eating, or sleeping.

No, it was all James .

The memories would force out a giddy smile onto Regulus’s face, but just as quickly squash it when he remembered James would never feel the same way.

Regulus found himself a sunflower, helpless to the wills of the sun. He would always be eager to turn up his head and soak in as much light as possible, twisting his stem into knots to follow it if he had to.

Regulus wished, if he really were a sunflower, that he would be planted in the ground, so that he’d always have direct exposure to James. But he was confined to his vase, through the filter of a window.

Through the half-drawn curtains that the humans had pulled shut, saying the sun was ‘ too bright’, that it was ‘ hurting their eyes’ .

But the sun’s light would never hurt Regulus as a flower, instead it was addictive to him- and the addiction wasn’t a harmful one, so long as he had water in his vase, so long as he had his practiced patience to sit through all twelve hours that his love shines.

And he did, not that it mattered much.

Would the sun really take notice of a measly served plant sitting in the window, when it had millions of others to tend to outside?

Regulus sighed to himself. No one had warned him of love being torture.

“Hey, Reg!” James struggled to wave as he entered the room with his arms stacked full of small cafeteria sized bags of chips, cookies, and various other snacks.

Regulus simply opted to arch an eyebrow at him, though his heart rate doubled uncomfortably.

“Yeah that’s fair,” James chuckled at his judgemental look, “unfortunately I’m preparing to pull an all-nighter.”

“It’s Saturday,” Regulus pointed out flatly.

“Yeah, but tomorrow is the first game of the season so I won’t be able to study then-”

“Let me get this straight…,” Regulus interrupted, pinching the bridge of his nose from the sudden onslaught of stupidity he was being subjected to.

It was becoming increasingly obvious to Regulus how true the statement ‘You can’t choose who you fall in love with’ was.

Seriously, the amount of mental whiplash James was causing him had to be criminal.

James peered at him through his Mt. Everest of chip bags like a deer caught in headlights.

Regulus cursed himself for finding it so endearing.

“...You’re pulling an all-nighter,” he continued in an exasperated tone, “the day before your first game of the season.”

James at least had the decency to look a little embarrassed by his poor choices, but Regulus didn’t stop there.

“Instead of, you know, staying up tomorrow night, especially since your first class on Monday’s isn’t until ten AM-”

“You memorized my class schedule?” James cut him off with a devastatingly soft smile.

How one man was able to stir up so many emotions out of Regulus in one interaction was beyond him. It was also terrifying.

All Regulus did growing up was suppress, suppress, suppress- and he was good at it.

All James made him do was feel , and feel , and feel .

“Of course that’s the only thing you took from that,” Regulus rolled his eyes, feigning nonchalance, and turned to grab his poetry journal from under his pillow, if only to hide the rising redness in his cheeks.

James gave a little laugh, “Well, yeah, I suppose you’re right though. That was quite a stupid plan on my end.”

“You think?” Regulus remarked without looking up from his page.

James chuckled again, immune to Regulus’s sarcasm.

Again, something that was irritatingly endearing.

“Well, I guess I don’t need all these snacks then right yet, you want some?” James asked, dropping the bags onto his bed and motioning to them as if he were presenting a new car on a game show.

Regulus’s heart contracted for a split second with anxiety.

He could put on a blank face, pretend that he forgot it all, that there were no festering, unspoken emotions drilling themselves into his brain just being in James’s presence. Pretend that he was collected, witty, and sarcastic instead of a confused mess with an aching heart- but putting on a mask didn’t satiate Regulus’s need for control .

“No, thanks,” he responded politely, perhaps a bit tensely.

James shrugged, “Alright, they’re here if you want them, though.”

You won’t, Regulus’s subconscious spoke to him, You have the self-control.

Feeling a little worse for the conversation, Regulus slipped his headphones off his neck and over his ears, fully drowning out the world to focus on his latest poem.

He’d already written all of the lines, but wanted to move things around a bit, maybe- play with the words, the structure.

He took a second to breathe in, then out, and let the words on the page wash over him.

The separation between the Sun and I

Through glass is

Deceivingly thin.

I’d sooner welcome

Opacity, than this

Constant translucency.

The glass displays

All that I am missing,

And laughs at me cruelly.

R.A.B.

If nowhere and to no one else- including his own mind, most of the time- Regulus found he could always express his emotions through poetry.

Normal speech, definitions, and descriptions could never capture what a feeling was the way that a carefully constructed metaphor could.

Additionally, he appreciated the way that at some point in the writing process, it shifted from expelling his raw emotion onto paper, to the analytical, emotionally detached task of editing and perfecting the piece.

And Lord knows he needed a break from emotions, then.

It was already getting a bit later into the night, and Regulus was tired from his shift and work earlier, so he only worked on his poem for about twenty minutes- it was still extremely therapeutic, though.

Once he truly zoned into what he was doing, the editing came easily. He crossed out lines, rewrote them in different places, experimented with what words needed the most emphasis, and refined the poem until he was satisfied with it.

He flipped to a clean page to jot down the final product.

The separation between the

Sun and I through

Glass, is

Deceivingly thin.

I’d sooner welcome a wall of

Opacity, than this

Constant

Translucency.

The glass displays

All that I am

Missing, and

Laughs

At me cruelly.

R.A.B.

Perhaps it wasn’t his best work, but it never had to leave the journal, anyways.

Regulus closed his thoughts inside the pages after sliding in the ribbon bookmark, and glanced over at the subject of the poem.

James’s face was scruched in focus, typing something on his laptop. He had one hand forgotten in a bag of generic brand potato chips, and the other precariously stretched over the keyboard, trying to hit the Shift key a letter at the same time. He too, had a set of over-ear headphones on, decorated in stickers of course, and an open notebook by his side.

Regulus couldn’t help but observe James in such a rarely quiet state of concentration. James tended to do his studying in the library during the day, while Regulus did his in the room during the evenings, so it didn’t occur in his mind that James would also just study quietly like any other person.

His eyebrows came together when he was confused, or just in deep thought. His lips twitched a few times into different expressions, too. Regulus could have spent days watching Jame’s eyes flicker over the words on his assignment, shining in the reflection of his screen as well with the sparking of thoughts bouncing behind them.

There was a bittersweet sort of peace obtained from watching from afar, when the person you feel for most is unaware that you’re doing so.

Watching the sun through the glass .

Regulus laid down on his pillow without removing his headphones, still facing James, and pulled his covers over his shoulders.

He laid there and simply watched, until he drifted into sleep.

*******

James POV

James was still learning to read Regulus, but after he’d seen what he looked like with his mask slipped, it was easier to see through all of the little cracks in it.

So maybe he was overthinking, but he couldn’t help but notice something… off .

Could he have remembered the night before and felt awkward about it? Surely not.

James had a feeling Regulus would’ve made a point to deny anything that he’d said or done, calling out the fact that his actions were heavily alcohol induced if he did remember.

He probably would’ve shut himself off from James completely, now that he thought of it. Regulus was easily spooked by the idea of people knowing beyond what he wanted people to know about him.

So James could probably scratch that off his list, but what else could it be? Did James do something? Say something? Was Regulus just feeling sh*tty and tired from his hangover, or his shift at work?

He’d seemed a little more distant than usual after James came back to the dorm to study, which was actually the first time they’d seen each other all day. Not that Regulus was particularly an extrovert, but he often humored James a good conversation when they finally settled in for the night.

They had still chatted back and forth briefly, but it seemed more to James like Regulus was forcing himself into it, feigning normalcy to avoid suspicion.

But then again, James was also a chronic overthinker.

He rubbed his hands over his face, staring back at the same question he’d been stuck on for the past fifteen minutes thinking instead about Reg. James wished for a moment that he was more of a logical thinker, his brain having more control than his heart. Sometimes feeling so much blinded his logic completely, which could get really disorienting.

The simplest of interactions could get blown out of proportion in his mind, to the point of rewriting how it could have gone so many times that he was left wondering if he even knew how it went in the first place.

He needed someone else to recount the situation for him, reassure him of what had actually happened. Which is why before letting himself implode into a ball of stress, James texted Sirius and Remus for second opinions.

***

New Conversation:

<12:45 AM> You added ‘maxi-pads ♥️’ and ‘rizzmus😏’ to the conversation

<12:45 AM> You changed the name of the conversation to “Guyz plz help”

Guyz plz help:

<12:45 AM> good morning 😁

rizzmus 😏

James, it’s quarter to one and you made a chat called “guyz plz help” <12:46 AM>

I think we’re past good morning <12:46 AM>

<12:46 AM> haha right oopsies

maxi-pads♥️

uh oh jams nvr says haha < 12:46 AM>

WHATS WEONG MY LIVE < 1247 AM>

rizzmus 😏

😐 <12:47 AM>

maxi-pads♥️

WHATS WRONG MU SECND LOVE < 12:47 AM>

<12:47 AM> woooow pads i fel sooo appreciated rn

<12:47 AM> lolz but n e wayz

<12:47 AM> im probz jist overreacting

<12:47 AM> night 😁♥️

rizzmus 😏

Oh f*ck no < 12:48 AM>

You did NOT just wake me up at 1am to not tell me why <12:48 AM>

Spill. < 12:48 AM>

< 12:48 AM> …

< 12:48 AM> good point my b

maxi-pads♥️

promis yur nit overreactinf yur emotins r vald 🫶 <12:48 AM>

byt pls tell im not a mirning prson we knie this < 12:49 AM>

<12:49 AM> ok ok

< 12:49 AM> its reg

<12:49 AM> im defs overthinkight tho

maxi-pads♥️

james… < 12:49 AM>

whts wrng wit reg <12:49 AM>

<12:49 AM> thats whst i waz hoping u knew ☹️☹️☹️

< 12:49 AM> could b nthng

< 12:50 AM> just seemed out of it u know?

rizzmus 😏

I havent seen him since last night <12:50 AM>

Im guessing the hangover just got to him tho < 12:50 AM>

Ill talk to him tomorrow, sure hes fine <12:50 AM>

maxi-pads♥️

christ jamiw i almst had yur head < 12:50 AM>

I’ll tlk to him too <12:50 AM>

little sht alwys seems out of it < 12:50 AM>

smeone needs to teacj him wjat emotins r jesus <12:51 AM>

< 12:51 AM> oopsie

<12:51 AM> thx guyz 4 that luv u

< 12:52 AM> goodnight/ morning! ♥️♥️♥️

***

James sighed, partially relieved. He definitely was just worrying too much- as Sirius said, Regulus was always sort of ‘out of it’, a bit socially withdrawn. And, being in customer-service-mode all day must’ve drained his social battery even more than usual.

So yes, Regulus was fine . He was just a bit tired from a long day like anyone else would be, that was all.

A small part of James still couldn’t shake the gut-feeling that it was something more, but he was going to try and think more logically, right? His gut could piss off for a moment. All arrows pointed at Regulus’s withdrawing into himself simply being a normal, human response to fatigue, so that had to be it.

James shut his laptop, following Regulus’s advice (criticism?) to not stay up too late before the big game, and took one more look at the sleeping form across the room.

Regulus was turned facing towards James with a relaxed and peaceful expression. It gave James a sense of deja vu, remembering how he admired that exact same look on Regulus’s face when he’d taken a nap on their move in day. James smiled to himself privately, tension leaving his shoulders at the memory.

Reg was also holding on loosely to the small black cat peeking out beneath the covers with one hand; the floppy, worn nature of the toy warming the scene even more. It made James’s heart skip with a surge of fondness. Looking at Regulus always felt like home .

He grabbed an armful of his own stuffed animals, hugging them close to his chest and resting into the other half of the pile behind his back before turning off the little lamp by his bedside, and drifting off into sleep.

*******

Regulus POV

Regulus woke up the next morning much more pleasantly than the one before.

He yawned and stretched his arms as he sat up, subconsciously still holding the cat in his hand where it had rested all night.

“Ah, you’re awake! Morning!” James grinned at him, and pulled his soccer jersey over his head, messing up his hair and glasses.

Regulus choked on a sharp inhale, but hopefully played it off as clearing his throat.

“Morning,” he said, strained, turning his head away from the sight of James’s exposed skin where the shirt was still slightly bunched up.

Maybe Regulus stood corrected. He might have actually preferred the hangover.

Risking a look back, Regulus watched sleepily as James continued to bustle around the room. But unlike his usual, practiced routine, he seemed to be dashing about randomly. He’d forget one thing, and then try to make up for it by doing two things at a time, then drop what he was holding because of it, then have to start all over again. The way James was moving about was nervous , Regulus realized- stiff and choppy, while still managing to hesitate over every other thing.

“You seem nervous,” Regulus voiced his thoughts bluntly.

James jumped in his place, once again dropping the sock he’d just picked up.

“Hm! What? Pssh, no ,” James waved, once again failing to get a grip on his sock.

Regulus sighed, slightly amused, “You’re a terrible liar, you know that?”

“Am not!” James defended himself stubbornly, then paused a beat before huffing a defeated breath.

“Okay, maybe I’m a little nervous. That’s normal, though! Pre-game jitters!” he said, still in denial.

“Mmm, sure,” Regulus hummed, deepening James’s pout, “What time is this thing again anyways?”

“You’re coming?” James’s whole demeanor instantly brightened, some of the anxiety fading from his limbs.

“Evan’s on the team,” he rushed to dismiss, his pale skin once again betraying him as he flushed, “I’m going to watch Evan.”

James’s grin only grew, all too knowing for Regulus’s liking. He generally preferred to be unknown, but James wasn’t making it easy.

“ Wow , Regulus Black is coming to watch me play. And me play, only!”

“Peter’s on the team too. He’s alright company,” Regulus continued to ignore James, heart ricocheting around his ribs.

Or, at least attempt to ignore him. James wasn’t really someone you could ignore , like the sun on a hot day.

And as previously established, Regulus was nothing but one of his flowers.

James laughed joyfully, seeing right through Regulus once again.

He continued to shove his things into his soccer bag, now doing so with a little more sureness, much more relaxed and confident.

It forced a little smile to crack through Regulus’s stony mask- he was the one that made James feel that way. The sun had noticed the plant in the window, if only for a second.

James hummed a song as he went. Regulus vaguely recognized it, but couldn’t pin-point what it was- something by The Cure, maybe?

He finally grabbed his bag and headed towards the door.

“Ten-thirty,” James smirked back at Regulus softly, stopping in the doorway.

Regulus blinked, not expecting to be caught staring. Honestly, he wasn’t even aware that he had been staring.

“What?” he asked stupidly.

“The game,” James answered in a velvety, hushed voice, like it was some wonderful secret.

His smirk spread further into his face, “It’s at ten-thirty.”

“Yeah, cool,” Regulus cleared his throat, turning away his head again.

Cool? He scolded himself for the idiotic response. He felt almost guilty for the way James could render him beyond dignified speech, that made him such a creep , didn’t it? Hopelessly pining over his roommate, his brother’s brother , essentially.

Regulus grimaced at the thought.

James seemed delighted by his response though, the irritating prick that he was.

“See you then!” he waved cheerily, shutting the door behind him as he left.

Now alone, Regulus let his face fall into his hands, cursing every higher power he could think of for exposing him to a sun he was destined to never see beyond the glass.

“See you then…”

*******

Ten-thirty AM…

Once Regulus had stopped wallowing, he got up and dressed to sit and watch the stupid soccer game.

He texted Evan, wishing him good luck and letting him know he’d be there. He got a thumbs up in reply, then Pandora shooting him a message a few seconds later saying they should sit together on the bleachers. Regulus accepted the offer, of course, and grabbed one of his blankets to keep the two of them warm.

He met Sirius and Remus in the hall, who were cuddled together grossly. Regulus made a face of pure disgust noticing the dark trail of hickeys coating Remus’s neck.

“Reggie! You’re coming to watch? Sports ?” Sirius teased.

Regulus scoffed, “As if I didn’t skate circles around you as a kid when Mumsy thought it was a great idea for us to play hockey.”

Sirius shuddered, “Eek, trigger warning for the Bitch, please.”

“My apologies,” Regulus nodded sagely, making Remus snort.

“I can’t picture you two playing hockey . Figure skating, maybe,” Remus considered as they made their way to the exit.

“Mm, figure skating is cool,” Sirius said thoughtfully, “But no, me and Reggie just liked to break things. I think our parents finally gave up on beating us for it and threw us into the rink.”

“ Jeez ,” Remus cringed.

“Plus it gave us that good-old internalized hom*ophobia,” Regulus pretended to cheer with a straight face.

The other two laughed, then seemed to pause at the same time, giving Regulus funny looks.

“What?” he furrowed his eyebrows.

“Did you just- come out to us?” Sirius’s face lit up in a sh*t eating grin.

Regulus stared ahead, mulling over his words in his head.

Well, sh*t.

He groaned into his hands, spurring Remus to laugh at his expense and Sirius to spin around whooping, drawing a few annoyed looks from students walking past.

“Take that , Bitch! You made two fa*ggots!”

“ Sirius ,” Remus chuckled behind a gloved hand, “The man just came out. A bit early to start spitting slurs, yeah?”

“Pfft,” Sirius waved him off, “I’ve called him way worse.”

Remus looked between the brothers, amused. Regulus nodded his head to confirm.

They finally made it out to the field, not without much more dramatics from Sirius over this new revelation.

Hogwarts’s sports stadium was obviously ancient, old wooden bleachers lining one side of the football-slash-soccer-slash-rugby-field. More sports were probably played on it too, not that Regulus really cared.

There was a beaten-down maroon track circling it in, and the football goal-posts honestly looked like they were going to fall over at any given moment.

Even in the chill of the late September air, the soccer team was all dressed in their short sleeved jerseys and knee-shorts and sweating from their warm up drills.

Regulus caught sight of James. His movements were calm and precise as he made his passes, sprinting between the little neon cones, but his face was too… focused .

Of course, having played sports himself, Regulus knew what it was like to be in the zone when preparing for a game, but James’s expression read as less ‘in the zone’ and more ‘ I can’t f*ck this up.’

Pandora waved at them from a couple bleachers up, decked out in a red and gold Hogwarts Lions hoodie that contrasted with her normal whimsy style. She was sitting with a red-haired girl, as well as another who seemed to be the red-head’s partner. They looked very familiar, but he wasn’t really sure why. He didn’t remember ever meeting them.

Regulus waved back, stopping Sirius’s yapping to make him look up as well.

“Oh! Pandora’s already with Lily and Mary, perfect!”

Regulus frowned, they sounded even more familiar now.

“Who?” he asked.

“We met them at Hog’s Head, remember?” Remus nudged him.

“No…” Regulus winced.

Remus chuckled, “Yeah, makes sense. You were properly wasted.”

Regulus shot him daggers.

When they finally joined their friends, Regulus settled in next to Pandora, who accepted the blanket gratefully. It was long enough to reach Lily, too, who Regulus was apparently reintroduced to.

“Oh my God!” Lily exclaimed, “I thought you were a weird f*cking dream I had!”

“Unfortunately, I do exist,” Regulus replied.

Lily snorted, “I like this guy.”

“So… who actually knows the rules of soccer?” Remus asked.

The whole group just stared back at him before bursting into laughter. Even Regulus spared a light chuckle.

“None of us? Really?” Mary managed between laughs.

“From all of my one years watching,” Sirius explained, “I can confidently say it’s basically hockey with no sticks. Kind of. Almost.”

They all laughed again at the ridiculous response, settling into relaxed conversations across each other as they waited for the game to begin.

Sirius and Lily caught up with one another, not having properly gotten a chance to talk at the bar. They pulled out… bingo cards? Apparently they had a running competition to see how many wild things could happen during Hogwarts University vs. Hallow College games.

“Is that the team they're playing?” Regulus asked, “Hallow?”

“Yeah, the Snakes ,” Lily nodded, “They play dirty as sh*t, they’re our rival team.”

Regulus nodded, looking back out at James on the field.

The team was now taking a break for water, some stretching as they sat, other’s standing and chatting.

“Big first game, then.”

“Mhm,” Lily agreed.

James still wore the same intense expression, which looked terribly unfit for his face. James’s face was crafted with the intention of wearing a smile that would light up the room, Regulus thought. Seeing it adorn such a self-destructive scowl felt criminal.

So maybe, just maybe, the sunflower could shine some light on the sun, for once.

Regulus knew that it was a horribly stupid thing to do, he was only digging himself deeper and deeper into his little crush, but he took out his phone and searched for the contact regardless.

***

James ( roommate )

<10:35 AM> Stop frowning. It’s not a good look.

< 10:35 AM> You’re going to do fine, by the way.

<10:35 AM> You made the team for a reason, idiot.

***

Regulus watched as James felt the ping in his pocket, then read the messages. He watched the smile once more carve itself into his face, back where it belonged, as James whipped his head up to search the crowd.

When his gaze landed on Regulus’s face, his smile grew impossibly larger.

Regulus’s heart stopped for a moment.

Suddenly, it was just them. The noise died down around him, the crowd turning into a mere blob of colors. All there was was him and James, his smile, the light in his eyes.

Regulus raised a playful eyebrow at him, fighting his lips from twitching up but failing.

James signed and mouthed ‘ thank you’ in ASL, because of course James knew ASL.

“That was nice,” Pandora leaned her head on Regulus’s shoulder, peering over at the conversation that was still displayed on Regulus’s phone screen.

All of the noise, the crowd, the people, flooded back.

“Hm? Oh, I guess…”

“I think he appreciated it,” she smiled, nodding her chin to James who was, in fact, now bouncing around excitedly as the team took their starting line up.

“I suppose,” Regulus breathed out, smiling down lovingly at one particular player on the field.

*******

Peter POV

It had been about a week and a half since Peter got his hands on Regulus’s diary. He still couldn’t believe his luck, finding something so easily exploitable as all of Regulus’s most personal and private thoughts made tangible.

Peter had spent that time reading and rereading all of the entries so far, between his classes, homework, and soccer (The first game of the season had gone splendidly, Peter remembered wistfully. They crushed their rival team three-to-zero- he and James were once again an unbreakable defensive wall, and the new Rosier kid even scored one of the goals, which was uncommon for a freshman. They barely got playtime as it was.).

And he was pretty sure that he’d found the perfect ones for his plan.

The first was from their first day, when the rooms had gotten mixed up. Regulus was being a bit moody about the whole ordeal, complaining about having to room with James. It was obvious that even then, there were mixed emotions towards James, fighting over whether he should love or hate his new roommate, but enough evidence leaning toward hate that Peter could use it flawlessly for his plan.

For once Peter found himself thanking Regulus for being such a cold, emotionally stunted prick. Even his diary seemed not to get his full, unmasked self. It was honestly pathetic.

At least Peter acknowledged who he was. He knew full well what he was doing, that it was wrong. But no one had ever given him a reason to do right.

No one except James.

Peter was sure that he’d do anything for James if he asked it of him. He just had to make James feel the same.

Peter wanted James to see him as worthy of the same love and devotion that he felt for him; so maybe he had to step on a few heads in the process of getting there, but it would be worth it in the end.

And he was sure that these entries from Regulus were exactly the thing he needed to wipe out his worst competitor.

Next, there were a few heavier paragraphs scrawled down haphazardly, as if the words had to escape Regulus's mind as fast as possible. They toyed with the ideas of life and death, detailed some of the abuses and struggles he'd faced.

Peter almost felt bad for him, but was more thrilled at the useful material they provided. Words of self hatred could easily be spun into vile remarks about James. Maybe even threats.

Peter once again scanned through the pages he'd marked, happily plotting as he read.

“Really, the only thing I would complain about is having James as my roommate. He’s a total mess, and our room looks horrendous. I’m just not sure how this whole arrangement will work out.

Besides, I’m still working out whether I should hate him or not (the close quarters are, once again, not helping). I really should, given the fact that he encapsulated everything I typically despise in a person, added onto my admittedly complex feelings about him and Sirius.

But for some reason, I don’t. And I don’t think I *could* hate him if I tried.

He’s definitely a mess, and our room really does look like sh*t, but he wreaks havoc with so much confidence- putting his whole person into it- that it’s hard to even care. This arrangement still may not work out, but if it doesn’t, I think it would simply be because of our lifestyles being incompatible.

Not to bring Sirius into again, (because he gets enough attention as it is) but I can see why he chose James a little clearer now that I’ve met him.

He’s someone who I could instantly pin as a genuinely good person. Plus, I feel like I have no choice but to at least tolerate him after he took Sirius in. As much as I wish it could have been me to help him, I’m honestly just glad that he was in good hands for once, instead of the recipient of violent ones.

So maybe this will all be a disaster. Maybe James will be a thorn in my side for the rest of the year. But truthfully? Though I’m still at a loss for the reason why, I may be as bold to say I actually enjoy James’s company so far.

I feel as though I’m rarely so optimistic (which I should probably work on) but screw it, nothing is going normal today anyways. I think that this year is going to be better than I ever could have imagined.

R.A.B.”

Peter rolled his eyes. Of course Regulus signed his diary . What a pretentious bastard.

Onto the next.

"All I said was that death couldn't be worse. That's all I said.

I told him I wasn't suicidal, I would never kill myself. What's so wrong about considering what death may be like. What's so wrong about that?

And hearing voices? That filthy f*ck Slughorn didn't listen to a word I said. Whatever got him paid though, right? This is the type of sh*t that lands kids on streets, case and point.

Never again will I let anybody know how I'm feeling. No one get's to know the whole truth anymore. I tried, I really did, but I've known for a long while that the world is not, and will never be, in my favor.

But maybe if I try my best not to exist, it won't notice me anymore. If I can pretend to be a person, I can also pretend not to be, right? I wish I could just sleep for the rest of my life. I wouldn't be a thorn in everyone's side, then. I wouldn't have to waste Sirius's money on food or school or clothes. I wouldn't take up any more space than a bed.

R.A.B."

Now that Peter had everything he needed, his plan would fall together effortlessly. It was almost comical how easy Regulus had made it to destroy him with his bitching and his sob stories.

All Peter needed to do now was make his move.

Chapter 12: Honey, There is No Right Way

Chapter Text

James POV

After the smashing success at their first game, James knew that all was fine between him and Regulus.

James honestly wouldn’t have performed as well as he did without the extra little serotonin boost that Reg’s text messages had provided.

And really, why would Regulus have sent them if he were uncomfortable, or feeling awkward towards James?

James smiled contently with an exhale; everything really was fine. It was all just in his mind.

Regulus was back to his normal self too, for the most part at least. He seemed a bit more tired than usual as of recent, but James attributed that to the fact he’d been getting scheduled back at work again.

That was normal, that was, once again, fine . Better than, really.

So, riding that high, James thought maybe- just maybe- he was at the point where Regulus might actually consider him a friend and not just a roommate. Someone that he could hang out with, choose to talk to beyond when they were both cooped up in the dorm, or as an extension of Sirius.

It might have been a bit ridiculous to only consider that possibility now, after Regulus quite literally confessed his love to James, but he wasn’t completely convinced it wasn’t a mistake. Actually, no, he was certain that it was a mistake .

And even if it wasn’t- which it was- James knew that Regulus would never admit it sober.

The thing about the Black brothers was that their trust was not easily earned.

It took time and dedication, proving over and over that you loved them and weren’t going to leave for them to even begin warming up to you, James had found in his time getting to know Sirius and Regulus.

It was one big game of Jenga. If you moved the wrong piece, or went in too fast or carelessly, the whole tower would fall apart. You lost.

But unlike Jenga, you didn’t get a second chance to rebuild the tower. You just lost, and that was that.

If you were gentle and patient though, and they did warm up to you, you would forever have them by your side. And that was the beauty of them. That was winning the game.

They were stars, after all; wonderfully constant by nature.

So first things first, James needed to be Regulus’s friend- if he let him. And James really hoped he did.

Speaking of Regulus.

“Pay attention ,” he hissed, elbowing James roughly in the side.

They were in Minnie’s class again, which was James’s favorite for two obvious reasons. One of the reasons usually distracted him, though- case in point.

“Thanks,” James whispered back.

Regulus sent him an annoyed, deadpanned look, then turned his focus back to their Professor’s lecture.

James really should have done the same, seeing as he’d just been elbowed for not doing so, but the buzz of anxiety that came with starting ‘ Operation: Be Regulus’s Friend’ wouldn’t let him.

He nervously tapped his foot up and down under the desk as he scrawled down a note on his otherwise blank notebook page, that was not at all related to what Minnie was saying up front.

Before he could talk himself out of it, James slid the notebook until the metal rings of the binding bumped Regulus’s elbow lightly. The other man glared at him, but looked down to read the page, anyways.

“ What are you doing after classes today? :),” James had written.

He bit the end of his pencil watching Regulus’s face soften into something sweet, then tense a little with… guilt? Pity?

Maybe the whole plan was a mistake. This was way too forward, right? No way would Regulus want to hang out with just James , right?

Oh no, what if Regulus just agreed to hang out because he felt bad? This was such a bad idea.

Regulus scrawled something down, then slid the notebook back over to James with a frown. He locked eyes with James for a moment, apologetic grey clouds staring back at him.

Taking a deep breath in, James looked down to see what Reg had written.

“ I have work tonight, why?”

James cursed at himself, Regulus had told him that he was typically scheduled on Tuesdays last week- how could he have forgotten?

Well, at least now he was pretty sure that Regulus wasn’t just lying to get out of hanging out with James, which made him feel a lot better.

Confidence slightly regained, he scribbled down a reply.

“ Shoot! Right, you told me. Maybe when you have a day off, we could do dinner at Three Brooms?”

It was definitely bold. But was it too bold?

Friends could go to dinner together, right?

Regulus blushed a deep red when he read what James had written, his eyes widening slightly. Once he seemed to regain composure a little bit, he started to write underneath.

James braced himself for the certain rejection he was going to be met with.

But instead, stared dumbfounded when Regulus hastily shoved the paper back, revealing in perfect black-inked cursive, “ Ok. It’s a plan.”

And, oh .

Oh, wasn’t that just lovely .

James had to physically restrain himself from jumping up and down and cheering right there in the middle of the lecture hall.

It’s a plan.

It’s a plan,

It’s a plan.

*******

Regulus POV

Barty snorted, “It’s a plan ?”

In his panicked state, he’d vented to his three clay-spinning maniacs about James’s invitation. Regulus himself was no good at social cues, but he was almost confident that what James was implying was a dinner date . But the notion of that was so impossible in his mind that it really made absolutely zero sense. So, he’d made the mistake of spilling his guts to the first people he considered tolerable inorder to get some clarification.

It was not proving helpful so far.

Regulus groaned in embarrassment, “What was I supposed to say? It’s a date ?”

“ Yes ,” Barty said as if it were obvious, while Pandora asked, “Well, is it?”

“That’s the thing, I have no clue,” Regulus complained, throwing a frustrated fist down into his poor clay.

“Why does it have to be anything?” Evan suggested thoughtfully, “Can’t it just be two roommates getting dinner together?”

“ Romantically getting dinner together,” Barty gushed unhelpfully, “because they’re both obviously in lo -”

“Crouch,” Regulus cut him off with a level, threatening tone, “don’t you dare finish that sentence.”

Barty waggled his tongue piercing at Regulus childishly.

“I’m right, though. I’ve seen this coming for weeks.”

“Oh f*ck off, you did not ,” Evan rolled his eyes at him.

“No, I see what he means,” Pandora countered, “there was the night you went to the bar-”

“-which you weren’t even there for,” Regulus mumbled.

Evan gave him a look, “You asked us to come and pick out your outfit , dude. You obviously wanted to look nice for someone , and it sure as hell wasn’t Sirius.”

Regulus flipped him off.

“Then, was it last week? At the game-” Pandora continued before being cut off by Barty.

“What happened at the game?” he leaned in with a sh*t eating grin.

Regulus huffed, sending Pandora a softer version of his glare, not really able to ever be truly upset with her. She wrinkled her nose at him with a smile- a strange but cute teasing gesture.

“James looked nervous so he texted him good luck,” she provided shamelessly.

“ Awww , isn’t that just adorable ,” Barty pretended to swoon onto Evan, who oddly enough let it happen.

He instead snorted, “Ah, so that’s why James was acting like he’d done some pre-game cocaine. The dude is obviously crazy about you, why don’t you just, I dunno, tell him how you feel?”

Regulus immediately answered him without a second thought.

“No.”

“I agree with Ev,” Pandora gave him a soft smile.

“If it were anyone else, I probably wouldn’t recommend it, since you live together and all… but with the way you two looked at each other on the field the other day,” Regulus flushed at the memory, “I don't know. There was something there . A good passing of energies,” she pondered.

Regulus wouldn’t have taken that sort of thing seriously if anyone else had said it, he wasn’t a spiritual person and never pretended to be- but Pandora’s words blossomed a little flower of hope in his chest.

“Yeah?” he breathed out.

“Mhm,” she nodded sincerely.

He took a deep breath, f*ck he was going to do it, wasn’t he?

“Ok,” he said on an exhale, screwing his eyes shut.

“ Ok ,” he repeated more boldly.

Barty nearly flipped over his seat with a victorious “ Yes!”, and the twins beamed matching grins at him.

“ But ,” he added with emphasis, “not until after we go out for our… plans . I want to at least enjoy that before I go and spoil it all,” he sighed.

“That makes sense,” Evan agreed, "You aren’t going to spoil anything, though, trust me. I wasn’t exaggerating when I told you I thought James was literally on some sh*t- I’ve never seen a sober person that happy,” he shook his head in disbelief.

Regulus winced a little, suddenly remembering a very important detail involving the lack of sobriety.

He already had confessed, hadn’t he? And it hadn’t gone well.

When he was drunk, James could pretend nothing had happened. He could assume Regulus didn’t remember a thing and never speak of it again. But if Regulus told him how he felt when he was sober…

“Uh-oh, I don’t like that face,” Barty frowned.

“There’s just one more thing,” Regulus grimaced as he recounted the snippets of memories from the night at the Hog’s Head.

The other three fell into a sympathetic silence as they listened, not even caring to work on their sculptures.

“Maybe he just meant, like, he wanted to hear you say it when you weren’t drunk out of your mind?” Barty offered.

“I hate to agree with that one-”

“Hey!”

“-but he does have a point. James wanting to know you meant it and everything,” Evan said.

“Why would he sound so- so upset , then?” Regulus struggled to comprehend.

“Love doesn’t always feel nice,” Pandora pointed out, “it could have hurt him to not know if you were directing the statement towards him at all.”

Regulus didn’t really buy it, but a man could hope, right?

“Maybe…” he pursed his lips.

“When’s your date, then?” Evan asked, trying to lighten the mood a bit.

“Oh… well we didn’t really pick a day,” Regulus replied, “I should probably text him.”

Regulus pulled out his phone and opened his messages. He only had about ten people in his contacts total, so James wasn't hard to find.

The conversation from the game still lingered as their most recent messages, seeing it caused an involuntary bubble of warmth in Regulus’s chest.

The sun noticed the flower in the window.

He quickly typed out a new message, hesitating briefly before tapping the send button and dropping his phone down on the table like it had burned him.

“I’m not working tomorrow,” he’d stated simply.

Almost immediately his phone lit up in response, vibrating obnoxiously as the stream of texts came in. Regulus snatched it back up as hastily as he’d dropped it, making Evan snort.

***

James (roomate)

<3:30 PM> I’m not working tomorrow.

ok!!! <3:30 PM>

w8 <3:30 PM>

OH! <3:30 PM>

YAY!!! <3:30 PM>

😁😁😁🙌 <3:30 PM>

when did u wana go? <3:30 PM>

w8 that IS what u meant right? <3:30 PM>

i dont wanna assume <3:30 PM>

its ok if thats not what u meant <3:30 PM>

i mean OFC its ok <3:30 PM>

yur not obligated to go ANYWHERE with me <3:30 PM>

but id be v happy if thats what u DID mean <3:31 PM>

not that u have act around my emotions <3:31 PM>

James is typing… <3: 31 PM>

***

Regulus just blinked for a second, his brain needing to catch up to James’s hyperactive word vomit.

Was James… nervous ? To have dinner with Regulus ?

His heart felt like a rock tumbler; the feeling that reading James’s messages had created was new . Not quite anxious, not quite excited, but there were definitely strong notes of both fighting to be the most prominent.

Regulus shook himself out of his daze so he could reply to James before he made himself pass out on the other side of the phone.

***

<3:31 PM> Yes.

<3:31 PM> That’s what I meant.

<3:31 PM> Why would I have felt the need to randomly tell you when I WASN’T working, idiot?

***

Ok, so maybe Regulus could have been a little nicer about it- sue him, he got mean when he was anxious.

***

OMG FNTASTIC!!!!! WHOOP!!! <3:32 PM>

i think yur gonna LUV 3 Bs at night <3:32 PM>

totes haz the same vibe as yur side of the room <3:32 PM>

how duz 6 sound??? <3:32 PM>

i cant w8 😁😁😁 <3:33 PM>

<3:33 PM> Calm down, six sounds fine. Meet me at the witch statue at 5:45.

<3:33 PM> The one Sirius calls his “twin”.

LOLOLOLZ OK <3:33 PM>

will do 🫡 <3:33 PM>

ACK IM SO EXCITED!!! <3:33 PM>

<3:34 PM> It’s dinner, Potter. Don’t have (another) stroke.

<3:34 PM> I fear that you still haven’t recovered from your last.

< 3:34 PM> I hope for my own sanity that the brain damage isn’t permanent.

HAHAKJKWZ <3:34 PM>

yur so funny reg <3:34 PM>

[James replied to “It’s dinner, Potter. Don’t have (another) stroke.”]⤵

i liked it better when u called me jamie ☹️ <3:34 PM>

<3:34 PM> Oh, dear. I fear the brain damage has gotten worse.

<3:34 PM> Because I have literally never called you that in my life.

o yeah u were drunk u wouldnt rmbr <3:34 PM>

but u sooooo did <3:35 PM>

i promise <3:35 PM>

and when i promise something <3:35 PM>

i nvr ever break that promise <3:35 PM>

<3:35 PM> Stop making a mockery of Rapunzel’s words with your lies.

<3:35 PM> She did nothing to deserve it.

OMG KJSDHJDK <3:35 PM>

YOJ GIT TEH REFRENCE <3:35 PM>

but how DARE u doubt my sincerity <3:35 PM>

im heartbroken 😔😔😔 <3:35 PM>

<3:35 PM> Read 3:35 PM

KLJDXMKA <3:35 PM>

LMFAO DID U JUST TYPE OUT A READ RECEIPT <3:36 PM>

OMG IDK WHETER TO LAUGH OR BE DEVESTATED <3:36 PM>

***

He huffed a little laugh himself, rolling his eyes as he closed his phone.

When Regulus looked up, he was met with three expectant pairs of eyes staring back.

“ So?” Barty impatiently broke silence first.

“He was smiling a lot, that has to be a good sign,” Pandora added.

Evan nodded in agreement, “Mhm.”

Regulus bit his inner lip- half from nerves, half to contain an embarrassingly large grin from consuming his face.

“We’re going out tomorrow, at six.”

*******

Peter POV

The worst thing about any good plan was waiting for the perfect timing. A good plan- to be executed as such- had to be put into motion at the exact right moment, lest it all fall to pieces.

So, if Peter wanted to do this right, he was going to have to be patient just a little bit longer.

See, when Peter had asked about the journal in the first place, it was just a moment in passing for James. He assumed the fact that he’d seen it would’ve already been out of James's mind, forgotten- but assuming wasn’t good enough. Peter had to be absolutely sure that the memory would be tucked back in the deepest crevice of James’s mind, otherwise he could make the association that Peter was the one stealing and editing the entries to frame Regulus in a poor light. And he couldn’t have that.

So, to help James forget, Peter would have to replace the memory with new ones. Obviously, Peter didn’t mind. He never needed an excuse to spend time with James. He would spend the next few days trying to make an appearance in James’s schedule as often as possible, showing James just how sweet and kind and funny he was.

The kind of person James would want you to be.

Peter winced at the thought, but ultimately ignored it. He was already too far gone into his plan to have a moral crisis over it- besides, it was going to work . Soon, he wouldn’t have to worry about any of the stones he’d stepped over, he would already be on the other side of the pond.

James would be too blindly trusting of him, as he typically was, to ever make the connection. Especially after the next couple of days.

Peter slid his phone out of his pocket, couldn’t hurt to start then, could it?

***

James <3

<6:03 PM> hey prongs :)

wormy 🎩(tipping the hat v fancily at u)<6:03 PM>

<6:03 PM> lol

<6:03 PM> i was wondering, wanna go pick some flowers w me for class tomorrow night?

<6:04 PM> you were all upset last time i went without you

AWWW MAN<6:04 PM>

wormy u know i would absl luv 2<6:04 PM>

but me and reg have plans 4 dinner ☹️☹️☹️<6:04 PM>

next time 4 sure!!! <6:04 PM>

or if u wanted to on thursday instead????<6:04 PM>

whens yur assignment due????<6:05 PM>

<6:05 PM> that’s alright! it’s due on thursday 🫤

<6:05 PM> i’ll send you pictures of the ones i find tho

AWW TY<6:05 PM>

yur the best wormy <6:05 PM>

🫶🫶🫶 <6:05 PM>

<6:06 PM> ofc :)

<6:06 PM> what’re you and regulus doing for dinner?

3 B’s !!! <6:06 PM>

i think he’s only ever had their coffee 😔 <6:06 PM>

can’t let him miss out on the BEAUTY that is their mac and cheese <6:06 PM>

<6:06 PM> TOO TRUE!

<6:06 PM> i would marry 3 B’s mac and cheese oh my lord

<6:06 PM> well you 2 have fun :)

THNX MAN 😁🫶 <6:06 PM>

***

Spoiler alert, Peter really only hoped that James would have fun. Honestly, Regulus having the least amount of fun was preferable at all times, thank you very much.

But this was fine . It really was, because nothing about it was going to last.

Any bond that had been created between James and Regulus would be broken.

All, in just a couple of days.

*******

James POV

James spent the entire next day on top of the world. Not even his least favorite class could bring him out of his excitement because it was the day of his date-

No, not date. Friendly dinner with Regulus.

He couldn’t sit still through any of his lectures, instead his mind was stuck playing through thousands of different scenarios about how the night would go.

James knew it would just end up fueling his nerves- which it did- but he couldn’t help it. How many people had the privilege of taking Regulus Black out to dinner?

Well, James didn’t exactly know the answer to that, but he was the only one taking him out to dinner that night, so that was all that mattered.

So with butterflies banging their wings against the walls of his ribcage, James knocked on Sirius and Remus’s door. He knew Sirius was still in class, so he didn’t have to worry about getting asked by him just who he was so nervous to take out. James had a feeling that Sirius wouldn’t necessarily take that information well, even if he insisted it was purely a platonic outing between two friends- because it was , of course.

But Sirius and James had a way of looking straight through each other, being able to tell when the other was hiding something. Sirius would definitely see clear as day that James had other feelings for his brother, in addition to his claimed platonic ones.

So when it was just Remus who opened the door, looking a bit disoriented and disgruntled from what James guessed was napping, and using one crutch instead of his prosthetic, James was all too relieved.

“Hey, James, what’s up? You look like you’re going to jump out of your skin there… Sirius is still in class if you’re looking for him?” Remus greeted as he rubbed his eyes, yawning.

“Er- no actually. I need you,” James stated as he twiddled with his thumbs.

Remus eyed him confusedly, but said nothing.

“And- well if I tell you- and this is going to sound really weird, especially coming from me but-”

Remus stared at him, processing absolutely none of James’s rambling with a slow blink.

He sighed, “Just come in, man, take a breath.”

Remus stepped aside so that James could enter the dorm, foregoing taking a seat to pace around the little space the room offered. Remus flopped down on his bed and pulled the covers back over himself, but kept his head facing towards James so that he could listen.

“Well, go on then.”

“The thing is, you can’t tell Sirius,” James worried his lip as he walked back and forth.

“Ah, now that depends on what you tell me,” Remus bristled a bit at the mention of hiding something from Sirius, gaze going suspicious.

James’s heart swelled knowing his best friend had found someone who cared so much about him, and was quick to explain.

“No, no, it’s nothing bad, I promise. Just-”

James took a big breath in, then blurted,“I’mtakingRegulusouttodinnertonightandit’snotevenadate but I’msupernervousRemuspleasehelp,” before breathing out.

Remus pressed his eyes shut, trying to make sense of what James had just spewed at him.

“Slower?”

“I’m taking Regulus out to dinner tonight and it’s not even a date but I’m super nervous, Remus please help?” James repeated a bit bashfully.

“ Ughhh , what is it with us gay people and being so f*cking complicated, Sirius is going to kill you when he finds out, you know.” Remus groaned, throwing an arm over his eyes.

“... What do you need help with,” he finally gave in, sighing exasperatedly.

James shuffled on his feet, “Help me pick an outfit?”

Remus threw his covers off his torso with both arms, still lying down.

“I thought you said it wasn’t a date?” he teased, but got up anyway, this time grabbing his leg to fasten on.

“Well, you see, I sort of forgot to ask him on a date -”

Remus paused what he was doing to look up at James, “So you’re not going out with him?”

“Well, that’s the thing, I’m going out with him, technically, but not out on a date ,” James explained.

Remus made a small ‘o’ with his mouth, then once again furrowed his eyebrows in thought.

“But you… want it to be a date? Why didn’t you just ask him?” he asked.

James raised an eyebrow at the comment, Remus knew Regulus, afterall.

“Right, fair,” Remus waved, finishing with his leg, “let’s get you dressed, then.”

*******

Remus POV

5:40 PM

“Yes, James, a tie is too formal for a cafe,” Remus sighed into his hands. He’d been attempting to help James decide on his outfit for his… not date for the past hour or so.

Jesus f*cking Christ, how’d he end up in these situations.

So far, they’d decided on his brown, corduroy trousers (which were so well- fitted that it made even Remus blush), his red converse ( Obviously, as James had said. They were his ‘good luck charm,’ apparently), but no top yet.

“But like, what if he thinks I’m a slob,” James pouted, “or that I don’t care about going out with him.”

“You literally live with the man, if you were a slob he’d know by now,” Remus pointed out, “I think he’d be more embarrassed to show up at The Three Broomsticks with someone in a shirt and tie,” Remus shot back, rifling through Jame’s shirt drawer.

His hand landed on a soft, cotton red t-shirt with a rough hem- obviously having been cut by James himself. There was a spider-man graphic on the front, only slightly sliced into where James had cropped it about an inch.

Remus held it up, “What about this? It’s cafe-appropriate, and matches your shoes.”

James looked over from where he was holding- God , forbid - a blazer, of all things, to see the shirt.

“Oh! I quite like that one, actually, I forgot I even had it!” he smiled, thankfully dropping the coat.

“Mhm,” Remus hummed, “You could just pop your denim jacket over-top too. Boom, outfit.”

“Boom, outfit,” James echoed, beaming at him with warmth “Thanks, Remus.”

“‘Course, anytime,” Remus softened, smiling back.

“Is just dinner enough ?” James wondered aloud, “I feel like that’s kind of boring, I should take him to do something more .”

Remus shook his head affectionately; if Regulus didn’t get his act together and allow himself to show just how much he liked James- without three drinks in his system, because yes, Remus had seen them on the dance floor and he wasn’t an idiot- he didn’t know what he was going to do. James was so head over heels it was almost comical.

“Hmm, well I’ve been looking around for some things to do in town, there’s a record shop down the street? I know Regulus quite likes his CD collection, I bet they have some there,” Remus suggested.

James’s face went absolutely dopey at the mention of Regulus’s CD’s for unknown reasons to him, but Remus guessed he’d hit the bullseye with that.

James sighed wistfully, “Yeah, I know the place. I think he’d really like that, thanks.”

The sound of the door handle being opened made them both look up. Regulus walked in, immediately tilting his head at the piles of clothing strewn over James’s bed and side of the floor.

“Hi, Remus,” he said warily, “James, we’re leaving in fifteen minutes, what are you doing?”

“He made me come and help him pick out an outfit,” Remus smiled innocently at James, who looked mortified .

Remus laughed at the way Regulus’s features melted into something slightly sweeter; these two idiots were so oblivious.

Regulus cleared his throat, catching the slip in his mask, and making Remus laugh harder.

“Well, I’m just back to grab my wallet and jacket-”

“Oh, don’t bother with the wallet! It’s on me!” James grinned at him, making Regulus scowl and his cheeks dust with red.

Remus rolled his eyes, it’s not like the other two were focused on anything but each other, anyways. Remus could have magically grown back his leg and done an Irish jig and they’d still be too lost in each other's eyes to care. It made him want to shake both of his friends until they just admitted they had feelings for eachother, but he respectfully remained seated back.

Things would happen on their own with time, no need for him to ruin that by forcing their connection. Remus wasn’t typically one to be sappy, but seeing two people he’d grown rather fond of fall in love was a beautiful thing.

“Why can’t I pay for my own meal?” Regulus asked edgily, folding his arms across his chest.

It would have come off as mean if Remus didn’t know Regulus any better, but he did. So really, he found it quite adorable- Regulus was like a kitten in a lion’s costume, using his mask of coldness and aggression to hide his sweet, cuddly personality.

“Well you can , just… I wanted to, is all,” James confessed, a bit abashed.

“I can pay for my own things,” Regulus muttered a bit more gently, turning his face slightly away.

Remus still caught a hint of a smile he was trying to hide, though.

“Of course you can!” James scrambled to say.

“I promise I don’t think you can’t! But just- I-,” he struggled with his words, flustered, and took a second to gather his thoughts.

To Remus’s surprise, Regulus didn’t fill the silence with a snappy comment, and just waited for James to collect himself patiently. The tooth-aching sweetness of it all was making Remus feel a bit like he was intruding, so he stood up to leave.

“Well, I’m heading back to my room, Sirius should be back by now,” he announced with a sly smile, just to f*ck with Regulus a little bit.

Regulus made a disgusted face at him, glaring. Remus chuckled, having achieved his goal.

“Bye, Remus! Thanks a ton!” James waved as he opened the door.

“Of course- Regulus you owe me too, by the way. Without me he’d have shown up to the restaurant in a tuxedo.”

Regulus’s eyes widened, whipping his head towards James in mortification. James just shrugged.

“Thank you, Remus,” he said, pointedly not moving his eyes off his roommate.

“You two have fun!” Remus waved.

Then, because Remus loved to cause chaos, he added, “Use protection!,” before hastily closing the door and beelining down the hall, cackling.

*******

Regulus POV

At Remus’s comment, Regulus’s face lit up.

“ What did you tell him this was?” he hissed, shooting bullets at James with his eyes.

James put up his hands in defense, “I just told him it was a friendly dinner! Promise!”

His face was a deep red too, so Regulus assumed he was too embarrassed to lie and dropped it. Definitely not because he trusted James completely when he’d said he never broke his promises. Definitely not. That would be silly and naive of him…

“Ok, ok, fine,” he wiped a hand down his face, “but you still haven’t explained why you insist on buying my food.”

“Well, dinner was my idea, wasn’t it? I figured, since I’m the one who brought it up, I should pay! I’m not just going to ask you to come with me somewhere and make you drain your bank account,” he reasoned.

Regulus thought that was… nice. Not that one meal would necessarily drain his bank account, but at least James wasn’t paying out of guilt, or treating him like a charity case. It wasn’t because Sirius had told him he was paying for his tuition, and he had virtually no money of his own to go around spending on unnecessary dinners out- no, James was simply paying because he wanted to, and who was Regulus to argue with that?

So of course, his next words were: “I’m not a charity case.”

James groaned- which, ok yeah that was fair- but a fond smile was still playing on his lips.

“Can’t a guy just be nice?” he teased.

Yes, yes, yes, I want you to be nice to me. I want you to care for me. I want you to love me, shine on me, Sun, please.

“We’ll see,” Regulus remarked instead, grabbing Sirius’s stolen leather jacket off his bed, subtly dumping his wallet out of the pocket and shoving under his pillow, “be outside in ten, or I’m going without you.”

Regulus felt like he didn’t really need to change his outfit, already in his favorite, baggy grandpa sweater and a pair of black skinny-jeans; but he felt a little bad for it, seeing as James was putting in extra effort to make himself look nice.

Well, nicer . James always looked more than nice, Regulus thought.

But, not to make a simpering fool out of himself again, Regulus simply walked out the door, not turning back.

*******

James had showed up at the one-eyed witch statue exactly on time with a cheeky grin, so of course Regulus took the piss by saying he was a minute late- which he wasn’t- and that he was lucky Regulus was still agreeing to go out with him- which was really the opposite of the truth.

Regulus was the lucky one to be asked out by James in the first place, even if it wasn’t on a date, per say.

He would take the little wins.

Just a little warmth to get him through.

When they arrived at the Three Broomsticks, Regulus was stopped dead in his footing. It was a cute place during the day, but at night?

James was right, he really did love it.

Regulus hadn’t noticed before how fairy lights were draped across the ceiling of the quaint little building, lighting it up like their own personal set of stars. He could see it all in from the outside through the front glass windows, which were stocked with fall-colored flowers.

Couples, groups of friends, and even just people choosing to treat themselves to a night alone were all seated at the candle-lit tables, the candles themselves being a funky array of hand-made shapes and colors and the tables extending all the way to the fenced-off area outside.

A couple of halloween decorations, pumpkin motifs, and of course broomsticks, were strewn about as well in the festive spirit.

And best of all, there was live music .

An otherwise grumpy and world-worn man sat on a small, slightly elevated stage in the corner of the outside dining area with an acoustic guitar and mic set up. He had an eye-patch and a rich, soothingly raspy voice that made Regulus feel oddly nostalgic and old at the same time.

Regulus looked at James with starry eyes, he couldn’t believe how perfect it all was. And that James had known how much he would like it.

“Oo, looks like Mad-Eye’s playing again! Love that guy,” James said easily, as if he hadn’t made Regulus’s heart stop.

As if he wasn’t the sun, and Regulus wasn’t a sunflower. As if they were just two people enjoying a night out together. As if they didn’t have all of the deep, convoluted history in the world, while simultaneously having none at all.

“That his name?” Regulus asked just as nonchalantly.

Because, yes . This is a role he could play, that he wanted to play. Regulus could just pretend to have this for one night, to be a person, for one night.

“Yeah! Well, obviously not actually , but his stage name. His real name is-” James paused for effect, goofily looking both ways before leaning in, hiding his mouth with one hand, and whispering, “ Alastor.”

Regulus burst out into a giggle at his antics- he just couldn’t help it.

They hadn’t even sat down yet, but Regulus was just so happy to be there with James.

James just stared at him for a moment in awe, but then too started laughing alongside him. It took the two a few minutes to stop- every time they came close, they would make eye contact and start all over again- but finally they did, walking into the cafe a little lighter than they’d been a moment before.

“Where d’you wanna sit?” James asked, smile still firmly blessing his features.

“Outside, it’s not too cold out yet,” Regulus replied.

James’s face softened, “Thought you might say that.”

Regulus rolled his eyes, “Psh, you don’t know me, Potter,” he lied, nudging James’s side.

James contradicted his statement with a knowing smirk as they went up to the counter to put their orders in.

James ordered a bowl of mac and cheese, which he highly suggested to Regulus, and a hot chocolate (which made Regulus cringe, thinking about the flavors mixing). Regulus hesitantly ordered the same entree, but definitely chose a different drink- lavender lemonade with plain water to sip in between.

The food would be taken out to their number marker, so they could really choose any seat available. Regulus was very specific about not being too close to the stage, so that they could hear each other talk, but close enough to still really enjoy it. James was happy enough to trail along after him as he weaved in and out of the chairs to find them the perfect spot.

When Regulus had finally chosen the correct table, James was staring at him with a look. It wasn’t a judgmental look, but rather something gentle that Regulus couldn’t quite interpret- so he ignored it.

“Just to let you know, I don’t even like mac and cheese, so this better be good,” he retorted.

James snorted, “You didn’t have to get it, Reggie-”

“No,” he flatly vetoed the nickname.

“-But you’re gonna like it,” he finished with confidence.

“Mmm, but should I really trust your judgment? You ordered hot chocolate. With mac and cheese.”

“You already do trust my judgment, you wouldn’t have ordered it if you didn’t,” James concluded with a smirk- which made Regulus want to both kiss it right off of him, and contrarily, shove his head into his dish when it came.

Thankfully he refrained from doing either, settling for a simple, “f*ck off.”

James giggled victoriously, which was really quite an odd reaction to being told to f*ck off, but Regulus wasn’t complaining.

“Is it weird that I find it so cute when you insult me?” James asked, proving his oddness. Regulus still wasn’t complaining… internally.

“ What ?” he tried to sound appalled, but his face was betraying him with the threat of a grin, “I fear the brain damage still hasn’t been helped, then?”

Of course, James proceeded to laugh even more at that. The purely overjoyed sound blessed Regulus’s ears.

“See? Adorable,” he gushed, stupidly resting his chin on his hands.

“Did you know I keep a knife under my pillow? And that I could quite literally kill you- with ease - any time you fall asleep in the room?”

James tilted his head to one side, as if he were looking at a box full of kittens instead of someone who just threatened him with murder; no matter how empty the threat obviously was.

“Yeah, but you won’t. Couldn’t, I bet” he drawled.

“I know ten different ways-”

“No, no, that’s not what I meant,” James interrupted, “I’m not doubting that you could physically do it. I mean, you’d literally have a knife.”

“O…kay?” Regulus nodded for him to continue, as if this were a perfectly normal discussion to be having at a cutesy cafe dinner.

James rolled his eyes fondly, “What I mean is that you’d never do that to me- or anyone. You’re a good person, Reg.”

And, well that was something new, wasn’t it?

Regulus had been called many things in his life. Emotionless and insensitive seemed to top the list, maybe occasionally smart, studious, or even intimidating. He’d been screamed at until the other person lost their voice, he’d been held and patched up, he’d been left to suffer and cry. A million different names he’d been called by a million different people for a million different reasons- but being called a good person?

That was one thing that he’d never been called.

“I-” Regulus started, his voice catching, “I was joking,” he cleared his throat awkwardly.

James’s expression once again turned into that look, that infuriatingly wonderful look.

“Yeah. Yeah, Reg, I know.”

Luckily Regulus was saved from responding by the waiter coming out with their food, who James instantly struck up a conversation with over her cool punk-rock hair and piercings.

She reminded Regulus a bit of Sirius, so no wonder James was so quick to befriend her.

It was such a sweet thing to watch the sun warm all that was within its sights- whether it was his closest friends, the flowers in the fields, or a stranger at a restaurant.

When she’d set the food down and they finished their quick, friendly chat, James gave a quick, “ Thanks… Macy!” , reading off her nametag, and then turned his full attention back to Regulus.

“Ok, tell me what you think,” he smiled giddily, eyes bouncing between Regulus's face and his bowl.

James practically singed his hair on the candles, leaning over the table to watch Regulus try his mac and cheese.

What an idiot, Regulus thought, but picked up his spoon.

It actually looked quite appetizing, to his surprise. It was a large serving for Regulus alone, so he’d definitely be taking most of it home in a take-away container. But perhaps it wouldn’t be too bad.

Hesitantly he broke the top layer of crispy, melted cheese with a satisfying crunch, and scooped into it. He eyed James skeptically, but took the bite after being prompted to do so.

Regulus’s whole expression changed as he put it in his mouth- it was as good as James had said.

James laughed heartily, “Yes! I’ve converted you!”

In more than one way, Regulus thought to himself sarcastically.

“I haven’t even said anything,” Regulus smirked, not going to give James the satisfaction of admitting he was right.

“For all you know that could be my face of disgust,” he said, scooping up another spoonful and eating it- just to make James laugh more than anything.

To his delight, it worked.

Regulus had never gotten lost in anything so wholly as he did James’s laugh. Oh, how addicting to a flower it would be if they could make the sun shine a little more each time it swayed in the wind, or grew a new petal. The sun would shine forever, if that were the case. So, that night, Regulus once again played his role as a sunflower- but this time he felt more firmly rooted in the ground.

All that Regulus wanted to do for the rest of his life was make James laugh, but he’d settle for just the one night- beggars couldn’t be choosers, after all. And Regulus was begging, praying, pleading . He thought of every witty comeback, every snarky joke, every perfectly timed blank stare that would make James explode into a symphony of photons, thawing every icy wall that Regulus had ever attempted to put up.

Their dinner was wonderful, better than Regulus ever thought possible with it just being the two of them. Usually, when Regulus was left alone with someone, the awkward tension made him want to rip his hair out. And Regulus usually adored the silence. But a silence that someone else was very obviously trying with all of their might to break?

You might as well tell a bird to be at ease while it sits in a glass birdhouse and watches someone hold a baseball bat next to it.

But this was nothing like that, the conversation flowed easily with James. They fed off of each other's energy like it was made for the other to have in the first place. The two balanced each other out; Regulus was the rain on James’s hot, summer day. James was the fireplace to Regulus’s cold, winter one. They just worked together, in some strange, beautiful way.

Another new thing for Regulus- once again discovered through James- was the thought that Regulus wasn’t solely to blame for all of those awkward silences. The fact that it wasn’t his fault that no one seemed to click with him, the fact that he wasn’t just unloveable.

As it turned out, all he needed was to try again with someone new.

Regulus dreaded the fact that their night was already coming to a close when he noticed James’s empty bowl and mug across the table- really, how did time seem to move so fast when all he wanted was for it to slow down?

Regulus moved like a sloth dumping his leftovers into the take-away box, if only to make it last longer.

Stuck in his own self-pity, he initially didn’t pay any mind to James’s sudden uptick in nervous energy as they picked up their things to leave. By the time they’d reached the door, though, James was fidgeting enough to make the hostess at the front ask if he was ok.

After James confirmed that he was in fact alright, Regulus leaned over to whisper, “But are you, though?”

“Mhm!” James nodded, a bit too forcefully. His glasses slid down his nose a bit, it was cute.

Regulus subconsciously reached up a hand to straighten them.

“Yeah! Yeah, I was just wond...” James stopped rambling as the frames were pushed back onto the bridge of his nose, a pretty, deep peach settling under his skin.

Realizing what he’d just done, Regulus snatched away his hand with an embarrassed cough, his face flushed with an equal intensity.

“You were wondering?” he pressed on, dutifully ignoring his own actions.

James blinked rapidly for a moment.

“Thanks…,” he breathed out before snapping back into reality.

“Oh yeah! There’s a record store down the road from here. I was wondering, since I know you have a CD collection, if you wanted to go? I totally understand if you just want to go back to the dorm and rest, we don’t have to-”

“Yes,” Regulus interrupted instantly. It was like James had read his mind in the most lovely, incredibly thoughtful way.

He felt almost dizzy with how well the night was going. Regulus couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that James had noticed such a small detail about him, and that he cared enough about it to cater one of their night’s events around that. Regulus’s CD’s were some of his prized possessions, his favorite things he owned, probably. They’d been there for him more than anything or anyone else had been- from the lowest of lows to the most celebrated highs, music was the one thing that really connected him to his emotions. And for James to take notice of how much he loved them was… something beyond words.

Regulus thought for the second time that night that he really wanted to kiss James.

“Yes- er, yeah. Yeah, That’d be nice,” he simply nodded instead, cringing at his own inability to speak.

“Really?! I mean, yeah? You’d wanna?” James’s whole face was disproportionately taken up by an uncontrollable smile- Regulus almost felt the need to look away so he didn’t do anything stupid.

“Mhm,” he nodded.

The walk to the record shop was quiet and peaceful; it reminded Regulus of when he’d watched James studying the night before his first game. It was a relaxed silence, like the sun setting.

For an October night in Vermont, it wasn’t too cold out either. Just the right amount of a cooling chill washed over them, lighting up their breaths in a soft mist in front of them.

The sky was crystal clear up above, save for the light pollution. Regulus couldn’t spot his own nor Sirius’s star, as it wasn’t the right time of year, but it was a gorgeous night, nonetheless.

“Are you up there?” James nearly whispered, as if hesitant to break the silence. He’d thoughtlessly tugged on Regulus’s hand to get his attention.

He panicked for a split second, not knowing how to respond to the touch. For some reason, the first thing that crossed his mind as a solution was , “ What would Dorcas say to do?”

Regulus supposed it was generally because he trusted her judgment more than most people’s.

What would Dorcas say, though? She’d definitely first take a moment to laugh at his panicked state, but then… she’d probably encourage him to do something stupid and brave.

He took a deep breath in, This one’s for you, Dorcas.

Regulus fully shifted their hands so that he was properly holding onto James’s, intertwining their fingers.

His cold skin prickled at the sudden warmth of the contact- James’s hand was dry and a little rough, but encapsulated his own smaller one so perfectly .

James sucked in a little breath, not quite gasping, then thankfully relaxed into the touch. Regulus silently thanked every higher power that didn't even believe in.

“No, I’m not yet,” he whispered back, “not till the late winter.”

“Mm, like Sirius?” James turned to him, eyes unreadable as they left the stars in the sky for the one on the ground.

“Yeah, though I beat him in rising,” Regulus smiled.

James let out a soft laugh, “And he sticks around longer?”

“Exactly,” he affirmed.

Regulus’s heart was honestly about to go into hyperdrive, so he brought their joined hands up to point at a pair of stars that were just breaking over the horizon line, trying to remain focused on a more comfortable subject.

“See those two close together, though?”

James looked back to the sky, “Er… yup, I think,” he nodded, eyes flickering between their hands and the stars.

Regulus tried to ignore that, “That’s the top of Orion, or, my dad.”

James cringed so severely that Regulus had to laugh.

“Hate that guy,” he said with his face still scrunched up, dropping their hands back down to swing between them.

“Join the club,” Regulus huffed humorlessly, “I’ve always liked his constellation, though.”

James thought about that for a second, then gave Regulus that godforsaken look again.

It was utterly devastating, even in the dark. How could one man destroy all of Regulus’s will power with just a look?

“That’s really nice,” he said at last, “Tell me why, though? I want to hear your reasoning.”

James really wasn’t going to make breathing easy tonight, was he?

“Well… okay, have you ever read A Picture of Dorian Gray?” James nodded in agreement, which honestly surprised Regulus, but he went on, “Including the Preface?”

James smiled guiltily at that, of course he hadn’t. Regulus thought James would be the type of person to jump straight into the main plot of a book, probably before even knowing what it was about, so he could apply his own meaning to it. It wasn’t how Regulus would do it, but it intrigued him nonetheless.

“Well, “ he explained, “ in the Preface, there's a line that says ‘ ,Those who find ugly meanings in beautiful things are corrupt without being charming, This is a fault.’,” he quoted.

“Stars- well, the stars never hurt me, did they? The stars are just beautiful things, existing as beautiful things. Just because my father is named after them, doesn’t mean that his ugliness should be applied to them. Also, it’s just the easiest to find.”

James snorted at the contrastingly simple, off-hand comment.

“Do you know how funny you are, Reg?”

“Of course I do,” he deadpanned in return.

James doubled over in a full belly laugh, never letting go of Regulus’s hand.

When he calmed down though, he said, “Seriously, though- that’s a really nice way of thinking about that. It’s admirable, really, that you can still make that separation after everything. Like, I’d definitely be cussing out the stars if I were you,” he flashed a grin.

Now it was Regulus’s turn to double over laughing, “that’s a lovely mental image, actually,” he giggled.

“I’m a lovely mental image? Oh, you flatter me, Reg,” James flirted shamelessly, swinging their hands even more.

Regulus rolled his eyes, but he was giggling too much for it to have the desired effect, “Shut up .”

James squeezed on his hand, inlining his head a bit closer and slowing them to a stop on the sidewalk. Regulus could have sworn he’d seen his eyes skip over his lips for a second.

Upon realizing how close they were, Regulus sobered up from his laughter real fast, his heartbeat accelerating beyond healthy speeds.

“Make me,” James challenged so quietly that Regulus could barely hear it- or maybe that was just the volume of the blood rushing through his ears drowning him out.

“ Jamie,” he whispered in a breath, his eyes glued in place to James’s softly chapped lips.

Was this really happening? Was Regulus dreaming? He sort of wanted to pinch himself to test that theory, but couldn’t move.

Was James really implying that Regulus kiss him? It didn’t make sense, not at all- James had been so uncomfortable at the bar when Regulus had confessed to him.

Unless… Barty was right? Well that certainly wasn’t a sentence Regulus heard himself think very often. But was he?

James leaned down to press their foreheads together with a nervous gulp, making Regulus stupidly realize he’d just been staring the whole time.

“If you want to, at least, I mean there are sooo many ways to shut me up,” James began to ramble shakily, “like you could straight up shove me on the ground and kick me in the face, I would underst-”

Regulus cut him off by gently placing his palm over James’s mouth.

They just looked into each other's eyes for a second, taking in the moment. James’s eyes were so beautiful up this close, like two perfect shots of mocha. His eyelashes tickled the little freckle underneath his left eye.

Pretty,

Pretty,

Pretty.

Slowly and tenderly, Regulus shifted his weight to stand on his toes, and pressed a delicate kiss on the back of his hand, where it covered James’s mouth. Though their lips hadn’t made contact, both of them closed their eyes and leaned into the electricity that passed through the kiss ever so slightly.

“I'm going to move my hand, now,” Regulus said, still not removing his hand. "And then I think I'm going to kiss you."

James’s eyebrows raised for a moment. He gingerly reached to assist Regulus’s hand from his mouth for him, holding it like a precious piece of glass.

Seconds passed,-or minutes, or weeks- before Regulus had the courage to move. He was starting to think he’d messed up, that he’d read the moment wrong.

Oh, God,

Oh, God,

Oh, God-

“Would you like me to do it?” James cut through the thick silence at last, again with his look.There was not a hint of teasing or malice in his voice, only love.

Regulus froze again for a moment, then nodded.

"Yes-"

James kissed him, then.

James… kissed him. James kissed him .

JameskissedhimJameskissedhimJameskissedhimJameskissedhimJames-

I was warm, Regulus noticed first. Of course it was warm, he was being kissed by the sun.

At last, Regulus had grown past his vase, grown past the curtains, grown past the prison of his window. He’d taken root deep in an open field of sunshine, and he would never be dug out or severed at the stem again.

He felt as though he could survive a million forest fires, a million droughts, a million cold, harsh winters.

Regulus was a sunflower, and finally, he had the undivided attention of his sun.

Maybe he’d always had it in the first place, what a thought that was. Maybe he’d been too caught up in his own self-resentment to even look up and check.

Regulus leaned back into the kiss, a tender, loving thing.

He never wanted it to end. Regulus would drown in that kiss, if he could, just so he’d never have to leave it.

But of course, it eventually had to. James broke away first, a little out of breath.

"I've wanted to do that for weeks," he panted, lovesick, "I-I really like you, Reg," he confessed.

Regulus let out a shaky breath of relief, "You really mean it?"

"Of course, love. Wouldn't have kissed you if I didn't" he bumped their noses together with a chuckle.

“Promise?” Regulus tilted his lips back up so they just barely brushed James’s, smiling wider than he thought he was capable of.

James mirrored the smile back against the touch.

“Promise.”

Chapter 13: I, Carrion (Icarian)

Chapter Text

James POV:

The funny thing is, they almost forgot to even go to the record store.

James would have been content just standing on that one sidewalk square with Regulus for the rest of his life, holding him close, kissing him .

Yes, that was new. Oh yes, yes, that was new, and James was consumed by it. For once he was not the all-destroying force of a black-hole sun, but instead they were a stellar merger- the sun and its star colliding to create an ethereally bright supernova in the midst of outer space.

But Regulus, ever the more grounded of the two, eventually found his way back to Earth.

“We should get going, before it gets too late,” he breathed, an angelic smile hovering over James’s own. Seeing Regulus so soft was another thing that James was pleasantly still getting used to. Over the weeks he could see the ice chip and melt away little by little, but nothing compared to the way Regulus melted into James that night. James could always tell that there was a much sweeter someone hiding beneath the layers and layers of his near-perfect facade; little things like keeping Sirius’s letters on his walls, or finding comfort in a tiny black cat stuffed animal showed that. But now, James’s predictions were proven solely as undeniable facts. If someone had told him Regulus really was made of stardust, he’d have believed it.

The version of Regulus that James had the privilege of meeting had the most gorgeous, gentle smile that he insisted on shielding from the undeserving world with his hand, his glares were made of cotton instead of daggers, and even through all of his teasing insults, you could tell so easily how much Regulus cared- how beautifully compassionate he was. He danced and laughed to his favorite music, he wrote pretty poetry, he dried flowers and strung garlands; James would go on for hours if ever given the chance to talk about all of the little things that made Regulus so inherently wonderful.

“Suppose we should,” he replied, still dopily smiling, encapsulated in a bubble of affection.

A twinkle glimmered in the star’s eyes- Pretty, James thought. Regulus’s face was caught in a mischievous look, like a child sneaking extra sweets.

“Race you,” he said, barely above a whisper, then turning to dash down the street in a lovely fit of giggles.

“Hey!” James laughed along behind him, shortly catching up being both the taller one by several inches and an athlete. He still let Regulus take the lead, though.

Once again it was proved to James that he would always be surprised by Regulus Black, and hoped with all of his might that he’d never stop being surprised by him.

By the time they reached the record shop- a quaint little hole-in-the-wall called ‘Weasley Spun”, the pun making James huff a laugh every time - Regulus was out of breath, doubled over to holding himself up on his knees. His grin was still firmly in place.

“Jesus I might actually f*cking die,” he dramatically gasped in a breath, “I won, though.”

James chuckled, “Yeah, you did, love.”

It really should have been more of an awkward transition from just friends- just roommates , really- to so much more, James thought. Every other person he’d been with romantically had had their fair share of stilted silences and hesitant touches before being fully comfortable with the new developments. That was normal, though, with any new couple trying to figure out how to exist as so.

Were he and Regulus a couple, now? James put the thought to the side for the time being. They could figure out all the details of their new dynamic later.

His point was, that with Regulus, everything progressed so naturally. The terms of endearment slipped from his mouth as easily as breathing, as if Regulus was crafted just for James to call him Reg or love . Even kissing him was a paradox of feeling like something James had done a million times over, and at the same time, clumsily new . It just felt right.

The shop bell pleasantly dinged as James held the door open for Regulus to walk in, with a flourish. Regulus arched a playful eyebrow at him as he walked past, but his expression immediately shifted upon seeing the rows and rows of CDs and vinyls lining the shop.

They spent the better part of an hour individually flipping through all of the CDs under Regulus’s favorite artists, James prompting him to explain everything he loved about each album that caught his eye. Regulus hesitated at first, still a bit quiet- maybe feeling nervous still from the kiss?- but by the time they reached the “ H” section, he was excitedly rambling on and on about the music.

He and James were huddled close to each other, feeling like two magnets finally having the chance to click as they explored the little shop. James saw the two workers- a couple not much older than them, who seemed to be the shop owners as well- coo at them from the corner, the woman mouthing something like ‘ young love’.

For some reason, that’s what made it hit James. Just how fully and completely in love with Regulus he was.

He stared at the man in front of him, taking in every tiny freckle on his nose, every sparkling glint in his peridot eyes, every tiny brush of a hand against James’s jacket as he waved them around in excitement. All of it, all of him; James was so in love with it all.

Catching James staring, Regulus cut himself off with a blush.

“ Sorry, I’m rambling,” he shifted self-consciously.

“Hm? What? No! No, I love to hear you talk! I was just thinking of something,” he cringed at himself when Regulus’s lips turned in a slight frown.

“Wow, I just made myself sound like a prick- the something was you!” He quickly corrected his mistake.

Regulus furrowed his brows for a moment, then started to laugh, “Oh God,” he cackled, “you’re such an idiot .”

“I think you mean intellectual . Only a genius would think of such beautiful things,” James waggled his eyebrows at Regulus.

“Oh, shut up,” Regulus smiled, giggling.

“Again, feel free to make me any time,” he winked.

“You’re insufferable.”

“You’re adorable.”

“Knife. Under. Pillow. I told you, Jamie.”

“Who knows, maybe I’m into that,” he winked again.

Regulus’s mouth hung open in confusion, “Why do I like you, again?”

James gasped overdramatically.

“Gasp!” he said aloud, “Regulus Black likes me!”

Regulus’s eyes softened, “Of course I do, wouldn’t have kissed you if I didn’t,” he parroted James’s words back to him.

Of course I do, he said. Of course I do.

“f*ck, put those things away,” Regulus suddenly said, sounding positively mortified.

James was startled into a laugh, “What?”

“The tears- they’re welling in your eyes,” Regulus actually physically recoiled, “ Put those things away.”

James wiped roughly at his eyes with a little chuckle, “Can’t help it, I’m a sappy motherf*cker and you’re just so sweet.”

“Knife, Jamie,” Regulus warned again, red creeping into his cheeks this time. James wanted to hold them.

Ignoring the threat, James circled back to his train of thought.

“But yes, where was I? Ah, yes. It occurred to me whilst I stood, thinking about you amongst these fine CDs -” he started in a silly fancy voice.

“Why are you talking like that?”

“-that it is of utmost importance for me to know the name of the tune which caused your jovial mood that first September eve we met?”

Regulus’s eyes widened at the memory, “Wait- you saw that?” he sounded horrified.

James was confused for a second, he’d already told Regulus that once, he thought? At the Hog’s Head-

Oh. That was why.

James doubled over in laughter, which was really not helping the color draining from Regulus’s already pale face.

“ Oh , God-” he struggled to catch his breath, “ I forgot that you wouldn’t remember that I told you. We had this conversation once already, at the Hog’s Head.”

Regulus had the tiniest of flinches at that, but sighed, “Well that’s just fantastic , isn’t it.”

“It really was,” James replied dreamily, “You’re an amazing dancer.”

Regulus glared at him.

“And surely, I at least have the right to know what song was playing the moment I fell in love with you, it’s special you know? “ he continued, mindlessly.

Regulus froze, looking at James with big eyes.

“Say that again,” he whispered the demand.

“I’d like to know what song was playing the moment I fell in love with you?” James repeated, still not getting why Regulus had reacted the way he did.

Reg sucked in a harsh breath, “You… you love me?” he asked, nothing but wonder and awe painted masterfully on his face.

James’s heart leapt in his chest- Oh.

“Yeah,” he exhaled with a smile, now understanding, “ Yeah , I do .”

“ ‘Someone New ’”, Regulus answered, his words made of clouds.

James snapped out of his own daze and tilted his head.

Someone new? What did that mean?

“The song, ‘ Someone New,’ by Hozier,” Regulus clarified.

He then flipped quickly behind the aforementioned musician’s tab in the CD bin to pull out the one with that track on it, pointing it out on the back.

Forget leaping, James’s heart took off, soaring towards the heavens. That was his favorite song on that album.

“I love Hozier,” he beamed, absolutely giddy, “that one’s actually my favorite track, too.”

Regulus smiled back, a hesitant beam of starlight breaking through.

“No way. You’re just lying to impress me, aren’t you?”

“Am not! Quiz me!” James insisted, covering his eyes pointlessly, seeing as Regulus had not yet stated the nature of the quiz.

Regulus guided his hand back down with his own, looking up at James with such fondness.

“Hmmm…” he humored James, holding the CD to his chest “What’s the sixth song on the album.”

James thought for a moment, “‘ In a Week’ ?”

Regulus made a buzzer noise with his mouth; James’s answer was incorrect.

“Wrong, its ‘From Eden ’.”

James groaned, “Ok, make the quiz easier.”

“You can’t tell me what to do,” Regulus smirked, sticking out his tongue, “But ok, I’ll give you an easier one. Because I want to, of course.”

James snorted, “Of course.”

Regulus bit his lip in thought.

“‘ There’s an art to life’s distraction…’” he quoted in a light voice, almost singing but not quite.

“‘ To somehow escape the burning weight, the art of scraping through,’” James finished the lyric without missing a beat.

Regulus gave a begrudged smile, “Alright, you pass.”

“Woo!” James threw up his arms victoriously.

Regulus shook his head at him.

“ Mignon,” he muttered in French- something both he and Sirius did from time to time.

It was safe to say Regulus speaking French had a much different effect on James, though.

“What’s that?” James asked, blushing before he even understood.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Reg teased, turning to look through the next shelf of CD’s.

*******

Regulus POV

By the time they got back to their dorm for the night, Regulus was soaring . Nevermind escaping the drowning enclosure of his vase, nevermind being planted in the ground- Regulus was right up there in the sky, closer to the sun than he ever had been.

It was wonderful to be with James in this way, to not feel the burden of his secret affection weigh down every word exchanged. Now, everything was out there. The flowers were starting to bloom again.

He’d felt more drawn to James’s side than he ever felt, as if something was compelling him to stay as close as possible- gravity. And for the first time in Regulus’s life, he wasn’t scared to let someone else have that control over him.

He trusted James, which was taking a crazy leap of faith for Regulus to admit. The only other person in the world he truly trusted was Sirius, if he disregarded himself. He could see that James truly only had the purest of intentions with anybody he came in contact with. The sun only knew one language, and that was to shine.

Regulus unlocked their door with his free hand, the other occupied with his bag of newly purchased CD’s and his takeaway box.

Back at the record shop, James had noticed Regulus’s excitement when he’d found the albums and refused to leave until Regulus allowed him to buy them for him. After much protest, Regulus finally gave in and handed them over. It was odd, having someone want to do nice things for Regulus, simply because they liked him.

Loves me , Regulus reminded himself, the thought making him giddy, James loves me.

He set down the bag on the desk and carefully unloaded each case, laying them out in a perfect fan to marvel at.

“Unreal, Unearth,” by Hozier, “Electric Warrior,” by T.Rex, and “ Ill” by The Lumineers were laid before him as he traced lightly over the covers of each.

“ Thank you, again,” Regulus looked up to James sincerely, “Tonight was…”

“Horrible? Terrible? The worst night of your life,” James teased with a smirk, though you could see some of the anxiety he was trying to hide lurking behind his gaze.

“Honestly,” Regulus looked back down at the CD’s, fidgeting with his hands as he allowed a peaceful smile to play on his lips, “I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy in my life.”

“Oh God , love . Don’t make me cry,” James wiped at his eyes, which were in fact welling up with tears.

Regulus chuckled lightly, “Everything makes you cry, you sap. You literally admitted to crying during Charlie Brown’s Halloween Special.”

“He got a rock! On Halloween! That’s devastating!” James defended himself, “An actual betrayal!”

Regulus rolled his eyes playfully, settling down on his bed, “Only you, mon ange .”

James’s face reddened instantly, “You’ve gotta stop doing that.”

“I could’ve just called you a rat’s asshole and you would have liked it, huh?”

“Well, did you?”

Regulus snorted, “ No, I did not.”

James beamed, “What did you say, then?”

Regulus rose a telling eyebrow, conveying to James that he would not be sharing.

James threw his head back with a sigh, “You drive me crazy, Regulus Black.”

“Mm, that’s the goal,” Regulus shot back, ignoring his heart tripping over itself at James’s comment, “I’ll get you sent off to the psych ward so I never have to see you again.”

James smiled sweetly at him, “Or you could just use that knife of yours- much more efficient really, don’t you think?”

Regulus hummed, feigning considering it with deep thought, “Not sure I’d like to deal with all the blood, thanks.”

James sat down perpendicularly in front of him on the bed, his feet still touching the ground while Regulus had his legs pulled into a ball- chin resting on his knees.

He leaned into Regulus’s calves gently, looking up at him at an odd angle above his glasses frames.

“And that’s the only reason?” James batted his long eyelashes stupidly, “Just the blood?”

Regulus swallowed, his brain looping static.

“Mhm.”

Suddenly coming aware of himself, James pulled back a little from Regulus, making some of the static subside.

“This ok?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I think so,” Regulus nodded, “Here, you can…” he shifted over on the small mattress, making enough space for James to lay beside him, and pat the sheets.

James gave Regulus a soft look, shifting into a more comfortable position next to him.

Regulus sighed contentedly, melting into the small mattress as well so that they were both laying, facing each other.

“Hi,” James whispered- something only able to be heard in their close proximity- his eyes drifting to Regulus’s lips.

“Hi,” he breathed out in response, and let his eyelids flutter closed.

They just layed like that, close to each other for a while. The only noise that washed over them was the gentle puffs of their breathing, contrasting with the rushing of blood in their ears from accelerating heartbeats.

Regulus inched his head forward ever so slightly so that their foreheads touched; ink black strands intertwined with dark chocolate coils of hair against the white of his pillowcase. They were like a painting, brushstrokes entwining them together.

James nuzzled into the small touch, their noses brushing lightly. When Regulus at last opened his eyes, a pair of askew, golden glasses frames and the sparse dusting of freckles across caramel skin greeted him.

Pretty, pretty, pretty.

The way James looked at him made Regulus wish he were water- a liquid that could soak into James’s skin, that would always take the shape of its container so that he’d always fit by James’s side. The mere inches between them suddenly felt like far too much space.

“Come here,” Regulus said- the gravity of the sun making it impossible to stay away- as he pulled James closer, so that his head fell in the crook of his neck. Regulus burrowed his chin into the top of his head, soft curls tickling his face.

He inhaled, exhaled. James smelled like the first days of summer, the warmth of his arms around Regulus only serving to compliment this. The citrusy smell of his shampoo overwhelmed Regulus’s senses, the sort of thawing nostalgia that made him sleepy, safe . Yes, James was safe.

“You smell like oranges,” Regulus verbalized, then suddenly felt a bit odd for making the statement.

What if James thought that was weird? Or creepy? What if he already felt trapped, and didn’t want this?

A tickle of a laugh brushed against Regulus’s neck, the sensation breaking him out of his insecurities. Infact, the only thought in his brain now was how maddeningly close James’s mouth was to his skin. Thank god James couldn’t see the deep blush that bloomed over his face.

“You know, Reg, you never stop surprising me. Everything you say is impossible to predict. I think that’s lovely.”

Regulus’s breath hitched for a moment before he buried his whole face into James’s head. How could he just say things like that, so easily?

“The knife is inches from my hand,” Regulus replied for a lack of proper words, coming out muffled through James’s hair.

James chuckled again- really not assisting in Regulus’s composure- and thought for a moment.

“You smell like… home.”

Regulus moved his head down at that, so that their foreheads touched again. A swarm of bees made its home in his ribs, buzzing delightfully.

He was confident that James was just trying to kill him at that point, because yes. That's what James felt like to him, too. Regulus didn’t have much to compare too, his house never quite being a home, but he thought that James must’ve been it. Home.

“You can’t just say things like that,” he breathed against James’s lips, his eyes stuck to them.

They twitched up into a subtle smirk, “Yeah? And why’s that, love-”

Regulus barely let him get the words out before closing the space between them. It was more fierce than their kiss outside the record shop, more demanding, more needing.

Regulus rolled them over slightly, twisting so that just his torso hovered over James’s, deepening the kiss as he stabilized himself , hands on either side of James’s head.

James leaned up into it, matching Regulus with equal force. When Regulus eventually pulled away, out of breath, James chased his lips with his own. His face was slightly flushed beneath Regulus’s and his eyes were full of only stars.

“I’d take that consequence anyday,” he rasped, grinning.

Regulus rolled his eyes and shoved James lightly, flopping back down onto the bed- but couldn’t stop his own smile from spreading across his face

*******

Dorcas gasped loudly, slapping her hands over her mouth.

“You what? ” she stopped in the middle of the hall, shaking Regulus by the shoulders. They were walking towards the dining hall for lunch after their creative writing class, in which Regulus had uncharacteristically been zoning out during. Dorcas obviously noticed the change in behavior, being as irritatingly observant as she was. And since Regulus sort of owed last night to her, he felt obligated to be truthful.

“ Regulus ! That’s amazing!”

“ Shh,” he shushed harshly, “ I don’t need the whole f*cking world knowing about my love life,” he scoffed.

Dorcas squealed a little less obnoxiously, much to Regulus’s relief, “Beans has a love life! Ack!”

Regulus looked to the sky, glaring at the ceiling, “I knew telling you was a bad idea.”

“You’d go insane without me,” she ruffled his hair, pushing his head to the side goodnaturedly.

Regulus batted at her hand, attempting to smooth his hair back into place and sighed.

“Yeah, suppose you aren’t completely wrong. I should say thanks, by the way.”

Dorcas looked at him, confused.

“For what? Existing? Because I really should be thanked for that more often,” she nodded solemnly.

Regulus fought the urge to groan, “No, not exactly.”

“Psh, rude.”

Regulus had to fight himself to force out his next words. It’s not like he didn’t want to thank Dorcas for being such a supportive friend, for lending him her bravery without even knowing it- he just wasn’t used to, well, thanking people.

Not in the way that made him a total asshole- Regulus would always show his appreciation where it was deserved- but it was more just that Regulus was used to being self-sufficient.

His parents raised him to not thank others so loosely, as to not surrender any ‘ power’ to them- it was a habit that Regulus was avidly trying to undo. Of course, the rule didn’t apply to his parents themselves, who were always to be thanked for providing even the most basic necessities, but Regulus could hardly count that as a genuine display of gratefulness.

No, Regulus wanted to be genuine. Dorcas deserved to know the impact she’d had on his life. She was probably the first person that Regulus had ever considered a friend, the first person he came out to, the first person to make him feel bold.

He took a deep breath in, avoiding eye contact.

“I wanted to thank you, I guess, for not giving up on me… even though I’m a bit of a prick.”

Her face softened, “Aww, Beans.”

“And you- you don’t talk down to me. You make me want to be the person you treat me like, like someone worth being around- and no, don’t give me that look or you’re never getting thanked for anything again.”

Dorcas snorted, but let him continue.

“You… lent me your confidence last night. I wanted to do something, something brave. And I wouldn’t have if I’d never met you. So yeah… thank you.”

“God, I thought you were supposed to cook beans, not let Beans cook ,” Dorcas pretended to sniffle and wipe a tear from her eye, “I’m glad I could be there for you.”

Regulus rolled his eyes at the pun, but linked their arms together, “Glad I have you too, or whatever.”

Dorcas huffed a laugh, “Or whatever.”

*******

Peter POV

He’d done it.

It had taken hours, days to complete, but everything was finally ready. He looked over every photo nearly a hundred times, touching up his work so it was absolutely perfect, untraceable.

Now all Peter had to do was hit send.

His plan would go like this: James was a far too trusting person, almost to a fault. Peter knew that anybody who followed James on Instagram, he would follow back. There were many times when James would embarrassedly freak out about having accidentally followed back p*rn bots. Anybody would think he would have learned his lesson after the first five, but that was James for you- never wanting to leave anyone out.

So, Peter did his research on Regulus, digging deep enough to find what high school he used to attend. That was probably the most difficult part, since Regulus had virtually no social media presence; Peter managed to find him though, through an academic award on a poem he wrote, recognized by the school.

Once he’d found that piece of information, Peter scrolled through a few more pages of Regulus’s former classmates, trying to find one whom he would absolutely never interact with. He decided on a right-wing, fish-holding, football player named Caradoc Dearborn. He was in Regulus’s graduating class, so if James brought up who the message was from, Regulus would at least recognize the name and not think to trace it back to Peter.

Peter had made an entire fake account under Caradoc’s name, screenshotting his photos and posting them. He’d falsely detailed in the bio that Caradoc was coincidentally attending Hogwarts University, and had even photoshopped one of the pictures so that he was sitting under a tree in the front lawn, instead of his own backyard.

Actually, Peter had used photoshop quite a bit in the whole ordeal. The thing he was most proud of was the actual messages he was going to send James.

It was a bit tricky at first to make all of the words flow together seamlessly, so that they didn’t just look like a mismatched patchwork of ideas taken out of context. But once Peter got the hang of it, he was able to create a flawless image of a brand new diary entry in Regulus’s handwriting. Realigning that stupid signature on the bottom of the page was the twisted cherry on top.

At last, he had the final image.

After looking it over for the final time, Peter opened up his phone, clicking on the app. He quickly typed James’s handle into the search bar, hesitating for a moment before hitting follow.

Checkmate.

*******

James POV

James’s phone pinged in his pocket on his way back from class- maybe it was Peter sending him the pictures of the flowers from his project.

Maybe it's Regulus , he thought, heart fluttering. Secretly James had been watching his phone all day, especially Regulus’s contact. Every now and then James would see text bubbles begin to be typed, then Regulus would change his mind and rewrite the message, only to delete it again. It was adorable.

But alas, it was neither. On his screen was an Instagram notification from an account he didn’t recognize. The profile picture looked friendly enough, (seeing as there was an actual face instead of just a cropped bikini picture- James was trying to learn from his past mistakes) so he followed back.

He put his phone back in his pocket, enjoying the crisp, autumn air on his walk. The leaves were mostly all fallen off the trees at that point, covering the ground in a colorful collage of reds, yellows, and browns. Most importantly, the school had begun decorating for Halloween- James’s third favorite holiday after Christmas and Valentine’s Day. Hogwarts always did a fantastic job with their festivities- wrapping the trees in fairy lights with spooky shapes for the bulbs, hanging fabric ghosts about the campus, and even the occasional skeleton was left hanging around.

James’s phone buzzed again, it was a message from the same account. He frowned, Sirius would make fun of him so hard if he’d accidentally followed back another p*rn bot.

For a split second, he was relieved to see that the message was actually phrased like a human being wrote it, no 18+ anywhere in sight, but his eyebrows furrowed in confusion at the first message sent.

caradoc🏈:

hey! im caradoc, i used to go to school with yur roommate, regulus right? we didn’t really know each other but i recognized him when he dropped his journal in the dining hall. totally didn’t mean to snoop! it was opened on a page already, but im sorta glad i read it. so sorry to be the one to break it to you like this man :/

Break what to him? James’s heart sped up a bit, not sure what to expect. Weirdly his first thought was that Regulus was part of some sort of evil, underground organization committing crime- but quickly dismissed the far-fetched idea.

James’s confusion was put to rest as an image came in a moment later, a picture of the page in Regulus’s diary. He recognized the handwriting immediately, as well as catching Regulus’s telltale signature ‘R.A.B’ at the bottom. This Cardoc guy was really legit, huh?

James felt an immediate pang of guilt about having access to some of Regulus’s most private thoughts right in front of him. He would’ve clicked out of the chat without reading, if not for the next message.

<attachment: 1 image>

this must suck for you dude, guess you never know your real friends :/

What was this guy on about? Surely Regulus would never write anything bad about anyone else, he was too good for that. James liked to think, especially himself. He thought he was really starting to get somewhere with the younger Black, particularly so after the night before.

Cringing at himself, James let his curiosity get the best of him, tapping unsurely on the image to expand it to full size.

James’s heart dropped as he read.

“Really, the only thing I would complain about is having James as my roommate- death couldn't be worse. He’s a total mess, and our room looks horrendous. I’m just not sure how this whole arrangement will work out.

Maybe if I try my best not to exist, he won't notice me anymore

Besides, I’m still working out whether I should hate him or not (the close quarters are, once again, not helping). I really should, given the fact that he encapsulates everything I despise in a person, added onto my admittedly complex feelings about him and Sirius.

He’s definitely a mess, and our room really does look like sh*t, the filthy f*ck. He wreaks havoc with so much confidence, doesn’t he get enough attention as it is?

I feel like I have no choice but to at least tolerate him after he took Sirius in. I tried, I really did, but I've known for a long while that the world is not, and will never be, in my favor.

So maybe this will all be a disaster. Maybe James will be a thorn in my side for the rest of the year, and that this year is going to be worse than I ever could have imagined.

R.A.B.”

It didn’t make sense.

It didn’t make sense.

But it was real. That was Regulus’s handwriting, that was Regulus’s signature . James even recognized the black leather cover of the journal peeking out from behind the familiar pages.

Regulus had written that. He’d written that about James.

It hurt, it hurt , letting Regulus in like that, only to find out how he really felt. Sirius had told James about his family being a bunch of manipulators, was Regulus just like them? Was it all some sort of act?

James tensed at the thought, he knew Regulus to be a damn good actor when he wanted to be.

He was swimming in it all, the confusion, the denial, the truth.

The line “... added onto my admittedly complex feelings about him and Sirius,” rang over again in James’s head.

Oh. Was that what all of this was about? Sirius?

James laughed bitterly to himself, remembering all the times he assured Sirius when he had first been kicked out that his little brother would understand, that he wouldn’t feel betrayed.

From the first day they met, James could see that Regulus was possessive of his big brother, practically glued to his side whenever he was around- James had just thought Regulus would be more mature than to stoop to this level.

James was wrong to assume the high horse he sat on was just a defense mechanism, someone climbing onto higher ground to avoid drowning.

Turns out that James once again overestimated someone. He had a flaw of seeing a goodness in others that wasn’t there, and it always came crumbling back down on him, didn’t it?

He was so done, so done being the optimistic one in a cruel world. People only saw the bright, bubbly side of this trait, never considering how soul crushing it could be to face the same brand of disappointment over and over again.

James took off his glasses and scrubbed his hands over his face harshly, wiping away the frustrated, angry tears that had streaked down his face. Once he’d put his glasses back in place, he typed out a quick, “Thanks .” to Caradoc and shoved his phone back into his back pocket.

*******

Regulus POV

“I could have loved you, girl, like a planet

I could’ve chained your heart to a star”

Regulus breathed a deep breath out, sinking into his pillow. Just yesterday, James had been right where he was laying- he probably wouldn’t have believed it if his scent didn’t linger on the pillowcase.

He placed the black cat over his chest, calmed by the slight weight of it, and let the smooth, calming tones of “ Life’s a Gas” wash over him.

Regulus had been a bit anxious all day that he’d suddenly wake up and all that happened would’ve been a dream. He’d even pinched himself a couple of times to test the theory (and let Barty pinch him too, for the hell of it).

A few times, he’d picked up his phone and started typing messages to James, ranging from “ I love you, too ,” to “ Was last night a mistake for you?” but ultimately, he decided on not sending any of them. Talking to James in person was how he preferred it, anyways.

As if on cue, James opened their door, walking directly to his bed without a glance at Regulus. Instead, he sat straight down on his bed and pulled out his laptop to study, pulling his headphones over his ears.

Anxiety started to crawl into Regulus’s chest- that was odd .

Not that he expected James to act any sort of way, or even always be in the mood to talk, but James was typically a very predictable person.

Every single day since they moved in together, James greeted him with a, “Hey, Reg!” once he appeared back in their dorm.

Regulus’s mind was overwhelmed with a sudden onslaught of catastrophizing. Was it his fault? Did James hate him, now? What if he regretted ever kissing Regulus, but didn’t know how to get out of it?

He took a shaky breath in, no . He could handle this calmly, he was an adult. James was not his mother, he would never raise his hand to Reg for saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. The world wasn’t going to end.

Removing one headphone, he turned into James’s line of sight, motioning for him to do the same.

James set his jaw in frustration, but slid off one headphone stiffly.

“What,” he bit out, his tone cold.

Regulus flinched a bit, but kept his composure. James was just having a bad day, he told himself.

“What’s wrong, Jamie?” he whispered, heart pounding through his ribs.

It was James's turn to flinch as the nickname left Regulus's lips.

“Don’t call me that.”

“Sorry,” Regulus’s chest felt tight, just yesterday James seemed to love the nickname.

What had changed?

“Does anything have to be the matter? I’m just studying,” James brushed him off with a scowl. It looked wrong on his face.

“No, no…, sorry,” he apologized again, “I just wanted to make sure you were alright-”

“Why are you pretending that you care?” James snapped loudly, making Regulus freeze in his skin.

He laughed, manic, with anger flashing bright behind his eyes.

The question had pushed Regulus too close to the sun, no amount of walls could protect him now from burning up in its wrath.

“Why are you doing this to me Regulus? Why?” James demanded, shoving his computer off of his lap.

Regulus began to hyperventilate, the anxiety winning over. He was so, so confused. What had he done, what had he done, what had he done?

He didn’t know what James was talking about, he did care. Almost too much. So much that it hurt.

What he did know was that James was upset, and it was all because of him.

James kept going.

“Oh, you’re funny . You’re so quick to write down everything that's wrong with everyone else, but the moment someone calls you out on it, you can’t handle it. ”

Regulus looked up at him desperately, pleading with his eyes.

The only word he could manage was, “ James-”

“No!” he yelled, pressing his hands against his nose, pushing his glasses up. “You know, the worst part is, I still feel guilty for reading it.”

Regulus’s heart stopped in his chest, “Reading what?” he murmured so quietly, he didn’t even think James heard it.

“I got a little message today, y’know that?” James paced back and forth as if not sure where to place all of his emotions, “Kid named Caradoc, ring any bells? You went to school with him, yeah?”

Regulus did go to school with a Caradoc, but what did he have to do with anything? Regulus didn’t even know him in school. And why was he messaging James about him?

“I never even talked to Caradoc, please , James, what is this,” he begged, hot tears spilling over his cheeks.

Regulus hated this, he hated this. This is why he had walls, this is why he didn’t let anybody in.

Everything was too much, too sudden, too confusing all at once. He was hyper aware of every sensation. The wetness on his face, the fabric under his hands, the blood in his skin, the drowning weight of food in his stomach.

“Don’t pretend you don't know exactly what you wrote about me!” James shouted, pausing in his step to look Regulus dead in the eyes.

“What you wrote, Regulus-” James’s eyes welled up with angry tears, “The things that you said about me are not okay. Especially after how you acted last night. People are not your toys , for God’s sake! I’m not a toy!”

Regulus was at a loss for what to do. How did he make this better, how did he fix this .

You couldn’t fix something if you didn’t know what was broken in the first place.

“I really wanted to believe that it wasn’t true, Regulus, but dammit , it was right in front of me! Clear as f*cking day!”

“James, I-”

“What was last night, then? Huh ? Really, what was that, Reg?,” he growled, “You know, I really thought that I’d finally begun to figure you out. I thought I was breaking past your walls, that you were letting me in” he huffed, shaking his head in disappointment.

“I thought, so f*cking childishly, that I was finally meeting the real you, but this ?” James turned up his palms at Regulus, waving aggressively, “Those were your private f*cking thoughts, Regulus! That was the real you!”

Regulus was struck numb- this couldn’t be real, it couldn’t be. He was in a nightmare again, right? Someone wake him up, please someone. Wake. Him. Up.

“I’ve wasted all of this time trying to get to know you, and you know what? I think I have you all figured out now! You’re just-” a sob escaped James’s throat, “You’re just a jealous kid, who couldn’t handle someone else being friends with his big brother.”

“ What?”

“That’s what all of this is, is it not? A big ‘ revenge’ plan against me for ‘ stealing’ Sirius from you,” he bit out, mockingly punctuating the words the air quotes, “When were you gonna do it, then? Were you waiting until after I confessed how f*cking in love with you I fell to drop the bomb? You were just going to what? Lead me in to break my heart?”

“ Please-”

“Well guess what, Regulus!? It f*cking worked!”

James snatched his keys off of the desk and stomped towards the door before Regulus even had time to process. James opened it up, stormed out, and slammed it back in place, making Regulus jump.

Then, it was all quiet. Absolute silence, ringing in his ears a million times louder than James could ever shout.

The first sob punched out of him so violently it hurt, but then they just kept coming.

The universe really did hate him, it was so cruel to allow everything to be so right one moment, just to tear it all back down with double the force.

Regulus had finally taken root in the ground, he’d finally done it .

But he never accounted for the day that the sun exploded.

He picked up his other headphone, sticking it back into his ear. The same song was still playing.

“ No it really doesn’t matter at all,

No it really doesn't matter at all,

Life’s a gas.”

Regulus changed the CD, replacing Electric Warrior with Unreal, Unearth , and skipping to the only song that felt right.

“We'll float away, but if we fall

I only pray, don't fall away from me.”

Chapter 14: Unknown/ Nth

Chapter Text

Regulus POV

Regulus had burned through the album two… maybe three times, skipping to only listen to the sad songs. He knew that this was not aiding his already abysmal mood, but wallowing in his music was the only way he knew how to process.

The fact that it was one of the CDs James had bought him the night before only added to the bitterness of it all. Another scrape of the sharp, jagged blade against the ice, carving him into a cold, dark hole.

He didn’t even know what he’d done, but he knew it was all his fault. It reminded him of when he was a small child, and his mother would start berating him without proper reason. Helpless.

How could he be sorry if he didn’t know what he was supposed to be sorry for?

But he was this time.

He was so, so sorry, because he knew James must have had a good reason. He was nothing like Regulus’s mother, he was kind and loyal and inherently good.

So Regulus would be pleading for forgiveness on his hands and knees for the rest of his life if he had to, asking every deity he’d ever heard the name of to save him, please save them .

Them. He and James. The sun and its flower.

Regulus was too swept up by the brightness, the warmth of his love, to ever even consider the day the sun was set to explode and absorb everything in its wake along with it.

Of course he knew James was human; he had complex, simple, fragile, strong, sweet and bitter emotions like the rest of the planet. He knew that James cared a bit too much to mask those feelings from the world, as if that’d make them go away. Regulus was guilty of that habit himself, and he liked to think he had understood James in that way.

It was just that everything had been so perfect just the night before.

But, as it turned out, there didn’t need to be a windy storm or a natural disaster in warning. The sun would simply explode one day, faster than anybody could blink or even come to terms with what was happening.

It would be the most pleasant day- the flowers would be thriving, the winds the perfect temperature to lay back in the grass and watch the dew drops fall from petal to soil.

And then it would all be singed to nothing.

“It ain’t the being alone…

It ain’t the empty home, baby…

You know I do good on my own,

It’s more just the being unknown…”

As if mimicking his own thoughts, a single teardrop raced down his cheek and sank into the corner of his lips. It left a salty taste.

Regulus had sobbed and sobbed for quite a while after James had stormed out, but now all he felt was numb.

His worst fear in life had always been being known. He went to extensive lengths to avoid it.

The more people knew about him, the more they could use against him, and the more people knew about him, the less in control he was of peoples’ perceptions of him. And Regulus thrived on control.

God, how did he let things get so out of control?

He couldn’t understand what James could have read that ignited such a feeling of betrayal. He didn’t remember writing anything about James that would instigate that response. In fact, what he typically wrote about James was embarrassingly sappy and loving.

He just wanted to understand James again, and for James to understand him. That’s what they did, they understood each other, right?

But James had justified Regulus’s fear of letting people know him..

As much as it had surprised Regulus, all he had longed for was for James to know him, really know him . And he was getting there too, allowing James in through his walls one brick at a time.

But now all Regulus felt was raw and exposed; flesh viciously torn into without mercy, walls simultaneously crumbling down and building themselves up taller than before.

Regulus felt completely unknown once more. Empty.

Dread pooled in his gut. Empty .

Regulus hadn’t done it since he’d first moved in with Sirius. But now, the compulsion coursed through his veins- it was all-consuming.

He’d caught Regulus one day in the bathroom, draining glass after glass of water to strip himself clean of his last binge. He hadn’t even noticed Sirius watching until a hand came up to the top of his glass, pushing it away from his mouth. All he could feel was the harsh, cleansing burn in the back of his throat.

“Reggie… what are you doing?”

“Nothing, Sirius. I’m just grabbing a glass of water, I’m fine.”

“Regulus, I just watched you refill that cup nine times- God, your voice sounds like sh*t. What is this, Reg? Please, don’t lie to me.”

“I…”

Regulus never did explain what was going on to his brother. That would have been too much, the shame of it all.

So he forced himself to stop his habits instead. It was difficult, but he couldn’t risk Sirius finding out.

“It’s a bad habit, that's all, Sirius.”

And if Regulus knew anything, it was that bad habits die hard.

The worst thing was that he’d prepared for this. It was inevitable, wasn’t it? Regulus knew that at some point, everything would go to sh*t- as it always did- and that he’d fall back into the same torturous cycle that left him worse off than before.

It was sort of a sick, twisted comfort to him; every once and a while Regulus bought himself an extra snack or two and hid it under his bed. It’s not like anyone would notice him taking a bag of chips back to his room, that was normal .

With shaky, hesitant hands, Regulus reached down over his bedside and pulled the drawer open. He shifted his folded sweaters out of the way, and started loading packet after packet of greasy, over-processed foods onto his mattress.

None of it was healthy, none of it was clean- but that was the point. It would just fill him up and fill him up so that he could clean himself out again.

The first squeaky plastic bag was ripped into. Regulus cringed at the way the oily crumbs of the chips coated his finger tips, but pushed the thought aside. More accurately, he pushed all of his thoughts aside. There was no room to think, only eat, eat, eat.

The grinding and crunching of the food in his ears was irritating, maddeningly repetitive, and achingly soothing . Oh, it was so bad for him to be doing this, but at least he wasn’t pretending he could resist it anymore. At least he wasn’t pretending that life would ever go his way.

I've known for a long while that the world is not, and will never be, in my favor.

He began to feel overstuffed and a bit queasy from eating so much so fast, but kept going through five, six, ten more packages of the disgustingly sweet, fatty snack food.

The same old shame washed over Regulus when he’d finished. Disgusting, dirty, out of control.

He was so very nauseous, but walked slowly to their hall’s bathroom to avoid suspicion. Thankfully, no one else was in the restroom.

He dashed to the nearest stall once he was through the threshold of the door, and locked it before letting his knees fall to the ceramic tile and doubling over the toilet.

Tears welled up in his eyes at the familiar scratching in his throat, purging everything out of his system. He still didn’t feel clean though.

He got up from his place on the floor, knees nearly giving out from how badly he was shaking, and went to the sink.

Regulus turned the tap to hot and greedily started filling up his cupped hand and gulping down handful after handful of water. Even when the water began to steam and burn, he didn’t stop.

He needed to clean, clean, clean out everything he’d done wrong. Clean out the food, clean out his words, clean out his thoughts, clean out his soul. He needed to sterilize himself, maybe he could start on a fresh slate that way.

He would rewrite his entire personality if he could- he would make himself someone who’d never hurt James.

His hands were aching and raw, trembling and numb from the heat when he’d stopped to grip the sink, choking out a sob.

Why couldn’t he just be someone new?

*******

James POV

James drove.

And he drove, and he drove- the windows wide open and music blaring as if it could drown out the dissonant shouts echoing off every plane of his mind.

It couldn’t.

He was angry, he was so so angry, but at the same time he felt a knot of guilt tying itself together in his chest. The music was just background noise, even at full volume.

Regulus’s words looped in his head over and over.

“ Death couldn’t be worse, death couldn’t be worse, death couldn’t be worse.”

That was the line that had really gotten to James. Regulus had written that. He’d written that, and then he’d gained James’s trust. He’d written that, and then made James fall in love with him.

It was disgusting. It was heartbreaking. James wanted to be in denial- to think that his Reg would ever do that to him. But the pictures were crystal clear, he was as familiar with Regulus’s handwriting as he was his own.

So yes, Regulus had written that.

James could’ve cried, screamed, even laughed at his own f*cked up life, but instead he kept driving. He was burning up, burning up, ready to explode. Every emotion at once was trying to dig itself a place in James’s skull, it was all just too much .

The sun could only shine so long before it brought its own demise.

Suddenly overcome with the need to move, James hastily pulled over to the side of the road, far less cautiously than he normally would’ve. He pressed both hands into the sides of his head, resisting the urge to slam it into the wheel.

Because, yes, at the end of the day it was the sun that caused itself to explode. James was just as at fault for this whole scenario as Regulus, wasn’t he?

He was too kind, too trusting. He was naive, gullible, easy to manipulate. He assumed everyone wanted to be his friend, because who was he if others didn’t value his presence?

He’d burn through all of his hydrogen, using his precious fuel to warm everyone else, but leave himself decimated in the end.

James didn’t want to think about any of it anymore. He wished his brain could turn off, but instead it was plagued by too much of everything, all at once.

He put the car in park before getting out, slamming the door. James paced frantically next to the vehicle, hands still firmly knit into the hair on the sides of his head, and tried to breath enough to think straight.

In. Out. In. Out.

James looked around to see where he was, taking a moment to ground himself, and almost laughed at how perfectly he’d timed his breakdown- he'd ended up pulling over right next to the local walking trail.

When James got angry, it coursed through every vein in his body, finger-tips to toes. It didn’t happen often, however.

James had a tendency to dismiss or bottle up his unpleasant emotions. It made living and acting like he normally did much easier, for the most part. But when he bottled up too much for too long, well-

It was pretty self-explanatory at that point.

The first time James had ever properly yelled at someone, it was his mother. Of course, being the fiery, proud woman that she was, Euphemia was having none of it. Though, she didn’t start yelling back, either.

James knew that the memory of his mother silencing him dead in his tracks with one stern, “ James, stop.” would stick around until the day he died. She had then pointed out the door and demanded he go take a run.

“ You go out there, mijo, and run. Run until you’ve worked through exactly what you need to say to me, and don’t come back until you can say that to me calmly. I will not tolerate being yelled at. We speak civilly, or there’s no conversation, ok? Now go, run.”

And so he did. And when he’d come back through the front door, he’d promptly apologized to his mother for his behavior- tail between his legs- and they discussed the issue.

It was funny how James was still taking his mother’s advice now, even when she wasn’t there to push him in the right direction herself. Though, he wasn’t counting on apologizing to Regulus so soon.

This was bigger than whatever silly fight he’d struck with his mother all of those years ago. Regulus had manipulated him, gotten in his head so deep that James barely even knew what was true anymore, or who was worth trusting. Maybe no one.

Maybe, the only way to avoid getting hurt was to isolate himself from the world. James had always thrived around people, he’d thought, but perhaps the pain of them constantly pretending to like him was worse than being on his own.

With a huff of defeat, James took off into the woods.

*******

Remus POV

Remus was bored. He was waiting for Sirius to get back from his last class of the day, aimlessly strumming at the strings of his acoustic guitar and not playing any particular song. He really should’ve been looking over his homework for his Music Theory class, but really couldn't be bothered with it. Seriously, who even came up with half of that sh*t anyways? It was such a dense and confusing subject, and he really thought it should count as a math class for how often he found himself counting or adding or subtracting or whatever was necessary for the topic they were on.

Setting down the guitar on their beds (Or, ‘bed’. He and Siruis had ended up pushing the two frames together that past week, finding it easier then cramming them both into one of the smaller twin-XL’s to cuddle. Which made Remus laugh in hindsight about their first struggle as roommates, making sure they were both facing left.) and got up with a stretch to go and piss. He much preferred using the bathroom in the library between classes since it was loads cleaner, but he wasn’t about to trek halfway across the campus for a quick pee, especially on a day where his stump was aching from his prosthetic sleeve sitting wrong. So, the communal dorm bathroom would have to suffice.

When he arrived at the bathroom though, he was quickly distracted from his original endeavors.

“Regulus? Are you alright?”

His best friend was hunched over one of the sinks, looking weak and a bit shaken-up. He looked terrible, honestly.

It wasn’t just the way he held himself, either. The state of his hair was obviously a product of stress- a tangled mess of his usually pristine, neat curls made that way from running his hands through them or pulling at his scalp. His shirt hung awkwardly on his body, as if he’d been crouched over, or holding onto it for dear life.

Regulus jumped upon hearing his name called, and turned to face the announcer. He looked even worse than Remus had previously noted.

“Remus, yeah sorry,” Regulus rubbed his hands up and down his face.

His voice was raspy and his eyes were a swollen red, as if he’d been crying. Yeah, Remus was not letting him off without an explanation.

“Didn’t expect anyone to come in, the dorms are usually pretty dead about now,” Regulus continued, making his way towards the door already.

“No, no, stop right there.”

Regulus stopped.

Remus pinched the bridge of his nose with a sigh, “Regulus, something obviously up, you know you can talk to me, right?”

Regulus shuffled a bit awkwardly from where he was standing in the doorframe, staring at his feet like a kicked puppy. Which Remus supposed was a fair reaction. Though they were close, he and Regulus didn’t typically talk about… emotions, or anything deep like that.

“Listen, I’m going to take a quick piss- you wait right here, and then we are talking about this. Okay?” Regulus nodded weakly at this- obviously not pleased by the idea, but not moving from his spot either.

Remus took the fastest pee of his life, wondering what had been the cause of so much evident pain for his friend. It had to have been something pretty brutal. He didn’t think he’d ever seen Regulus genuinely upset about something… ever.

Sure there were his dramatic, wise-ass moments when he would frown at you in a fake display of dislike or disappointment, but Regulus just wasn’t a very emotive person in general.

Remus really hoped it wasn’t anything involving Sirius; God, he didn’t think he could handle being torn between the two siblings, two of his favorite people on Earth.

Trying not to catastrophize, he washed his hands in the very sink Regulus had been bent over just moments before, and then ushered both of them out and back to his room.

*******

James POV

And so now, James was running. And he was running, and running, and running. He actually didn’t know how long it had been at this point, but the way his overused lungs were screaming against the cold air they were brutally being filled with and emptied of over and over, was cathartic .

His thoughts did start to straighten themselves, though. His emotions were filling his mind more individually. Instead of the confusing, clustered mess of noise he was previously experiencing, James could now identify that he was feeling angry, or sad, or even a mix of the two. He could identify the disappointment, the guilt, the loss of the beginning of something beautiful.

It wasn’t the sort of numbing, paralyzing, yet overwhelming, overactive buzz in his brain when he was running- but that didn’t mean it didn’t still hurt.

It may have even hurt more, being able to think coherent thoughts about the situation.

Because now, he could really consider the fine details of the situation.

That entry that Regulus had written was obviously one from the beginning of the school year, perhaps even the first day of school. He’d barely even known James then, but then again, he did know James, didn’t he? At least, he knew everything that Sirius must’ve told him about James.

Regulus would obviously know the most relevant thing about him and Sirius’s relationship- the fact that James was the one that Sirius had run to when he was kicked out of their home.

James would always remember the day Sirius had shown up on the Potter’s door step, horribly wounded and on the verge of collapse from his obvious on-foot journey there. And he would only ever remember it in utter horror.

No, he didn’t feel any sense of pride or entitlement from that day. He didn’t feel like he’d been the best of best friends, anyone worthy of extra praise. He didn’t take Sirius in for a good citizenship award, or extra brownie points. And he certainly didn’t do it to spite his little brother, the one that James didn’t even know at the time.

He did it because he loved Sirius like an extension of himself. A brother of his own.

Even if it had been a complete stranger showing up at their house in that condition though, instead of his best friend, James would have treated them just the same. Sirius had needed serious medical help, and a safe place to rest. And that, at the end of the day, was the most important reason he and his parents had taken Sirius under their wings.

So for Regulus to want some sort of petty ‘ revenge’ over one of the worst days of James’s life, was completely and unfathomably stupid. It was sick.

“Besides, I’m still working out whether I should hate him or not ... I really should, given the fact that he encapsulates everything I despise in a person, added onto my admittedly complex feelings about him and Sirius… “

“...doesn’t he get enough attention as it is?”

“I feel like I have no choice but to at least tolerate him after he took Sirius in. I tried, I really did, but I've known for a long while that the world is not, and will never be, in my favor.”

Once again, the venomous words bit down hard on James’s thoughts, not giving him s moment to yank himself free.

It was so painfully obvious that that was what it was all about. His “ admittedly complex feelings about him and Sirius.” A stupid, childish, horribly misplaced, jealous grudge .

All of his frustration bubbled up into a shout, tearing from his lips- a loud scream that didn’t need words to convey the sheer amount of pain it held. As his voice echoed through the empty forest, rain began to fall hard; it was as if it was shaken from the sky by the force of his scream.

The now rain-slicked ground didn’t stop James from breaking into a rapid, desperate sprint. He had to get away from it all, he had to get away.

He didn’t care if it was selfish in that moment. James just wanted- no, needed - to leave, and never come back. He needed to abandon it all and start anew.

That was the only way to fix it all, to make it stop.

But life wasn’t one for taking the easy route, was it? Of course at that very second, James slipped in the mud and came tumbling down onto the ground.

The rocks on the trail felt sharper than usual against his wet, freezing cold skin. He hadn’t changed out of his day clothes since he didn’t plan on running, so he was still in jorts and a t-shirt, leaving his arms exposed and shivering.

“f*ck, ” he muttered, looking down at his lightly scraped and muddy arms through the dripping wet hair that fell infront of his face.

A rustle of some animal in the trees took him out of his thoughts momentarily. He looked up to see what had caused it, adjusting and wiping his glasses to better see.

James squinted into the thick trees, but saw nothing. Until it moved again.

James had to blink, shocked by how close the animal was to him. A deer.

He sat perfectly still, just watching with wide eyes that matched the set only feet away.

It got him thinking instead about his names. Not “ James ”, but the names he was called more fondly: Prongs, Bambi, or whatever poor deer-related pun crossed his friends’ minds at the moment. All of them were bestowed upon him because of his gentle, peaceful nature or his big, doe-like eyes. But James had always connected with deer for different reasons.

In fact, he had to laugh at the irony of the situation, because the reason he related to deer was because they were so hard to see.

James supposed he did it to himself, adapting to have a perfect camouflage to hide away in plain sight. He was always the first to see others, as they truly were. Anyone who met him instantly labeled him as warm, or friendly, or bubbly, or kind. And as much as he enjoyed the compliments, he resented them. They were proof that people would only see what they wanted to see about him. He was more disposable that way, wasn’t he?

Just something to snap a picture of when they found it pretty, then leaving.

James could only think of a single time that someone saw straight through the dense forestry, and stared him directly in the eyes. Only a single time did someone immediately call his bluff.

“What’s wrong with wanting to help people, wanting to make the world a better place?”

“Well you tell me, ‘Mr. Psychology Major’, just how far can you stretch yourself for other people until you break? How far are you going to take it? If someone else’s happiness is at the expense of your own, who’s are you prioritizing?”

Irony layered on f*cking irony today, huh? James thought about that conversation often- it was one of his first real conversations with Regulus. Those few simple words had really helped James grow as a person too, which now felt like a bitter slap to the face. Since Regulus had called him out like that- being the ever-observant bastard he was- James had consciously stopped himself every time he took the people-pleasing a bit too far.

It wasn’t fair that the only person to ever truly make him feel seen was the one who stabbed him in the back and twisted the knife.

God , he was so conflicted. He really, really didn’t want to believe what he read. And the way Regulus had looked so hurt and confused when James had gone off on him was a truly heartbreaking sight, but this wasn’t something James could forgive.

Not caring about getting dirt on his face, James pressed the palms of his muddied hands under his glasses.

He loved Regulus, still. That wasn’t going to go away for quite a while, and that’s why this all hurt so much.

“Are you ready to talk to me, mijo?” Euphemia said patiently when James had returned from his run.

James exhaled, long and hard. He was going to talk with Regulus.

He brushed off his hands on his jean-shorts and stood, adjusting his glasses and ineffectively wiping the rain off of the lenses.

The deer ran away, spooked by his sudden movement. He stared after it, wondering if it had known to be in the right place at the right time.

It was a quiet few minutes before James turned back the way he came, walking this time.

James wasn’t forgiving Regulus. Not yet.

Maybe not ever.

But he couldn’t let things end like that, either. James needed closure. He couldn’t just be going off of his theories about why Regulus had done the things he’d done. He felt another, sudden twinge of guilt at that thought.

Though it was clear as day to see what was going on, he’d never even asked Regulus for answers. He didn’t even give him a chance to speak.

James had the sudden urge to scream again, why couldn’t things just be easier. Why did everything have to be so f*cking complex and confusing all of the time?

Well, he thought, though he wanted to shove the idea back with all of his being, it’s not going to get any less confusing until we talk.

And so, James concluded, they would talk.

Chapter 15: "Honey, You're Familiar Like My Mirror Years Ago"

Chapter Text

Remus POV

Regulus sat on Sirius's side of the bed, curled almost into a ball. He had picked up Sirius’s oversized black hoodie from the ground and slipped it over his t-shirt when he’d entered the room (which relieved Remus, showing evidence that his older brother was not the issue). Regulus tore at the frayed cuff of the sleeve nervously, his eyes glued to the slowly unraveling threads.

Remus flopped down on his side with a long sigh, staring up at the ceiling. Sirius had insisted on decorating it with yellow, tacky, glow-in-the-dark stars a couple of weeks ago, stating he “never got to have them as a kid, “ so he just had to have them now. And so of course, Remus had spent that afternoon comically perched on Sirius’s shoulders to help him place them on the ceiling in accurate constellations.

Instead of looking at Sirius's star today, he let his eyes find Regulus’s. Remus wasn’t great at talking to people all of the time, especially about important things. So, he figured it may be easier to talk to the other Regulus- the plastic one hovering just feet above them.

“So…,” he started, still staring at the tiny neon star, “Spill. What’s happened?”

A beat passed. Another.

“I-,” Regulus crackled out in a raspy whisper, his voice breaking off into a long pause.

Remus shifted his gaze over to the other man- his eyebrows were drawn together, his face sad and hesitant.

Again he found himself at a loss for what could’ve possibly happened. Regulus had seemed just fine yesterday, maybe a bit nervous before his date with-

Oh, it suddenly dawned on Remus, That could be it.

Instead of pushing for an answer or speculating any further though, he let his friend take his time finding the words himself. He already seemed in a fragile enough state as it was, and Remus didn’t feel like rubbing salt in the wound by asking the wrong questions.

When Regulus finally did speak, it definitely wasn’t what Remus was expecting to hear.

“Ok, just… you can’t tell Sirius, alright?”

He looked like he wanted to melt through the bed frame the moment the words left his lips.

Remus bristled slightly at the idea of keeping something from his… whatever they were. Someone he thought he could fall in love with, he supposed. Especially if the thing he was swearing secrecy over was something that was going to hurt him.

“Depends, really,” Remus tried not to sound too defensive, “if this will directly affect him, then-”

“No it- It won't, it's just…” Regulus pressed his wrists to his eyes, exhaling deeply into his sleeves, “it’s just …complicated. I don’t even know what’s happening and it’s happening to me. Or maybe I made it happen. I don’t know,” he burrowed himself deeper into his knees, “I just don’t know how he’ll react, is all. And I can’t take him being mad at me too.”

Remus looked up at that.

“Who’s mad at you?” he asked, though he had his suspicions.

He really hoped he was wrong, though, for the sake of his friends.

Regulus stiffened, realizing what he had said. He looked about ready to bolt right back out of the room at any given moment- almost like a spooked cat with its hair sticking up off its back.

“You can trust me, Regulus, you’re my best friend,” he soothed, “And, if you really are certain that this doesn’t involve Sirius… then I promise I’m not going to tell him,” Remus added on with a sigh, a pang of guilt squirming around in his stomach.

Regulus peaked up from his ball of limbs and tattered fabric, his grey-green eyes watery with such a mix of emotions that they were hard to place.

He squeezed them shut, letting another long breath out.

“Alright…”

*******

James POV

Somewhere along the ride home, everything went silent in James’s mind. Not the sort of peaceful silence attributed with the calm after the storm- no, this silence was unsettling; numb. It was a silence that came with the knowledge that his troubles weren’t even close to being over. It was as if he’d made it to the eye of the storm, but still had to brave the other half of it to escape back to sunny weather.

The switch in emotion was so sudden that he barely even noticed it. But yet, he was all too hyper-aware. Throughout the years, James had figured out that he could do nothing in moderation, especially feel. It was all too much, or it was nothing at all. It was both a virtue and a flaw, but mostly it was just disappointing. Frustrating.

Sometimes he thought he’d do anything just to feel things like a normal person, but other times that seemed like such a depraved life to live. He didn’t know who he would be if that were the case.

This time it was the former, though. Maybe if he were that person, James wouldn’t have freaked out on Regulus earlier. Maybe all of this could have been behind them already, they could have talked it out like the adults they were supposed to be.

The thoughts waded through his mind like they were stuck in thick mud, struggling to break to the surface of his consciousness. He didn’t really know what to make of any of it, or how to feel about it. Everything just felt so heavy. Nothing even felt real.

On autopilot, he managed to safely make it back to campus, and parked in the lot by the library. James barely comprehended anything he was doing, simply letting his body follow its routines without thought. He shifted the gear to park, then the car engine went off, then his seat belt, and then the door was shutting behind him as he walked down the path towards Gryffindor building.

The rain had slowed from pouring down in sheets to almost a sprinkle. The drops landed cold and uncomfortable against his already shivering skin. James was aware that he needed to go back up to the dorm to change into something dry or he’d catch a cold, but he really didn’t want to do that if Regulus was still there.

They would talk eventually. Now was not that time.

His legs seemed to be carrying him towards the room anyways without his consent. They were almost walking on their own, as if there were a thick wall of TV static blocking between his thoughts and actions.

Out of nowhere a hand fell casually on James’s shoulder from behind, effectively scaring the sh*t out of him and snapping him out of his daze. He startled with a yelp, snapping his head back to address the perpetrator, but his heart rate immediately slowed upon seeing who it was.

*******

Peter POV

James exhaled in relief into his hands, and ran them both up through his hair.

“Sorry, Pete. Scared me a bit there… what’re you doing out in the rain, anyways?” he tried to deflect, apparently forgetting that he was far more drenched than Peter was.

“Me? I’ve just been to the library- that doesn't matter,” Peter shook his head, “James, you’re soaking wet, how long have you been out here?” he frowned.

“I’m not sure, probably not too long,” James dismissed with a forced casualty.

Peter gaped at him in disbelief, “You’re not sure? James, it was downpouring for nearly half an hour!”

“I went for a run,” James stated flatly.

“In the pouring rain?” Pete exclaimed, then softened, “Alright, well how about we go up to your dorm and get you some dry clothes, yeah?”

James visibly tensed, which didn’t go unnoticed from Peter. It initially created a sick sense of giddiness in his mind, knowing James had seen the message and was now avoiding his roommate.

But at the same time, it made Peter want to rip his skin off. This is what the plan was, right? This is what he intended to happen, what he forced to happen. So why did he hate the outcome so much? He supposed he didn’t take the time to consider just how awful it would be to see James in so much pain. And it was all because of him.

It’s for the plan, it’s for the better, he reminded himself, What’s a little pain for a lifetime of happiness? I can make him happy. I will make him happy.

“Or… we can go back to mine?” he suggested, watching James’s shoulders sag in relief, “I don’t mind if you borrow an outfit.”

“Yeah, yeah thanks, Pete.”

The two started walking again back towards their dorm building. James was chewing his upper lip, something Peter had always noticed him do when he was upset. His heart squeezed again, but he had to push that away. What was done was done. He was so close to winning.

“Is everything… alright?” Peter asked carefully, nudging James lightly with his elbow.

He knew that everything was not alright- and he knew every single detail of why. But maybe, just maybe he could use that to his advantage. He knew it was wrong, but had that ever stopped him before?

Sometimes the most effective strategies must forsake morality- he would paint himself as a saint in James’s eyes, someone who he could find comfort in. He’d already taken James apart, and now it was his job to build him back up.

“Yeah, yeah, just…Regulus is studying in the dorm. He can get a bit snippy while he’s focused,” he answered bitterly. It was so obviously a lie, but Peter pretended to believe it for James’s sake.

“Ah…” he nodded in faux understanding, “well you’re welcome to crash my dorm anytime you need.”

When they were finally stood outside of Peter’s door, he took his room key out of his pocket, struggling with it only slightly in the old locks.

“Hey, thank you, by the way. You’re… you’re a really good friend,” James said, making Peter look up from the door.

He blinked twice, then smiled. Oh, he could’ve run around the whole campus twice from how nice that felt to hear.

Success.

“Of course, man. Anytime.”

*******

Remus POV

seren bert ⭐

<6:15 PM> Hey love

<6:15 PM> Me and reg are having an impromptu sleepover, you ok swapping beds with him for tonight?

BTRAYLL???? <6:16 PM>

ive bern replaced and bu my OWEN BROTJER NONETHELESDr <6:16 PM>

so betrsyedv<6:16 PM>

… <6:16 PM>

yeag you teo have fun <3 <6:16 PM>

misx you <4 <6:16 PM>

<6:17 PM> Miss you too <3

*******

Regulus POV

“What did he say,” Regulus asked, anxiously biting his nails. He tried to peer over Remus’s shoulder without moving to no avail.

He knew it was a bit cowardly to hide from James like this, and that he’d have to face him eventually, but there was only so much he could handle in one day. And he was pretty certain that he’d already crossed that line by a tenfold.

The thought of facing James again made all of Regulus’s limbs feel like they were being weighed down by lead. His heart tightened painfully at the realization that it was the same feeling he got when he would have to face his parents back at Grimmauld Place.

It wasn’t fair to James, feeling like that. James was not his parents. In fact, he was so different from them that if they were placed on a venn diagram, James’s circle would just be floating several miles away instead of intersecting at all.

Regulus loathed himself for even daring to feel that old familiar emotion in response to James.

“Basically, ‘I’m so betrayed,’ blah blah blah, ‘Remus how could you,’ blah blah blah, ‘ok yeah have fun,’” Remus answered his question- which Regulus had nearly forgotten about amidst his own inner turmoil.

He let out a sigh at the last message, flopping down on his back and pulling his hoodie strings tight so that the fabric engulfed his face. It was peaceful like that: it was dark and warm and soft, with none of the world visible. Regulus childishly wished he could live in the sweatshirt forever.

Remus snorted lightly, breaking him from his daydreams. Regulus shifted to poke one curious eye out of the small hole left by the drawstrings.

“What?” he asked.

“He said he’s stealing your green grandpa sweater. Brother-like-brother, huh?” he huffed in amusem*nt.

For a moment Regulus just blinked. And then, he was just suddenly overcome with the strangest urge to laugh. So he did; it started as a giggle, then a chuckle, then a full-on manic fit of laughter. He couldn’t help it, it was just so ridiculous. Meaningless. It was something that on any other day, Regulus would have bitched and moaned about, but it wasn’t any other day, and it was just so stupid. He’d even go as far to say it was comforting. Even when everything was going to sh*t, Sirius was consistent. He was consistent, and he was dramatic, and he stole Regulus’s favorite grandpa sweaters just to get back at him for stealing all of his clothes. It was a breath of fresh air, it made Regulus believe that maybe- just maybe- everything could turn out alright.

Within a minute of his cackling, Regulus was gasping for air- but he just couldn’t stop laughing. His ribs and stomach were killing him, but he really couldn't have cared less.

Tears started to roll down his face in fat drops, dampening the cotton still pulled around his eyes. He was laughing, and laughing, and then he was crying.

Suddenly the gasps turned from hysterical to panicked. Regulus didn’t even have time to grasp why he was panicking, which only made his breaths come out more shallow.

“Woah, woah, woah, hey,” Remus hurriedly turned to face him, eyes widening, “what just happened?”

“I-I-,” Regulus tried to speak through his rapid breaths, but nothing was coming out.

He choked on a frustrated sob- f*ck, he had just been feeling a little bit better, too.

“Sorry, sorry- don’t try to talk, yeah? Let’s just focus on breathing, ok?” Remus seemed to collect himself now that the shock had worn off a bit. Regulus nodded a stiff, quick nod.

“Just follow me, ok?” Remus took a slow, deep inhale, counting to five with just his fingers. Regulus tried to follow along the best that he could, but his inhale was a shaky, choppy thing. Remus held his for a brief pause, then let it out on another count of five. Again, Regulus tried to follow suit.

He didn’t know how many rounds of repeating that pattern it took, but every time they did it it felt a little bit easier.

Once he was settled again, Remus gently asked, “Hey, can you tell me what just happened? Did I say something?”

Regulus practiced his breathing just once more before he answered.

“No, it’s just-” his voice broke off. He cleared his throat and began again, “It’s just that everything is falling apart. It’s not like things were going great for me to start with, but they were getting better, and now-”
“Regulus-” Remus started in a sympathetic tone, but Regulus kept going.

“And I guess- I guess Sirius being, well, Sirius just reminded me that things still are normal. And that’s what scares me, Remus,” he cried, his words coming out faster with every sentence

“Because- because nothing feels normal about any of this. And it’s not just the thing with James, it’s- it’s all of it. Everything. I thought it was getting better, I really thought- but now it feels like I’ve been shoved out of the side of a plane with no parachute, and Remus I can’t take it anymore. I can't fly to safety, I can’t cushion my fall, and everything and everyone below me is just going to continue living their lives as normal. Because who cares about one stupid person falling to their death? I-”

“Regulus,” Remus stopped him more sternly this time. His voice was tight with tears, and his face was contorted in distress. Regulus fell silent, his own eyes spilling over once more.

“I care. Sirius cares. Your friends from class care. And I know that even if he’s pissed right now, James cares,” he insisted, grabbing on tightly to Regulus’s arm, as if he’d really fall away.

“I- I can’t expect that from you all, I can't trust that. Because every time I trust someone-”

“I know,” Remus exhaled sadly, “Trust me, I know,” he winced.

“I’m not trying to say that you have to trust us, just… we’re here, ok?”

Regulus nodded.

The two sat silently on the bed for a while, just taking a moment in the other's company. There was an unspoken agreement that washed over them that even if they didn’t always have each other, they had each other right now, and that was enough.

Remus still hadn’t let go of Regulus’s arm, so he placed one hand on top of it. Remus looked at him.

“Thank you.”

Remus paused for a second before he answered.

“No need.”